NicoleM Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I have been seeing this guy for 3 weeks now and one minute he seems super eager to see me and my phone is blowing up with all the texts and one minute he is super flirty and the next he acts like I have the black plaque or something. I texted him the other day about a dance my church was having next weekend and would he be interested in going and normally he texts me right away or at least later on that night but I hear nothing and figure oh, well he must be busy so I wait the next day again nothing which again is super weird since he always text me and all of my friends say hmm maybe he just isn't that into you based on his behavior lately so I listen to them and write him off cry my eyes out and guess who texts me 4 days later and says I think I can make it but I might be going out of town for a business trip though:confused: He waits 4 days to tell me this and all of my friends kept saying he just isn't into you anymore if he had cared he would of texted you that day or the next day and his hot/cold behavior is really rude and immature I would dump him. The thing is while I am super annoyed by his mind games and his hot/cold behavior I do still have feelings for him and he did text me finally so that is a positive thing right?? My friends are annoyed by his behavior so I can't ask them anymore so I found this forum and hopefully someone out there can steer me in the right direction:D
NoMagicBullet Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Are you here for honest advice, or do you want to hear that your friends are wrong? Because your friends are right -- he's not that into you. Finally getting a text 4 days later saying "I might be able to make it or I might be out of town" is not a positive. At best, you are on the back burner. Way, way, way off in the back. You may be off the stove completely. Cut him loose and move on.
Author NicoleM Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 I just don't get it why is he doing this to me? One minute he likes me and the next he is being a total D-Bag.
soulm8 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 He's "doing this" because he can. Don't let him "do it" to you any more.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I just don't get it why is he doing this to me? One minute he likes me and the next he is being a total D-Bag. Because he is trying to make you feel ****ty about yourself so you will consort to waste your time with him. Don't let him. Dump him and never speak to him again.
Author NicoleM Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 I should give a little back story about him...... He used to be engaged for 7 years maybe that is why he is scared?? Maybe he has a hard time trusting anyone?
soulm8 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I should give a little back story about him...... He used to be engaged for 7 years maybe that is why he is scared?? Maybe he has a hard time trusting anyone? Stop making excuses for him. You know it's not right... you'll only regret hanging on.
Freshprince Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 He used to be engaged for 7 years maybe that is why he is scared?? Maybe he has a hard time trusting anyone? He was engaged for 7 straight years and never tied the knot? Yeah, that doesn't help your case at all. I think the rest of the posters and your friends, for that matter, are exercising some good judgment. Be thankful that you have friends who are willing to be honest with you instead of let you get controlled by some jerk.
NoMagicBullet Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 He's "doing this" because he can. Don't let him "do it" to you any more. Yep. He gives you a little bit, like that text, to keep you on the hook, and there you are. And him being engaged for 7 years is not a good sign -- either he didn't want to commit, or if he did and she didn't, he could still be in revenge mode for how his ex treated him (ie, playing with women).
Author NicoleM Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 The ex apparently cheated on him and he always bad mouths her everytime we went out he would say my ex and I went there one day or he would say my ex is such a mean person. When we go out he says the sweetest things like you are the cutest person I have ever dated or I love the way you wear your hair and then when we text he is a different person more distant which like I said when we started going out he would always text but then he became more distant. He definitely confuses me for sure....... I don't think he has alot of women but then again I have no idea:confused: He is kinda nerdy and he did pick me up on POF which means he can't pick up anyone in a bar,etc. I only joined POF because my friends said it was a fun site and he happened to be the first one to contact me now I wish I had never met him:rolleyes:
heartbrokengrl Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 this sounds exactly like mine except mine got wayyyyy better. mine was engaged with his girlfriend, been with her for 8 years, they broke up only 3 months before we met. she cheated on him and she moved out with her new girlfriend (she's bisexual) and we started out strong, then he kept pulling back off and on and he would say how he would never get back together with her, called her a mean crazy girl, yet she'd still try to be friends with him. now i dont think really talk anymore, but it took awhile for him to come around and realize he wanted to be with me. i had to do some convincing (not desperation) but give him space. he tried to break it off with me twice earlier one, but we've only been together 4 months now. for the past month and a half he's been the perfect boyfriend. it was rocky for a bit but i have to understand he was still healing and was in pain as he had told me. i know he still loves his ex, she was his best friend, but he knows he had to move on and maybe he's still in pain and i dont see it, but he's been totally devoted and affectionate with me that i trust he wont try to back off again. however, this guy is an Aquarius, and ive read a lot recently they are very hot and cold emotionally haha but we're together, still building a relationship but right now he said he can't love anyone but that i make him happy. hope this helps a little from my story.
