Callisto484 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I'm the one that wrote regarding my chronic workaholic husband. I am just distraught. This whole issue has me emotionally wrecked. I love my husband and I want to save our marriage, but there is the grey area. He doesn't know if he wants to stay married but also refuses to ask for a divorce. So I find myself stuck. As if I can't move forward. I just want a resolution. Something. Anything! We agreed to spend some time apart and so I am currently in NYC while he is in California, where we live. I decided to come to NYC to visit my family but this trip has been marred by my obsession with this issue. I don't know what to do. I don't know...I don't want a divorce. I love my husband. I am in love with my husband. The idea of a divorce just has me utterly devastated. I have considered doing the NC rule but I feel that that will do more harm than good. After all, if we are not in contact with each other then how can you communicate and try to work things out? I can't play that game. I simply won't...I live from my heart and I don't know how to turn them off. I wish I were indifferent to the issue. To not be affected one way or another but that is not the case.
Steadfast Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 (edited) It's hard to say from the outside just how 'apart' you and your husband are. If relations have stopped, communication is non-existent and you're sleeping apart then non-communication might be the right thing to do. If it truly is gray, the sensible thing to do is arrange for marriage counseling. NC is only advisable if infidelity has occurred and the spouse is gaslighting to keep you as a safety net. If you're not experiencing that, then keep the lines of communication open. Make sure he knows you care. Men seem to respond well to a hand-written letter. Write down what you've written here and give (or send) it to him. Make a date to talk face-to-face. Be positive, be uplifting and try not to guilt, pressure or manipulate him into a decision. You must get to the bottom of what's causing the issue for him. Remind him that you can't read his mind. And don't buy "I don't know". That only means he's afraid to tell you what's really bothering him. Posting here helps...if just to vent or gain some perspective. Hang in and take care of yourself- Edited April 25, 2011 by Steadfast
just_some_guy Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Will he go with you to marriage therapy or counseling?
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