so-wrong Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Finally hit 1 mth NC so why does it feel like an absolute lifetime? ( I know that I have to stay strong but also fully understand that I am only sticking to NC for him to sort his life out. It isn't because I want it. And even then I am not being in the slightest bit unselfish, because deep down I understand that right now he wouldn't welcome my intrusion in his life, I'd just be a complication. Plus I am a big believer in NC means no new hurts & I just don't feel that I could cope if he were to reject me right now. I do believe there is a lot of 'unfinished business' between us though & in some shape or form we will be in contact again. For those looking to attack me as I am also M, I really am making an effort for my H. I wish I could turn my emotions & desires off for the MM but as you know, it really isn't that simple. I am actually feeling really scared that I will never be able to move forward & will be stuck here forever. I know I'm being a total pain at the moment but it seems to give me a temporary sense of calm to write things down like this.
MLC64 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Finally hit 1 mth NC so why does it feel like an absolute lifetime? ( I know that I have to stay strong but also fully understand that I am only sticking to NC for him to sort his life out. It isn't because I want it. And even then I am not being in the slightest bit unselfish, because deep down I understand that right now he wouldn't welcome my intrusion in his life, I'd just be a complication. Plus I am a big believer in NC means no new hurts & I just don't feel that I could cope if he were to reject me right now. I do believe there is a lot of 'unfinished business' between us though & in some shape or form we will be in contact again. For those looking to attack me as I am also M, I really am making an effort for my H. I wish I could turn my emotions & desires off for the MM but as you know, it really isn't that simple. I am actually feeling really scared that I will never be able to move forward & will be stuck here forever. I know I'm being a total pain at the moment but it seems to give me a temporary sense of calm to write things down like this. SW......congrats on your month NC. That to me in unbelievable! I hope to achieve that one day. Right now my heart is aching again....that first ridiculous week, over and over. Now the normal week starts as does the hurt again. I feel such loss, grieving this RL is so much harder than I thought because there are so many other componenets to deal with than a regular relationship. And yes, none of it shouldn't have happened anyways....stay strong, you are doing great. Write it down...that is why I posted, I feel the same. I wanted to write him an email and save it but that got me no where the last time I did it with a text. Made me miss him more....
Rooke Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Please don't get back in contact now, you've come so far, been so strong. Carry on with NC and if you break it you'll be right back to square one. You should be really proud of yourself.
JadedAmore Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 One month is great! Soon it will be two, then six, then a year.. continue doing what you are doing. As for your M, what are you doing to work on it? Have you sought out counseling? Seriously, one month NC is not something to dismiss - that is an accomplishment! Pat yourself on the back and treat yourself to something special.
Author so-wrong Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 We tried MC but it is really expensive over here & the waiting times between sessions are horrendous in our area so we really didn't find it very useful. I'm trying to spend more time talking & enjoying things with my H. Unfortunately it is just so damned hard not to wish he was MM instead. But I really will try for my children's sakes if nothing else. Just wish I knew when the day will come when MM is not on my mind constantly. It's like he's haunting me & I bet he never, ever thinks of me, aahh! This feels like torture.
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