TuffCookieX Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 For you guys to be able to judge, I need to give you a bunch of details, but I'll keep it as short as possible. Met a guy at a bar few weeks back, asked for his number... started a texting conversation that lasted for a while. Straight off the bat he said "if you are looking for a boyfriend, I am not the one for you." I didn't really ask why, but later on I found out he was going to be traveling overseas at the end of the year for work and he didn't want anything romatic and long distance. When asked, he admitted that he already does have a f*ck buddy or fwb. And then he said "word on the street is you're a freak". (We have a few mutual distant friends). I kind of ignored this fact but told myself I wouldn't fall for him or put out. I'm also hoping he doesn't want to hang out just because of my RUMORED reputation. Well anyway, his idea - he took me to a movie Friday night. Nothing intimate, but he did buy my ticket and he was very polite. Next night (last night) I told him I was sick in bed and bored and he offered to come over. We watched movies and talked a lot and he said he has rules for girls who are just "ass" such as no cuddling, which is far too intimate. And I said well I have rules for f*ck buddies too, such as no kissing - because that's also too intimate for someone you're not supposed to be emotionally connected to. Well anyway, we cuddled all night. He tried pulling minors moves and I gently pushed him away and he got the hint. I thought he would leave in the middle of the night if he realized I wasn't going to rip my clothes off for him but he stayed well into the morning and then left to go to his family's for Easter. Now, in the back of mind as a woman, I wonder if I can "change him" and "make him think I'm totally girlfriend material" although I know it has never worked for anyone and his warnings are serious. Am I digging myself a grave? Even if that's the case, I still would love to keep him as a platonic friend. He knows I have no intentions of sleeping with him at the moment. Also, last September I dated a guy who I thought was great and then finally when I gave in to the sex, he disappeared from my life. I'm hoping that isn't the case AGAIN - especially because of my past of "being a freak" which he was informed of. Thoughts?
daphne Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 You can't change him. I doubt you'll believe me, but after you try it a few times you'll realize it's not just a cliche.
sugarmomma Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Sounds like you two are made for each other. :rolleyes:
Shaun-Dro Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Since you're a reputable freak, just give him some and be done.
Hules Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Don't try to change him you will get burnt. Hes already told you that he isn't interested in a relationship take his word for it. In short, get your shovel and start digging your grave if you think you can change this guy.
Author TuffCookieX Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 The responses are appreciated. Does anyone have input on being just friends? Do you think he'd stick to a platonic relationship?
curlygirl40 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 If you want to be just friends, then be just friends. No sexting or cuddling in bed at night or hoping for more. If he doesn't want to be just friends with you, eventually he will get tired of trying to get you into bed and he'll move on. But if his main motivation is trying to get you to sleep with him, then don't be fooled by his nice guy act. He'll put it on as long as it takes, he'll consider it a challenge. When he says he's not boyfriend material, believe him. If you're asking 'would he stay all night with me if he only wanted sex with me and I didn't give it to him?', the answer is yes.
SmileFace Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Now, in the back of mind as a woman, I wonder if I can "change him" and "make him think I'm totally girlfriend material" Oh goodness please don't give people the impression that women think like this. Oh my word Anywho, just tell him you just want to be platonic friends. He was straight forward with you, so you be straight forward with him.
Author TuffCookieX Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 Oh goodness please don't give people the impression that women think like this. Oh my word Anywho, just tell him you just want to be platonic friends. He was straight forward with you, so you be straight forward with him. Didn't mean to generalize. And yes, I straight up said to his face I would just want to be platonic friends. And he said he was okay with it. But people tend to lie, hence my doubts.
chuckles11 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Didn't mean to generalize. And yes, I straight up said to his face I would just want to be platonic friends. And he said he was okay with it. But people tend to lie, hence my doubts. Well, he probably felt that you were lying. Even from your initial post, it seems that you aren't sure whether you actually just want to be platonic friends. Now, in the back of mind as a woman, I wonder if I can "change him" and "make him think I'm totally girlfriend material" although I know it has never worked for anyone and his warnings are serious. Am I digging myself a grave? Even if that's the case, I still would love to keep him as a platonic friend. He knows I have no intentions of sleeping with him at the moment. If you are truly seeking a platonic friendship, you're actions need to need to indicate that, not just your words. Most guys aren't going to see anything platonic about spending the night cuddling with you.
