confused1989 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Well I have previous threads that describe my situation. I've been trying not to post too many threads, or post at all, but I knew this day would come and I've been trying to prepare for it but there's no way to fully avoid the pain. My ex left for hawaii this morning for 12 days, I was supposed to be going with her, we planned it together then a month later she doesn't feel the same anymore. I'm just heading home today, went out of town for 5 days with my friends to clear my head. It worked to a degree and kept me busy but she was on the back of my mind the whole time. We've been nc for about a month but she's reached out and texted me meaningless stuff every couple of days, ignoring my requests for her to stop contacting me. She found out I was out of town and texted me telling me to have a good trip and that she heard I was doing well in school and was proud of me. She said "talk to you soon:)" and has been "like"ing all of my facebook statuses. I have done enough reading on here to know what she's up to. She's trying to keep me on the back burner or keep me as a friend, and I am not sticking around as that. I know she is full of head games and I have found some closure for myself because she accused me of hurting her and not loving her and this had messed with my head but if I did cause all that pain for her she wouldn't keep trying to contact me, so I know its a bs coverup for her to alleviate her own guilt. I'm glad that finally got through my thick skull. Needless to say though I'm just looking for a bit of support today. It's hard knowing you were supposed to be with someone in hawaii today yet they kick you out of the trip and are seemingly not bothered by it. I knew this was going to be a rough time and I have anticipated it and ran it through my head a million times. I guess the only thing to do is to fight through this for the next while and hopefully come out stronger than ever.
Author confused1989 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 Anyone gone through anything like this? I guess it might be hard to really comment or add any support but if anyone has any words it would be appreciated. I'm still getting texts from her, got one from when she was halfway there commenting on how there were so many people at the airport. Obviously I didn't answer and I put myself in her shoes and if I was in her position right now I wouldn't be bragging about going to hawaii in the first place after all the misery its caused and I definitely wouldn't be texting my ex while I was there or mention anything about the trip at all. Kind of makes me think lower of her for sure
whatdoido1717 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I am not in the best spot to give advice but I can throw this out there for you. I just went on what was supposed to be my Ex and I's trip to sunny San Diego. I went alone and had a miserable time. The entire time I was thinking of what we were going to do and it ruined my trip. I haven't read your other threads so I don't know the background, but the fact that she is texting you while on vacation at least leads me to believe she has you on her mind to some degree. I dunno, I guess what I am trying to say is don't feel down because you think she is out having a great time. She might not necessarily be having a blast at all just because she is on vacation. Don't dwell on it and make your next 12 days as best as they can be.
JasonRules Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Anyone gone through anything like this? I guess it might be hard to really comment or add any support but if anyone has any words it would be appreciated. I'm still getting texts from her, got one from when she was halfway there commenting on how there were so many people at the airport. Obviously I didn't answer and I put myself in her shoes and if I was in her position right now I wouldn't be bragging about going to hawaii in the first place after all the misery its caused and I definitely wouldn't be texting my ex while I was there or mention anything about the trip at all. Kind of makes me think lower of her for sure What exactly are you asking? Do you want us to tell you how you should handle this?
Jerrica Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I think she is being very insensitive texting you while she is there, DON'T reply, tell her you'd rather not communicate with her for awhile as you want to move on. I have been through something sort of similar.......When I was with my douchebag ex, he left me for New Years to go to Banff with his guy friends. I wasn't allowed to go as it was with the "guys". I was VERY upset because of course I want to spend NYE with my boyfriend! I was so hurt he made plans that didn't include me. He would say "it's just New Years, it's just like any other day, I don't know why people make such a big deal about it", well then why go all the way to Banff to celebrate it if it's just another day? RRRRRRR makes me mad just remembering it..... anyways, I too anticipated him going, was anxious all week prior to it, I just wished I was allowed to go with him SO bad....my anxiety went down a bit once he actually left, he was good with texting me (but we were still together). He actually wound up sick and in the hospital new years day, he was kept there for 3 days. He was texting me, whining constantly calling me from the hospital. HAH karma is a b!tch my friend! Once he was out of the hospital though, the texting stopped. I guess he just wanted someone to cry to and be there for him and it was me. When he got back, he didn't even care to see me right away, I got VERY upset. Anyways...I'm going off on a bunny trail here I think with my story.... But I guess in short, I can relate to how you feel, and honestly this is why after you break up, you MUST take advantage of ignorance. Knowing what she's doing all the time isn't going to help any, I mean she's in Hawaii having a blast without you AND rubbing it in your face. f*ck her honestly, I would be SO pissed off. I would tell her to stop texting me, and book my own trip with my girlfriends (guys in your case) go to Mexico or something, party hardy and have a blast You're single! You can do whatever you want now with no one to answer to! Live it up man.
