Saraswati57 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 It seems from the accounts I'm reading that if you pass mid-20s without dating/sex experience you are considered F**ked up in some way, I probably do agree with this. Problem is, I'm one of those guys. I think lack of experience and progression with age makes you even more screwed up, though. I know a guy that lost his at 27 (girl in same situation). Thing is, I've been diagnosed with a one of the most severe forms of social anxiey my doc has seen. I suppose I do have friends, but meeting new people is sheer torture for me (esp. women). Women have approached me and all that, it's very difficult for me to open up although I've made a few female acquiantances(sp) through that I have no interest in dating wise, just talking mainly. Anyway, is this the general belief among women, that 25 is the "point of no return"? I'm not getting offended here, I'm just seeking information, really.
Jynxx Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 You aren't ****ed, but I do think you're likely never catching up with the average again. If you're mid 20s and have had relationships for under 6 months that's under 2% of your life. Compare that with a "social butterfly" who is getting in relationships even 50% of the time since he was 15, and that is 20% of his life. NOt just spend dating or in relationship, but handling it, compromising, going through rough relationshipperiods and learning how to deal with it etc. The guy will be so far ahead when it comes to relationshiphandling compared to the guy who doesn't have experience, added to the fact that he will be more confident and most likely have more of a natural talent for it. Now why does this matter? It matters because girls compare a relationship with other relationships, and if you fall out pale there will be tensions and she will reevaluate your relationship. In other words, if you're much worse than average you're in trouble and you better have qualities to compensate for it. Sorry to make such a depressing post, but I'm in the same position and this is my view on it.
Author Saraswati57 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 Sorry to hear you're in the same situation, no worries about offending me like I said I just want to see everyone's views on the subject.
gaius Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 (edited) At 25 people might raise an eyebrow if they hear you haven't had a relationship, but I think 30 is the age where they really start wondering what's going on if you haven't landed anyone. There isn't really a “point of no return” though. You can acquire the skills needed to get laid when you're 50 and still manage to pull it off. Might not want to mention being a virgin when that old though. Edited April 25, 2011 by gaius
RP39 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 At 25 people might raise an eyebrow if they hear you haven't had a relationship, but I think 30 is the age where they really start wondering what's going on if you haven't landed anyone. At 39, it's utterly hopeless.
Jazzari Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I don't think there is such a thing as "point of no return". You can find love at any time. You said you were seeing a doctor. For how long? Is it helping?
RP39 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I don't think there is such a thing as "point of no return". You can find love at any time. You said you were seeing a doctor. For how long? Is it helping? Would you date a 39 year old guy who hasn't had a relationship? Do you know anyone that would? I'm highly doubtful that someone would. Have you ever been single for a year straight. How about 10 years? It messes with your head when it's one rejction after another.
Ross MwcFan Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Would you date a 39 year old guy who hasn't had a relationship? Do you know anyone that would? I'm highly doubtful that someone would. Have you ever been single for a year straight. How about 10 years? It messes with your head when it's one rejction after another. You'll probably come across as inexperienced, but I'm not sure it'll be that obvious to women that you've never had a relationship before.
Jazzari Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Would you date a 39 year old guy who hasn't had a relationship? Do you know anyone that would? I'm highly doubtful that someone would. Have you ever been single for a year straight. How about 10 years? It messes with your head when it's one rejction after another.I was single for 4 years after my divorce. But I wasn't ready to date so it doesn't really apply to your situation. I've not been in a situation with multiple rejections. I'm sure would be painful beyond words. As for dating a 39 year old guy: I've never known a man's dating history when we first start seeing each other. So the situation has never come up. The only thing I want to know at the start is that he is single and not emotionally involved with anyone else. I'm not trying to downplay the pain and difficulty of the situation. I'm just saying never give up hope and never stop trying.
RP39 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 You'll probably come across as inexperienced, but I'm not sure it'll be that obvious to women that you've never had a relationship before. They will know within the first minute of a date that I don't know what I'm doing and will figure out that I've never had a relationship soon after. I may as well tell then. It's hopeless no matter what I do.
