VoraciousTermite Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I recently broke up with my first girlfriend and love after 2.5 years. The full story can be seen here: Link For a summary, she told me that she was unhappy in our relationship since a few months after going out. That she's been having doubts for a long time. She also dropped the bombshell that she's been basically emotionally cheating on me. She feels a connection to another guy and they've been hanging out. She continued to hang out even after I told her that she should stop seeing him and focus on us. But she wasn't sure about breaking up. Since I cared about her, I gave her some time. After about 2 weeks, I basically gave her an ultimatum: stop prolonging the inevitable or lets try to seriously work this out. She decided to breakup. I am a very introverted person. She was actually the one that started the relationship in the first place. I don't always put myself out there, so when she came to me, something just felt right about it. I felt (and still do feel) a really strong connection to her. Apparently she didn't feel the same way. I seriously worry about my ability to meet people. I'm not one to go out and initiate contact, but yet I feel a deep desire for companionship. I want to focus on myself for a while and to get over this relationship. Also, I will be starting my career (graduating soon from college), so I don't think I want to start something new until I get settled in to my new surroundings. But then what? I fear that outside a college setting, I won't run into enough people to find "the one." Nonetheless, I've come to understand that this was a good experience either way. I understand a lot more about what I want and who I am as a person. I realize that we were looking for different things in the relationship. This being said, I still get REALLY depressed at times. I don't know why. I constantly remind myself that this was for the best, that there were signs and that there are more fish in the sea that are even better for me. At times, I am really happy and accept this as the truth. Nonetheless, I still descend into a really depressed state at least once a day, and I just have to kind of "wait it out". Is there a good way to get out of this state? Any tips? I also struggle with certain aspects of the breakup. Most importantly, I question how a person so sweet and loving could do something like this. My friends and everyone I know would NEVER expect a person like her to even consider doing something this hurtful. This might be a little deep, it makes me question the goodness of humanity in general. Do people always strive for the good, or will they always give into this kind of temptation and cause hurt? I fear that this type of pain and fear of a repeat situation will always haunt me. I also struggle with the circumstances. I can't help thinking that if this guy never came around, she would be more inclined to try to work things out. That she had this "backup plan" and took the easy way out. She saw she could find happiness elsewhere, so why try to work this out. We had worked through many difficult times before, and always stayed together. Why do these problems become unresolvable once there is an easy "escape plan"? Thank you in advance.
SCG_Sasa1111 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 As i read this I couldn't help but notice the striking similarities in our situations. The exact same thing happened to me back in November. I was with my ex for 4.5 years we got together when we were 16 years old. We went through everything together, highschool, prom, universtiy, everything you can think of we did together. We grew up one of the most important years of our lives. I am 20 now, going to be 21 soon and this all happened when I left for 15 days to visit my family back in my home country. During this time period one of her friends from her program in university got close to her as I was gone and was her comfort because she was devastated I was gone for this long. We would be with each other everyday. Anyway...so as I got back I could tell that something was wrong she kept texting him and eventually I got fed up I told her to stop and she just said I was overeacting she is just friends with him. I did not consider this guy a threat what so ever, but I was naive, very naive and because of this I learned a big lesson. Never ever be 100 percent sure about anything. I thought this girl loved me and was crazy about me; which she was but after those 15 days when I came back she wasn't the same. The summer went by and I could feel us drifting apart day by day. At the end of september I told her I am going to break up with her because I can't take her avoiding of me anymore. I was even told that she was with that guy on campus and stuff. This was all shocking to me. However, the worst part came when I told her I wanted to break up and she did nothing about it and sort of accepted this cuz as u said she had an escape plan. The only reason I even mentioned this was so that I can make her realize i was being serious and that she was competley forgetting about US. October came along we were "trying" to fix the relationship but nothing was happening. I came to her place late one night after my soccer game to find out that he was at her place. She lied and told me that it was late I should go home and i told her i needed to talk to her I couldn't take this anymore we needed to fix this. She said we should talk another time, I lost it and went through the door only to see him comin from down the stairs...This moment was by far the worst in my life and it happened during midterms in university- one of the worst times possible - i could not study it consumed me 24 7. followed me. and it still does to this day. April 26th 2011. My point is ( I KNOW THIS IS LONG) is that I feel the same way you did - how can she do this? how can she do this to me after so long? We had the best 4.5 years she even told me if you never left this never would have happened. SO i dont understand why LET IT GET that faR? I don't know the answer to this - I never will and I feel like the more we try the more we will just be thinking bout the past. I think we just have to accept it. With time of course; I know that 5 months is not even close to the amount of time I need to where this doesn't come up on my mind at least 20 times a day. But with time..i guess with timee we accept things somehow. I feel your pain. IM going through it right now as well. The worst thing is she came to me crying after 2 months saying she made a mistake and how she cant do this she is messing up her life being with him..and next thing you know..she is still with him..she couldnt let it go. Soo i dont understand it I never will but what can you do. She is dead to me I could never be with her again after all of this..
Fufu Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Also, I will be starting my career (graduating soon from college), so I don't think I want to start something new until I get settled in to my new surroundings. But then what? I fear that outside a college setting, I won't run into enough people to find "the one." This is a good start. For now, concentrate on your study and career first. Ironically, love comes when we are not seeking for it. Descending into depress mood at times is normal, I still do, think of him and the break up that didn't come as expected. However, whenever you rode through the roller coaster moods, you always become stronger and more clear on what you want for yourself. Move on and believe in yourself.
NoLifeKing Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I'm basically going through the same thing... Heres my story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t275093/ I guess the important thing is to realize that people change. At least you can look back on it and really feel that it meant something to you, regardless of what she thinks of it...shows you are the better person
disbelieve Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Wow I thought I was the only one going thru all this. Its a tough scenario believe me and it is still so fresh, just hang in there man. I am depressed myself and trying to be strong its not easy.
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