california15 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 We're not dating yet - because we currently live a state apart, but he is going to move here for a job in a few months and we're going to give it a go then and we talk pretty frequently now. He says we're not dating or exclusive yet, so we don't need to act like it. He doesn't care if I hook up with other people, and he expects the same since its not exclusive. He has the mentality of He does him, I do me since we're both technically 'single', for the next few months until he moves down here. I don't like that - I don't want to be played, but if we're not dating can I really even say anything?
Jazzari Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 You can tell him that you want to be exclusive now. The fact that he's ok with you being with other men is a red flag, imho.
TigerCub Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I don't see what's wrong with what he's saying. He's being honest with you. He could have told you that you're his girl and screwed around on you - you don't even live in the same state, so how would you know? He's being honest, and since you're not dating right now anyways, he doesn't owe you anything, and on top of it, he's being fair by giving you the same free pass to date and screw whoever you want. When he moves to your state for work, he wants to date you, and then you guys can be exclusive. I honestly don't see what's wrong with that if you're not even dating right now.
Author california15 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 * Jazzari; sometimes I have the mentality that if you like someone you will make it work no matter where you are which is why I want exclusivity now and if we're gunna give it a go in a little bit, why wait? * Tigercub; but this makes sense that at least he is being honest and it would be easy to screw other people and I'd never know... at least I know its a possibility i know he could be - and its leaves the wondering if he's 'cheating' being in a LDR. just didnt want it to be a "have the cake and eat it too" situation where he gets with other people and knows I'll be there in a few months for him - waiting like an idiot because I really like him i think i'm battling the question of "he must not care about me enough because he doesn't want to be with me now" vs "he cares about enough to be honest that he won't be exclusive until were in the same city and official"
TigerCub Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 * Tigercub; but this makes sense that at least he is being honest and it would be easy to screw other people and I'd never know... at least I know its a possibility i know he could be - and its leaves the wondering if he's 'cheating' being in a LDR. just didnt want it to be a "have the cake and eat it too" situation where he gets with other people and knows I'll be there in a few months for him - waiting like an idiot because I really like him but you wouldn't be waiting like an idiot - you'd be out having your own fun. i think i'm battling the question of "he must not care about me enough because he doesn't want to be with me now" vs "he cares about enough to be honest that he won't be exclusive until were in the same city and official" Maybe I'm not understanding the whole story. Was he a bf that went out of state and will be returning or was he someone you met while out of state and you never really dated. If its the first, then yes, by all means you should be offended. If its the second, then he was never with you and he can't be with you NOW. He wants to date you when he's in the same state, but why not get all the need for variety and screwing around out now (for both of you) and then when he's in your state, you can date and be exclusive and not wonder about 'did he have enough fun to actually settle down and not wonder about what he might have missed out on?" maybe its me, but I'd rather be with someone that's been there done that, got it out of their system than someone that hardly did anything and then later regrets it and later wants to take a break or cheat or whatever. I dunno, just me I guess..
Author california15 Posted April 28, 2011 Author Posted April 28, 2011 I feel like I'm more relationship ready than he is. I had my fun, I don't want that anymore. I just hope he's getting his fun out of the way, so like TC said, he will be ready for a relationship. Is that going to look bad if I'm still available when he moved here - like I waited?
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