I need to stop being so jealous about my boyfriends girl mates!

[BabyCakes91]

I need to stop being so jealous about my boyfriends girl mates but i cant help it i have tried to stop being so jealous. I keep thinking they are prettier and skinnier than me and it really upsets me i know it shouldnt because he is with me but it gets to me. I trust him and i know he would never hurt me. We have been going out for 4 years and have recently moved in together. But like every couple we have had our arguments and have managed to work them out. But it is all down to me being jealous. I feel like im not good enough for him. I feel like he doesnt think im gorgeous anymore. because i certainly dont think it anymore. I have hardly any confidence as it is and this whole situation is not helping one bit. We had an argument about this wednesday and i went mental at him i did apologize but things have never been the same. It was my birthday saturday and he didnt say happy birthday or give me a card. I mean who can blame him. I just want this to stop. I want us to be happy again. And we wont be until i have over come this jealousy. I feel like everything is my fault i mess everything up why cant we just be happy why cant i just stop being so jealous and grow up. Believe me i have tried. I have had to grow up pretty fast I have just turnt 20 and i feel like im older with how act my boyfriend says i have the maturity stick stuck up my butt

If you could help me please do

[Kinder-Horror]

You're a little bit younger than me - and I was extremely jealous of my boyfriend's girl friends when I was 20 - however we hadn't been together for 4 years. The fact that he has been with you for so long should indicate SOMETHING to you about his wanting to be with you.

Have you only talked to him about this in the form of an argument? It's possible that you two need to have a calm, adult conversation about your feelings and what he does that makes you feel that way (does he talk more to them than you? Seem more interested or excited to hang out with them than you?). If he does nothing to make you feel this way, then it is seriously time to let this go. You WILL destroy your relationship. You WILL drive him away.

 

Someone out there will always be skinnier than you, or have the hair or eyes you wish you had... but people also will look at you and wish they had some of the features you have. Stop thinking you don't deserve someone - it is self-sabotaging and you will eventually get your wish.

 

Take a look at the situation. Figure our what it is about his friendships that are bothering you - and more importantly, how he can help make you feel better. Then sit down and have a conversation (not an argument) so you can convey these feelings and be heard as a mature adult. Hope this helps a little

[Kelemort]

You say little about what your boyfriend does. Does he often reassure you of his love and affection? Or does he make regular comments about other girls' appearances, threaten to break up with you, spend several nights a week with his lady friends? It's possible his behavior has been feeding into your jealousy. If he's flirtatious, it's no wonder you're feeling insecure. While that may have been sexy when you first started dating, it quickly becomes a threat. You need to assess how he's acting and figure out if any of his behaviors are contributing to your jealousy. They may or may not be. It's not impossible to be jealous just because you're afraid he will leave.

 

You're not exactly in the minority to be feeling insecure at 20 years old. Most people start out feeling insecure in a relationship, but learn to trust in it over time. Like you, I'm years down the road and I still don't feel that secure - of course, my situation arose because my boyfriend spent absurd amounts of time focusing on an ex-girlfriend, which brought a lot of damage to our relationship and to my self-confidence.

 

And if you feel so insecure about yourself, you need to ask yourself why. Are you in school? Do you work? Do you have your own goals, ambitions, etc. apart from your boyfriend? Are you involved in charity work - do you have your own groups of friends? It's important to have your life apart from your boyfriend. Join an exercise class. Get involved with a charitable organization. Do something that makes you feel valued and good about yourself to start boosting your self-esteem.

 

Women are often taught that their looks are the best part about them, and that if they aren't good-looking, they're screwed from the start. Unfortunately, that means that a lot of otherwise decent-looking women believe that they're crap because they don't feel pretty or thin enough to attract or keep a boyfriend.

 

Make a list of some of your traits. Are you a great dancer, painter? Do you listen to people and offer advice when they're having problems? Are you a nice or generous person? Do people tell you that you have a good sense of humor? Write out a list of your good traits. Ask your friends to do this, too. You might even ask your friends to list their bad traits - and then talk about it. You'll likely find they've listed tons of bad traits about themselves that you would never agree with. So just imagine what your friends would say if they saw your list of negative traits. Treat yourself like a friend would treat you.

 

You don't get to see yourself from the outside, so you don't know what others think about you. Remember that you've only got part of the story.

 

I wrote out a list of about 20 reasons that my boyfriend should think I'm an excellent girlfriend - I never realized I had so much going for me. You probably don't, either.

 

Talk to your boyfriend and outline why you feel jealous. If he's doing something to make you feel jealous, explain that, too.