Star Gazer Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 The extreme social anxiety would likely be a bigger hindrance than your lack of experience.
Ross MwcFan Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 They will know within the first minute of a date that I don't know what I'm doing and will figure out that I've never had a relationship soon after. I may as well tell then. It's hopeless no matter what I do. I always hear most or a lot of relationships start through friendships, the two people start off as friends and can then end up develop feelings for each other. If this happens, I doubt your inexperience will matter to her. To make there be a better chance of this happening to you, you need to put yourself around different women more often, socialise, join a club or whatever. Then again, amybe I don't know what the **** I'm talkng about.
RP39 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 The extreme social anxiety would likely be a bigger hindrance than your lack of experience. That's impossible becuase lack of experience is a hinderance with about all of you. You mentioned it yourself.
ASG Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Would you date a 39 year old guy who hasn't had a relationship? Do you know anyone that would? I'm highly doubtful that someone would. Have you ever been single for a year straight. How about 10 years? It messes with your head when it's one rejction after another. I've been single for about 8 years straight. That is not what this is about. But being 39 and still inexperienced means there's something not right with your approach to women. I have a few friends in that kind of situation (albeit none that old). And they are socially awkward, geeks, and have no idea how to talk to a woman. One of my best friends... he's not a virgin anymore, cause a few years ago he dated a girl for a few weeks... But even though he's somewhat cute, and into sports and all that, he has *no* filter, for instance. He's the kind of guy that can walk up to a girl he doesn't know that well and say "hey.. you've put on weight!!" Or something to that effect, which might be true... but you just don't say! And most women don't want an awkward conversation with a guy. At the end of it they might think he was nice, but instantly friend zoned, cause for a gy to have any shot with a woman, he needs to make her feel like... well... a woman! Which mostly doesn't happen with these friends of mine. I hope it works out for you though!
Ross MwcFan Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 If women have approached you, then you've totally got hope. I never get approached.
RP39 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I was single for 4 years after my divorce. But I wasn't ready to date so it doesn't really apply to your situation. I've not been in a situation with multiple rejections. I'm sure would be painful beyond words. As for dating a 39 year old guy: I've never known a man's dating history when we first start seeing each other. So the situation has never come up. The only thing I want to know at the start is that he is single and not emotionally involved with anyone else. I'm not trying to downplay the pain and difficulty of the situation. I'm just saying never give up hope and never stop trying. I'm surprised that you say not to give up. It's painful beyond words. Year after year, decade after decade, nothing meaningful. The saddest part is I have a beaten down feeling from all of the rejections and have no earthly idea how to get out.
yessy21 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Maybe... just maybe theres someone out there that feels the same way u do. and i bet.... that u will one day meet her.
RP39 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I've been single for about 8 years straight. That is not what this is about. But being 39 and still inexperienced means there's something not right with your approach to women. I have a few friends in that kind of situation (albeit none that old). And they are socially awkward, geeks, and have no idea how to talk to a woman. One of my best friends... he's not a virgin anymore, cause a few years ago he dated a girl for a few weeks... But even though he's somewhat cute, and into sports and all that, he has *no* filter, for instance. He's the kind of guy that can walk up to a girl he doesn't know that well and say "hey.. you've put on weight!!" Or something to that effect, which might be true... but you just don't say! And most women don't want an awkward conversation with a guy. At the end of it they might think he was nice, but instantly friend zoned, cause for a gy to have any shot with a woman, he needs to make her feel like... well... a woman! Which mostly doesn't happen with these friends of mine. I hope it works out for you though! There are so many very complicated stages just to get a date. One wrong move and all for naught. All my dates are awkward because I don't know her yet. Instantly friendzoned, you got that right, except they don't want to be my friend. Then it gets even more complicated. Even if I make it past some dates, I have no confience in my ability to be a good kisser and even less in knowing what to do during sex. I don't know how to kiss remantically and nobody likes that. I don't know what she looks like underneath. I won't even know where to stick my thingy and she'll run off scared. I wish it was fun, but it's more like the most grueling job interview imaginable and then some.