fetish Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 (edited) i'm like whatdoido1717. I may not be the best person to give advice right now either but as an outsider looking in at your situation, I can say I probably be just as bothered as you. However, i would try not to dwell on it and realize that even though she's going, she's probably not going to really have much of a good time. I think in a deep down, roundabout way, she wishes you were there. As one poster pointed out, I think its eventually going to haunt her that there are things that she would've been doing with you, but won't be the same solo. Still pretty insenstive for her to text you about the airports, but again, as whatdoido said, that shows you're on her mind. Nonetheless, still pretty insensitive. I'm kind of pissed off about that for you. Your ex is too much like mine, its not even funny! Edited April 25, 2011 by fetish
Chi townD Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 okay, first things first and I hope you listen to me on this. De-friend her from your Facebook! Immediately! This girl doesn't have a clue and she's gonna post how much of an "awesome" time she's having, then posting pictures of her time there with NO regard for your feelings; thus, rubbing salt in the wound. Do yourself a favor, you DON'T want to see that. If you think I don't know what I'm talking about then don't do it and tell me how it turns out.
Author confused1989 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 Whatdoido, Thanks for sharing your story. That was very helpful and I needed to read something like that. While I know she has me on her mind to a degree, I know it's not anything important. I would say she feels really guilty about the whole thing and is just trying to make sure that I'm OK or that we're on good terms. I'm not giving into any of it. I am definitely going to try to make the next 12 days count. I just got back from a trip of my own, but it only lasted for 5 days as I had to come back home for other commitments. But I will be going away again in a month for another week, and possibly again in August if I can save some money. Jerrica, I know you said don't reply but then kind of said to reply and tell her that I don't want to be bothered by her. I have let it be known that I don't want to be bothered by her at all because I felt led on and strung along and disrespected for quite some time now. And from our past if I do reply it's only going to A) cause a fight and she's going to make it seem like I'm ruining her trip to everybody, B) cause a fight and she will get her mother involved again. Something along those lines anyway and I guess silence is my best friend here. I have had something similar to your story happen to me several times too. She would go to big parties with her friends and not tell me beforehand that she was going and I would have to find out some other way. It always made me feel like crap that she would rather go out with 500 other people besides me. I don't know what she's been up to lately at all, but it was hard to avoid the fact that she was going to Hawaii because we had planned it together and I knew when we were supposde to leave and all that. I'm not really thinking about what she's doing while she's there, I just have not gotten over the fact that I made a choice to go there with this girl, a commitment, and she threw it away quite easily and did not care. I am not happy about how that unfolded, and not happy with myself for trusting someone like her. Thanks for your reply! It was very helpful and I'm definitely going to try to make my summer a great one even though it won't be with her. fetish, always good to hear from you as we have a lot in common and I appreciate you following my posts. I realize that Hawaii would be much better with a partner or someone your own age, that's for sure. So although I don't know whether or not she will have a good time, if she's human and did love me there should be something eating away at her because she was supposed to have me there with her and she doesn't. If it isn't eating away at her, which I suspect it isn't, then I pitty the next guy who gets involved with her and ends up being trampled over like I was and I truly don't know if she can last with anyone anytime soon. When I read her message I was furious, I was on my way home from my little trip out of town with my guy friends and I read that and I was fuming inside. However I took a few deep breaths and calmed myself down and realized that I have to expect this from this person. She is definitely asking for trouble if she keeps talking that way and is only making herself look bad to me. It took me a little bit but I was able to brush it off. Chi town, I definitely know I have to delete her. I have been hesitant about it and have just been trying to stay off of it all together lately. I haven't looked at her page in a month now, but I don't like having that open door between us by having her on my Facebook. I know I need to do that, and I know if I don't I will end up on here making another thread about how my heart sank when I ended up seeing her pictures, even if I try not to see them. Plus, I know she has to truly feel rejection. She has to truly feel I'm gone. Maybe she doesn't feel that if I'm still her friend on Facebook. Am4Real, basically we planned this trip to Hawaii because her aunt and uncle were stationed there with the military so we had a place to stay and free meals for part of or most of it. We were planning to get a hotel for part of it and do things on our own too though. So basically she told me I wasn't welcome to go anymore and she's gone there on her own but will be meeting up with her aunt and uncle and staying with them while she's there I guess.
