whistlingwoods Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I've had issues with self esteem and jealousy for a long time and I'm doing my best to deal with them. I have felt my other issues improve greatly over time, but I still struggle with jealousy, especially over a partner's past. I've been seeing this sweet, sensitive guy for a few months. He was away on vacation for a while and I had an illness, so the antibiotics gave me an infection. Naturally we were quite eager to resume having sex but we couldn't because the infection makes it too painful for me right now, and plus its not healthy. We were laying in bed and making out, and talking, and he was a little stoned. I mentioned that I liked how enthusiastic he was during our makeout session and he said, "Yeah, I really want to have sex." He mentioned we should have sex when we're both slightly stoned because "its the best feeling in the world." This is something we have not done yet -- and I didn't say anything to him because I want to work out these issues for myself -- but would you be bugged if he mentioned something like this (the reason I'm feeling jealous is because it is something from his sexual history which I do not really want to know about, much less hear him describe this intimate experience with another woman as the "best feeling in the world".) How much would this bug you? (I know this sounds psycho but I really struggle with teeny issues like these and I'm trying to get better. I would never want to impose any of these insecurities on him.)
PegNosePete Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Well it wouldn't bug me for long. If my partner was a stoner then they wouldn't be my partner for very long. And if you have self esteem issues I suggest you give it up too.
thatdog Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Ok so is this an issue because you don't smoke weed? Don't feel comfortable with sex at the moment? or just because he has talked about something sexual he has done before and you haven't so it makes you think about the other girls he has slept with? If (A) then it's pretty stupid and inconsiderate of him to even bring it up since he knows you don't smoke and most likely it's something he won't be able to get from you so he shouldn't mention it unless it's a massive problem for him. In which case you guys really shouldn't be together anyhow. if (B) well, just tell him you are still sore and not ready to resume sex yet. He sound's mostly understanding. But guys love sex (an I think need it to help them feel loved) so it's natural for him to get a little frustrated and try to 'test the waters' a little bit to see if you're ready. if © then sorry I think you ARE blowing things out of proportion. He is just saying it because he wants to suggest you guys doing it together. sure he has done it before but that's the past and it doesn't matter (in fact he might not even have done it, he could be going of whatever his buddies have told him)/ Look at it this way. if he took you to dinner at his favorite restaurant and recommended a dish he though you would love, would you then think it's reasonable tog et paranoid and freak out about the fact that he has probably eaten the same dish with other girls before??
reservoirdog1 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I agree with thatdog. As regards to option ©, you know he had a sexual history before he met you. What he said was pretty innocuous, and he didn't mention any previous sexual partner by name, description, or anything else. Think about it -- any time in the future (or past) when you and he talk about your sexual turn-ons, he's likely identified his based on past experiences. I.e. experiences with women before you. Are you going to have a problem with that as well? This is such a minor thing to get your shirt in a knot over. You need to decide NOW if you can let it go, or not. Because, fundamentally, it's your problem, not his. Don't make it one of the relationship's problems.
Kelemort Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Does he bring up anything else about his exes? The importance of that comment hinges on that; if he's forevermore bringing up other girls or his past, that's just one more little knife to toss in there. If not, he was stoned - he could well be talking about giving himself a handy while he's been stoned before, or you're right, maybe he is talking about other girls. Whatever you do, don't probe for more details about that sort of thing. I don't know what it is - it gets to be kind of a compulsion to know more, but knowing more only increases the hurt and pain. It's just best not to know. I'd say let this one pass - it was innocuous and vague, and it's best to leave it that way. If you bring it up, you'll get an explanation - maybe it'll please you or maybe it'll hurt you, but either way it's just best not to know.
Recommended Posts