RP39 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I always hear most or a lot of relationships start through friendships, the two people start off as friends and can then end up develop feelings for each other. If this happens, I doubt your inexperience will matter to her. To make there be a better chance of this happening to you, you need to put yourself around different women more often, socialise, join a club or whatever. Then again, amybe I don't know what the **** I'm talkng about. It's never happened.
nikkihush Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 First of all, stop thinking of your age, the number, and stop stressing about that. Who cares what other people think about your age and lack of experience? Work on getting yourself well, take whatever meds necessary to overcome the social anxiety part of it, and then maybe you'll be more open to meeting someone with the potential for dating and sex. Also, you don't have to disclose "why" to every possible date/sex partner. Just tell them it just hasn't happened yet because you have strong feelings about it. Also, sometimes we never get approached when we have zero confidence and consider ourselves not worthy of being approached. Stop worrying about your V-"status" and work on making yourself feel worthy and the girl will come.... it might help if you join a few things just for exposure's sake. I don't care if you're 40, you have the right attitude and you can turn this around.....! Good luck - relax - start enjoying your days and feeling worthy and it will happen!
ASG Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Even if I make it past some dates, I have no confience in my ability to be a good kisser and even less in knowing what to do during sex. I don't know how to kiss remantically and nobody likes that. I don't know what she looks like underneath. I won't even know where to stick my thingy and she'll run off scared. See?? This here is your problem. Your lack of confidence. No one finds that attractive. And in my life I've not come across a lot of bad kissers (it's probably only been about 5% to 10%), so you'll probably do ok! What is kissing someone romantically? You just do it! And then see where that leads you! YOU are hindering your chances. Stop overthinking things and just go for it! At least, even if it sucks, you can at least know what it's like! And next time will be better!
Ross MwcFan Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Maybe... just maybe theres someone out there that feels the same way u do. and i bet.... that u will one day meet her. Oh, come on.
Ross MwcFan Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 There are so many very complicated stages just to get a date. One wrong move and all for naught. All my dates are awkward because I don't know her yet. Instantly friendzoned, you got that right, except they don't want to be my friend. Then it gets even more complicated. Even if I make it past some dates, I have no confience in my ability to be a good kisser and even less in knowing what to do during sex. I don't know how to kiss remantically and nobody likes that. I don't know what she looks like underneath. I won't even know where to stick my thingy and she'll run off scared. I wish it was fun, but it's more like the most grueling job interview imaginable and then some. Surely you've seen porn?
bac Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 It seems from the accounts I'm reading that if you pass mid-20s without dating/sex experience you are considered F**ked up in some way, I probably do agree with this. Problem is, I'm one of those guys. I think lack of experience and progression with age makes you even more screwed up, though. I know a guy that lost his at 27 (girl in same situation). Thing is, I've been diagnosed with a one of the most severe forms of social anxiey my doc has seen. I suppose I do have friends, but meeting new people is sheer torture for me (esp. women). Women have approached me and all that, it's very difficult for me to open up although I've made a few female acquiantances(sp) through that I have no interest in dating wise, just talking mainly. Anyway, is this the general belief among women, that 25 is the "point of no return"? I'm not getting offended here, I'm just seeking information, really. According to the human development science, the point of no return is about after 40. From 20 to 40, every person is in the stage called 'intimacy vs. isolation' (the scale of human development of Erickson). If a person was not able to achieve intimacy during the time, he is not probably capable of doing that later in life.
bac Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Would you date a 39 year old guy who hasn't had a relationship? Do you know anyone that would? I'm highly doubtful that someone would. Have you ever been single for a year straight. How about 10 years? It messes with your head when it's one rejction after another. Only a man can say so. Many women would date a virgin guy of any age. Most women would prefer a virgin, 39 to a slut, 39. Women do not date him for the other reasons associated with his virginity. For example, social anxiety is the one of the reasons.
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