Author TuffCookieX Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 Well, he probably felt that you were lying. Even from your initial post, it seems that you aren't sure whether you actually just want to be platonic friends. If you are truly seeking a platonic friendship, you're actions need to need to indicate that, not just your words. Most guys aren't going to see anything platonic about spending the night cuddling with you. Well, I would prefer being just friends over a one-night stand and never see him again, but you are right in the second part of the post. I shall distance myself more. Thanks for the advice.
Shaun-Dro Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 For you guys to be able to judge, I need to give you a bunch of details, but I'll keep it as short as possible. Met a guy at a bar few weeks back, asked for his number... started a texting conversation that lasted for a while. Straight off the bat he said "if you are looking for a boyfriend, I am not the one for you." I didn't really ask why, but later on I found out he was going to be traveling overseas at the end of the year for work and he didn't want anything romatic and long distance. When asked, he admitted that he already does have a f*ck buddy or fwb. And then he said "word on the street is you're a freak". (We have a few mutual distant friends). I kind of ignored this fact but told myself I wouldn't fall for him or put out. I'm also hoping he doesn't want to hang out just because of my RUMORED reputation. Well anyway, his idea - he took me to a movie Friday night. Nothing intimate, but he did buy my ticket and he was very polite. Next night (last night) I told him I was sick in bed and bored and he offered to come over. We watched movies and talked a lot and he said he has rules for girls who are just "ass" such as no cuddling, which is far too intimate. And I said well I have rules for f*ck buddies too, such as no kissing - because that's also too intimate for someone you're not supposed to be emotionally connected to. Well anyway, we cuddled all night. He tried pulling minors moves and I gently pushed him away and he got the hint. I thought he would leave in the middle of the night if he realized I wasn't going to rip my clothes off for him but he stayed well into the morning and then left to go to his family's for Easter. Now, in the back of mind as a woman, I wonder if I can "change him" and "make him think I'm totally girlfriend material" although I know it has never worked for anyone and his warnings are serious. Am I digging myself a grave? Even if that's the case, I still would love to keep him as a platonic friend. He knows I have no intentions of sleeping with him at the moment. Also, last September I dated a guy who I thought was great and then finally when I gave in to the sex, he disappeared from my life. I'm hoping that isn't the case AGAIN - especially because of my past of "being a freak" which he was informed of. Thoughts? One of my biggest problems with women is the need to change a man. You cannot change anyone. Get that through your heads. It's one of the many reasons why they fail in relationships is by picking the wrong man in hopes of turning him into the right one, meanwhile the already "right" ones get left in the cold without given a fair chance. I see this is going to keep happening to women until they turn 40 or 50 and only then will she realize that it didn't work; that her attempts had been futile. But, unfortunately, by that time, she's no longer desired, being over the hill.
Freshprince Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I see different strands of thought in your initial post: "Next night (last night) I told him I was sick in bed and bored and he offered to come over. We watched movies and talked a lot and he said he has rules for girls who are just "ass" such as no cuddling, which is far too intimate. And I said well I have rules for f*ck buddies too, such as no kissing - because that's also too intimate for someone you're not supposed to be emotionally connected to." It seems like by admitting that you have "rules" for FwB's relationships, that you're setting the tone for having that possible sort of relationship with him. If you don't want to just be FwB's with someone, then it should be completely off the table if that subject ever comes up. Probably when you had that conversation, you implanted the idea in him that you were a possibility for him in that category. Also, since you have a rumored reputation, that probably played in as a factor. In terms of being his girlfriend, if he's moving far away from the area, do you really want to deal withing an LDR and the issues associated with it? Otherwise, I think all the other posters are right. If you want to be platonic friends, then keep it platonic. Cuddling and staying over all night just seem to really push that line, create ambiguity between you two, and allows him to think he's making progress towards his goal of getting laid (if that's what he's really all about). Good luck!
angielove Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 It sounds like he heard of your rumoured reputation and thought that you two would make a good match because you both have the same mindset and the same desires. I have a similar reputation and just recently a guy I vaguely know through friends suggested that we become f*** buddies. I was pretty offended and he seemed genuinely confused about my reaction. Anyway my point is... if you want something more, then maybe you should tell him that your reputation is false (or lie, if it's true) so he will not just see you as a compatible friend with benefits.
Author TuffCookieX Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 It sounds like he heard of your rumoured reputation and thought that you two would make a good match because you both have the same mindset and the same desires. I have a similar reputation and just recently a guy I vaguely know through friends suggested that we become f*** buddies. I was pretty offended and he seemed genuinely confused about my reaction. Anyway my point is... if you want something more, then maybe you should tell him that your reputation is false (or lie, if it's true) so he will not just see you as a compatible friend with benefits. Glad to have a similar perspective... thank you very much Angie.
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