Sacha67 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I have been married to my husband for 24 years. we have four children, one grown and three still at home, the youngest is 8. I worked until my second child was born and then stayed home until the youngest went to school. Our entire marriage, I have followed him when he took new jobs to further his career. He is a very good provider and father. He had an affair early on in our marriage (she was pregnant the same time I was with our first child). We worked through that mess, and the times she has resurfaced since then. Other than her, I have every reason to believe he has been faithful. Two years ago, he hurt my feelings over something trivial. It really bugged me and I couldn't let it go. Finally I got a hold of myself and thought "THIS can't matter to me so MUCH! I have got to get more going on in my life or these little things are going to make me bitter and petty!" Age old advise, "take care of yourself". So I did. I started training for an occupation that was completely out of my comfort zone, took up running (after a 15 year break), lost 55lbs and made a few minor cosmetic changes (hair, clothes etc.). I have never been happier with myself in my life. Now, I am ambivalent about my marriage. The intimacy is gone. We still have sex occasionally, but it is with out any kissing or lingering together after. He seems to enjoy spending time with me, but only if I plan out all the details and the children are included. I travel alone quite a bit with my children because he says he has to work. However, the owner of his company is also a friend and has clearly stated in front of us both, that he wants my husband to take more time off and "family comes first". I don't have harsh feelings towards my husband over this, he truly enjoys his work and when he does leave to vacation with us, he is anxious. I can see how hard it is on him to leave it, and also how hard he tries to hide it from us so we don't have a bad time. I heard him tell our daughter that he works so "you, Mommy and the other kids can do what ever you want". I think he really believes this, but only because it relieves him of any guilt he may feel over not being around much. I have tried to identify what it is that I want: - Intimate expression in sex. I don't want this part of my life to be over (at 43!) - Independence. I have this. He doesn't give me any trouble over what I want to do, but sometimes it seems like he is relieved I have lots to do because then he doesn't have to think about me. - Romantic love. This took a serious blow when I found out about the other woman. It has been chipped away at each time since then, when she has shown back up in our life under one stupid pretense or another. I have dealt with her each time. No woman should ever have to clean up the mess her husband's mistress makes, it sucks. But....he can't or won't and I started the whole thing by ever dealing with her in the first place. The result is, nothing left. Very fond of him as a person but no romantic feelings left anymore. - To move. I want to move back to the state where our families are from. He has said he might like to when we retire, but not any time in the near future. The question is, do I leave and make a life for myself apart from him? Do I get a divorce and try my luck anew? Do I just hush up and realize this is a very luxurious problem and I should be grateful for everything I do have? I do not know what to do now.....
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