aaaaaswed Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 Hi everyone, this is my first post and it's pretty long (sorry!), but here it goes... I dated my recent ex (both 18, I know, super young) for a bit over two years, and it was really wonderful. We loved and respected each other, never fought, and had so much fun together. We're each other's first love too, so I guess that made it even more special. But because of my parents' strong intervention we've been on and off a few times; they found out twice and forbid me to see him, but we got back together in secret both times. I used to feel like our love was strong enough to overcome anything, but recently I've been feeling like the guilt and fear of my parents have been overpowering the love (by fear, I mean fear of disappointment. I love my parents, they're great to me in all other aspects), and I guess my feelings for him hasn't exactly been the same since. And knowing that we need to focus on other things/we want different futures/things just aren't going to work out, it was stressing both of us out so much, and we have been so unsure we decided it'll be the best to end it. We made a few hasty decisions and was sort of on and off for a few weeks, but eventually it ended. We still care for and love each other, and agreed to try to stay in touch and all that. After we broke up, I was kind of relieved knowing that it was the right thing to do in the long run. But now I've been really sad, and I miss him and being in a relationship with him so much. He was like my best friend and he was always there for me. We are both young, so we weren't exactly looking for someone to spend the rest of our lives with, and I know there's still lots of time for me to get over him and eventually find the right person. But even though I know I shouldn't and probably won't, I want to get back together so badly. But yet still, the last time we did, I was happy to be with him again, but it just didn't feel right anymore. The stress was too much and that lead to our final break up. I guess I still kind of hope that we'd cross path several years down the future when I'm more independent. It doesn't even have to be a romantic encounter, I'd just be happy to have him (as a partner or friend), in my life again. But knowing reality, it's unlikely, and the thought that some day we're just going to fade away from each other's lives and become strangers who don't care anymore really kills me. Another thing is, he's been having some health problems which directly influences schooling for him. He's been getting home schooled, which hasn't been going too well, and overall it's been getting both him and me pretty down. Although I said that I'd still be here for him as a friend and to help him through everything, it's pretty clear that I won't be as close and intimately helpful to him as I would be if I was still his girlfriend. I've been feeling so selfish and guilty for that. Since he's getting home schooled and he's very introverted, it's probably gonna be a lot harder for him to find someone else. And honestly, as upsetting as that would be, I want him to move on. He's so sweet, he doesn't deserve to have to put up with this. It's cliched, but I'll be happy knowing that he is. And right now, he isn't. He's probably more hurt than I am, and that just really tears me up. So yeah, I've been coping but I've been pretty down. So I was just wondering if anyone have had experiences like this before, and if it worked out. Any stories/advice/input will be greatly appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 About 3 weeks ago my ex and I broke up. We had been dating for almost 8 months. It was a mutual break up. We had a few problems, that we had identified a few months ago and were trying to fix, but couldn't. And by the end we wold have the same damn conversation about our future every couple of weeks and it just became too tiring. Also, in terms of future we didn't see eye to eye either (I want kids, he doesn't even want to live together with anyone and no kids at all), so it ended up making sense and we decided to still be friends. It was tough. The first couple of days were horrible, specially getting my stuff from his place. But after I kinda felt ok. We talk or text or IM very regularly (sometimes everyday) and have met up a couple of times. The meeting up is a bit tricky though.. We still care deeply for each other and the attraction is very much there. So we ended up sleeping together, which was not a good idea. For me, it made me miss him more. And we both know we're never gonna work, so neither of us wants the other back. Sure, sometimes, if I'm missing him more, for some reason, I end up fantasising about a magical solution for our problems that would allow us to get back together... But the cold truth is there isn't one, so I need to move on. I guess my story isn't a success yet, as we've only been boken up for 3 weeks, but I think it has all the makings of one! My secret is to be surrounded by friends as much as possible! That way I don't miss the fact that I'm not with him or that we haven't talked in x days. But if you know it wouldn't work between you, don't go back there. It will just hurt you and him more in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
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