Author confused1989 Posted April 28, 2011 Author Posted April 28, 2011 Well it's been a couple of days now since she left to go on the trip. I feel like I anticipated it and prepared for it so long and I think I have been doing pretty good. My anger levels towards her have sky rocketed since she left, and one of my friends said she seems to be having fun based on her facebook statuses, and I told him not to tell me that knid of stuff anymore and tried to brush it off. Obviously she's not going to post that she's having a bad time, and I'm sure she actually is having a good time too because it is hawaii after all. However I am still pissed off at how insensitive she's being and I am really starting to resent her, something I feel oddly about but I can't help it.
Author confused1989 Posted April 29, 2011 Author Posted April 29, 2011 Just posting here again to clear my mind off things. It's late at night where I am now, and my mind tends to be in the worst state late at night and early in the mornings. I have a huge urge to tell her off. I'm extremely frustrated and angry with her, I don't know if these are the feelings I'm supposed to be having after 5 weeks of NC but nonetheless that's what I'm experiencing right now. I have obviously been having mixed feelings lately as I have anticipated this trip for so long now. I started off with sadness and curiosity, and did some reflection about how I got myself into this position. Then that quickly turned into hatred towards her and I definitely do not ever want to hear from her again. Atleast this is the frame of mind that I'm in currently. All of my friends and couples my own age are all gone on great vacations with each other, and all I'm reminded of is how in 1.5 years my ex never wanted to go on trips alone with just me and how frustrated this used to make me and how she screwed me over and how I'm dirt to her so she should be dirt to me too. I'm seeing all these happy couples going off to places while my ex has gone off on a trip that I was supposed to be on. Well I hope she doesn't come anywhere near me again, she can shove it, she's off the pedestal and maybe it's good that she's gone on that vacation by herself because she's there with the only person who she truly loves and that is herself.
Am4Real Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Just posting here again to clear my mind off things. It's late at night where I am now, and my mind tends to be in the worst state late at night and early in the mornings. I have a huge urge to tell her off. I'm extremely frustrated and angry with her, I don't know if these are the feelings I'm supposed to be having after 5 weeks of NC but nonetheless that's what I'm experiencing right now. I have obviously been having mixed feelings lately as I have anticipated this trip for so long now. I started off with sadness and curiosity, and did some reflection about how I got myself into this position. Then that quickly turned into hatred towards her and I definitely do not ever want to hear from her again. Atleast this is the frame of mind that I'm in currently. All of my friends and couples my own age are all gone on great vacations with each other, and all I'm reminded of is how in 1.5 years my ex never wanted to go on trips alone with just me and how frustrated this used to make me and how she screwed me over and how I'm dirt to her so she should be dirt to me too. I'm seeing all these happy couples going off to places while my ex has gone off on a trip that I was supposed to be on. Well I hope she doesn't come anywhere near me again, she can shove it, she's off the pedestal and maybe it's good that she's gone on that vacation by herself because she's there with the only person who she truly loves and that is herself. Have you thought about starting a daily journal/diary where you can record all your thoughts and write in the first person as if you were talking to her or scolding her. It's also a great way to track your progress...you will eventually go from two or three times a day entries, to once per day to every other day and then become bored with it all as you progress further. It really works and might do wonderful for you being away from home and on your own. It's like having a companion ot hear all of your thoughts.
ShoeGurl1973 Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 When you deal with someone like this - an ex that keeps wanting send you tidbits, the best advice I can give is not to engage them. Seriously, NO CONTACT all the way. It will stop once thier need for attention has not been met consistantly.
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