whichwayisup Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I have been seeing this guy for 3 weeks now and one minute he seems super eager to see me and my phone is blowing up with all the texts and one minute he is super flirty and the next he acts like I have the black plaque or something. I texted him the other day about a dance my church was having next weekend and would he be interested in going and normally he texts me right away or at least later on that night but I hear nothing and figure oh, well he must be busy so I wait the next day again nothing which again is super weird since he always text me and all of my friends say hmm maybe he just isn't that into you based on his behavior lately so I listen to them and write him off cry my eyes out and guess who texts me 4 days later and says I think I can make it but I might be going out of town for a business trip though:confused: He waits 4 days to tell me this and all of my friends kept saying he just isn't into you anymore if he had cared he would of texted you that day or the next day and his hot/cold behavior is really rude and immature I would dump him. The thing is while I am super annoyed by his mind games and his hot/cold behavior I do still have feelings for him and he did text me finally so that is a positive thing right?? My friends are annoyed by his behavior so I can't ask them anymore so I found this forum and hopefully someone out there can steer me in the right direction:D Stop relying on texts to communicate and CALL HIM. You two should speak on the phone more often. It's so easy to read a text the wrong way, or assum the worst if not answered asap. Anyway, go with him to this Church function and then talk to him later about how you feel, how he feels and where things could be heading.
whichwayisup Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I should give a little back story about him...... He used to be engaged for 7 years maybe that is why he is scared?? Maybe he has a hard time trusting anyone? How long have you been seeing him? And, how long ago did they break up before he started seeing you?
Author NicoleM Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 We have been seeing each other for 3 weeks and have been on 7 dates. He broke up with her in November ( no idea when he joined POF) and he contacted me in March and we talked for a bit and finally went out and we had so much fun together and then his texts got more sporadic like one minute he would blow up my phone with all of his texts the next he would shut down. The last time I saw him was 2 Saturdays ago and he acted weird after that and I thought maybe I did something:confused: We texted here and there and then he went MIA and really thought it was over and he texted me back with that answer I think I will go to your dance but I might be going out of town that day. He actually texted me yesterday but it was kinda a casual text like I saw a good movie last night and I said awesome! I texted him today so see if he wanted to talk on AIM for a minute and I heard nothing:rolleyes: One minute he wants to talk the next he ignores me. Do you see how crazy I am getting??
Professor X Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 OK, some women don't seem to get it. So let me say it again: IF A MAN WANTS YOU, HE WILL RIP THE WORLD APART TO GET TO YOU. And no, replying to you after 4 days is not ripping the world apart as you might think.
Author NicoleM Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 Does it ever get any better?? I keep thinking about him all the time and I keep thinking maybe just maybe. I do not know why I keep torturing myself! I will admit I have really,really low self-esteem.
dispatch3d Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 I have been seeing this guy for 3 weeks now and one minute he seems super eager to see me and my phone is blowing up with all the texts and one minute he is super flirty and the next he acts like I have the black plaque or something. I texted him the other day about a dance my church was having next weekend and would he be interested in going and normally he texts me right away or at least later on that night but I hear nothing and figure oh, well he must be busy so I wait the next day again nothing which again is super weird since he always text me and all of my friends say hmm maybe he just isn't that into you based on his behavior lately so I listen to them and write him off cry my eyes out and guess who texts me 4 days later and says I think I can make it but I might be going out of town for a business trip though:confused: He waits 4 days to tell me this and all of my friends kept saying he just isn't into you anymore if he had cared he would of texted you that day or the next day and his hot/cold behavior is really rude and immature I would dump him. The thing is while I am super annoyed by his mind games and his hot/cold behavior I do still have feelings for him and he did text me finally so that is a positive thing right?? My friends are annoyed by his behavior so I can't ask them anymore so I found this forum and hopefully someone out there can steer me in the right direction:D Your friends are lame. He could just take a long time to make decisions. There's more than one explanation for something. Certainly the only explanation for things from a guys point of view aren't "Well I'm not doing this because I don't really like her". Actually I don't think I've ever thought like that haha. I may not show up to a date because I'm not interested, or not return affection because I don't want to lead them on. I've certainly never decided to wait 4 days to reply to a text rather than 2 days just because I wasn't that into the girl. Didn't mean won't show up - I meant won't plan a date, or be obtuse about when it will happen.
LittleMaya Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 You might want to read this: http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/ See how you feel after that.
vsmini Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Blowing Hot & Cold as my friend NML would say. Dump him and move on. These kind of guys are a dime a dozen.
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