confused2134 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 My ex and i broke up close to two months ago I did everything wrong at first whater. No contact for a month she texts me twice in the week. I have friendly conversation act fine. About a week after I agreed to give her space she unfollowed my twitter. I immediately set mine to private. It's been like a month a month and a half since and I get a request to follow me again yesterday. What could be her motive behind doing this? She knew I was going to get a request I had to accept from her. Why would she want to follow me?
TaraMaiden Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Why accept it?!? You don't 'have to' accept anything!! Are you nutz?? Go No Contact, stay no contact, and keep well away from her in every way possible. And keep her away from you. No good will come of this, I assure you - do not accept this!!
Author confused2134 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 I didn't mean I had to accept this. I meant that I would have to accept it in order for her to see my page. Like a request for the accept would come. I dont have to do anything I know.
TaraMaiden Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 No, don't let her see your page! The minute she can see your page, you're going to be conscious of it. Don't do it. It's none of her business. This is precisely what NC means. And it includes all manner of contact.
DustySaltus Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Unless she is showing up on your doorstep saying that she made a big mistake, all other contact doesn't mean a thing. She may be curious. Maybe she doesn't want you to hate her. Maybe her ego took a hit when you did what you did. None of these reasons have anything to do with you, they have to do with her. She made the decision, let her stick with it. When you haven't eaten for a while a breadcrumb can be very filling, but not for long. Stick to NC.
Fufu Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Logically, accepting = breaking NC. Well, it's okay. Since you had accepted it, however please stick on to your NC. She follows you, unfollows you, follows you, all these no longer matters to you.
iceweasel6 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I didn't mean I had to accept this. I meant that I would have to accept it in order for her to see my page. Like a request for the accept would come. I dont have to do anything I know. This means you are doing something right. Keep the NC. Multiple saying the same thing can't be wrong - unless it's "group think" - I digress. Keep on keeping on dude! Your on the right track - don't give in!
Author confused2134 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 Yeah i have been no contact I don't even know how long maybe 7 weeks? She texted me like 3 weeks ago and we talked a bit mostly small talk a little joking. But summer is coming up and dI'm not really sure if she's going to text me wanting to see me or something.
TaraMaiden Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 It really doesn't matter whether she does or doesn't. You shouldn't even be thinking about it. The only thing you should be thinking about is how to completely avoid talking or doing anything in any way to engage with her on all and every level.....and how ton equally completely prevent her from doing the same. She is no longer of any consequence. She is surplus to requirement. Baggage. Not required on voyage. Persona non grata. EX. Offload. Discard. Disregard. Ignore. Block. Shut out. reject. Eject. Dismiss. 100% Don't know how else to put it.....
Author confused2134 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 Well sorry for not having quite as cynical as a point of view as that. I stlil care aobut the girl. I probably will forever. She was my first love and mine hers and when the time is right I wouldn't mind having her back in my life. I still care about her well being.
TaraMaiden Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 You are completely missing the point. An you're being obtuse if you think it's cynicism. The whole point of NC is not to get another person back, but neither is it a tool to hurt someone or make someone feel bad. NC is a form of behaviour designed to help you move on, heal, recover and be yourself again. It's a tool designed to enable you to be able to look at them with affection, but indifferent to whether you are with them, or just a good friend. In fact, quite content to think "yeah, we were together, but that's in the past, over and absolutely ok." You can be friends, you can chat and behave in the way normal friends do - but clearly, not yet. Why clearly? because you're still at the "why is she doing....?" "What does she mean by...?" "What do I do if....?" stage. Until you can engage with her, without being bothered by all these questions, you need to go NC. You're clearly still in love with her - but there is no indication, nor is there any hope, of her feeling exactly the same way. All this talk abut how you've been in NC for 7 weeks, then she texted, then you chatted.... It's BS. You're deceiving yourself if you think this has been rough... The bottom line is - this hasn't been NC. You have not been in No Contact, because clearly - there has been contact! NC means absolutely zero even thinking of talking, chatting and texting. it means dropping off her radar completely - and making sure she's totally off yours. Until such a time as you do that, you're both dangling, and incapable of healing and moving on. So either really go NC - or don't. Up to you. But if you decide to keep engaging with her - don't call it NC. And don't pretend, or think that this is going to get any better any time soon, because it won't. Self-sabotage keeps you stuck in pain and confusion. Good luck with that.
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