Judged due to minimum dating history.

[ASG]

Porn objectifes women.

 

LAME! So? If even WOMEN watch porn, I think it's safe to say noone would think less of you if you did!

I started watching porn at 13! Not the biggest fan, lots of things actually turn me off (facials?? seriously? WTF?!), but every now and then I get my porn ON!

[Ross MwcFan]

I think he's taking the piss.

 

Anyone who didn't know what a woman looked like naked, would definatley take a look at a pic online or something for at least a few seconds so they would know, even if they did think porn objectifies women.

[Ross MwcFan]

Maybe someone here could draw him a picture and email it to him. That way no woman is getting objectified.

[Ross MwcFan]

I've seen some naked pics. I don't look that often.

 

Right then. So you know what a pussy looks like.

 

In several posts you've been saying that you don't.

[ASG]

What will watching porn do for me? Is typical sex like porn?

 

You're right. It won't do a thing. And sure, typical sex is like porn. Or not. Depends on what you want to do really.

 

I was trying to be helpful, but yo don't want help and I'm now doubting that you're anything more than a troll that decided to come here to get a few laughs.

 

So I hope you have had your fun and will now move on and stop boring us with your "woe is me" routine.

[krz12]

What did he do? I don't understand how it could be that bad unless he did one of the following.

 

A) Exploded in his boxers when you took your top off.

B) Took a dump on your chest while trying to please you?

 

I don't know, honestly this seems like something that could of been averted/fixed with a little guidance. Thats obviously to much work though.

 

Sounds like Levitra is the answer.

[Red Arremer]

If I was worth a billion and looked like a male model it wouldn't be enough either.

 

With your attitude, probably not. There probably are at least a few women who might give you the time of day where you are, but you've got sour grapes going on so bad you've blinded yourself with this wall of bitterness you've put up.

 

Please, get help. For your own sake and the sake of everyone around you. Because if you don't I picture you as that bitter guy that shot up a gym a few years ago and that scares the **** out of me.

[Ruby Slippers]

What kills any sympathy I might have for late bloomer guys is that 95% of them are not interested in dating a woman who has no relationship/dating/sex experience, because they argue that "something must be wrong with her". And they never see the irony, arguing that it's sooooo easy for a woman to find someone.

 

Are you overweight, socially awkward, and inexperienced? Then try dating someone who's also overweight, socially awkward, and inexperienced.

 

But no -- somehow, this is just unthinkable.

[fishtaco]

Stop labeling me. I don't even own a gun and I live in ****ing Texas. But I have sour grapes since none of them want to date a 39 year old without experience.

 

So go out and get experience. Like I said, practice girls.

 

There are very few saints amongst the population. And it's easy to play armchair quarter back on an internet forum saying... I do this and I don't do that. But when placed in an actual situation, very few people can actually stick to the high road they claim they're on. They just do whatever they want then make excuses for it. Human nature.

 

I own my questionable morals. I say, do whatever is practical, whatever helps you. Then when placed in the actual situation, I always have the option to listen to the angel on my right shoulder, or the devil on my left shoulder. It's my decision. But I reserve the right to be a douche, and I'll admit I'm being a douche. Because that's what makes one competitive.

 

Why are there rules? Because breaking the rules could give you an unfair advantage. So since there are no referees, go get whatever unfair advantage you can get. You only have your own conscience to answer to.

 

But I'll tell you one thing that is guaranteed to not work. Bitch at women telling them they should be a certain way that benefits you.

[ASG]

So go out and get experience. Like I said, practice girls.

 

There are very few saints amongst the population. And it's easy to play armchair quarter back on an internet forum saying... I do this and I don't do that. But when placed in an actual situation, very few people can actually stick to the high road they claim they're on. They just do whatever they want then make excuses for it. Human nature.

 

I own my questionable morals. I say, do whatever is practical, whatever helps you. Then when placed in the actual situation, I always have the option to listen to the angel on my right shoulder, or the devil on my left shoulder. It's my decision. But I reserve the right to be a douche, and I'll admit I'm being a douche. Because that's what makes one competitive.

 

Why are there rules? Because breaking the rules could give you an unfair advantage. So since there are no referees, go get whatever unfair advantage you can get. You only have your own conscience to answer to.

 

But I'll tell you one thing that is guaranteed to not work. Bitch at women telling them they should be a certain way that benefits you.

 

 

This!

 

I agree with yor post so much it's not even funny!

[Tayla]

I respect the difference of "opinions" but when persons such as ASG go on rants and tear down another OP,then its time to speak up and clear the air.

No good comes from speaking from an authority stance rather then a mutual adult giving healthy advisal.

 

I am a lady and my post, various pages back, was non attacking and factual to the the matter. Unfortunately I have seen this turn into a "gender" battle where people take "parts" of a statement and blow it out of proportion from the entire content.

 

To the OP- Sincerely, ease up on yourself and take some steps to become social with ladies, Gain small steps of confidence in your approach. If you are awkward at first, so be it, no one walks a tight rope the first time without losing some balance skills. I just hope that you give yourself the opportunity to date and be charmed to learn that not all women are "judging" . Some really may find you intrigueing and delightfull. We all have the right to shine, no matter the age. Best to you.

[fortyninethousand322]

How could anyone have relationship experience AT BIRTH?

 

The way I look at it, I'm simply looking for someone with experiences that mesh with mine. Someone who'd struggled with dating so much for at least a DECADE that they had never had a significant LTR and/or someone who's chosen to put other goals first and/or play around so that they've never had a significant LTR in that time would not be compatible, experience-wise or values-wise (or potentially both) with me. We don't mesh.

 

You have, from tigressA, seen that not all gals think this way, and certainly I'd never claim no woman should date a guy just because I wouldn't (That's pretty silly). I think whether or not you take that approach depends on how it works for you. For me, I guess I'm one who matured quickly. I graduated high school at 16, college at 20, and every part of my life has been about progress. I'm also someone who values relationships. I will make time for them, compromise for them, heck even move for them if it gives me the potential for better relationships (and also makes me happier overall---not as a sacrifice to my general happiness). So, of course, I've been in quite a few relationships and have been in relationships more often than out of them over the past decade (even counting almost 2 years when I didn't date because I was mourning my HS sweetheart) because to me forming attachments to other people is normal, natural, and easy.

 

If it is not a priority for someone or not easy for someone (and I know many men who are like me and have similar relationship experiences, so this is not a great gender divide), he would have a very different viewpoint than I and not be terribly compatible with me or what I'm looking for.

 

The "at birth" part was in regards to the ability to get dates be good with women etc. not experience, perhaps the wording should have been better.

 

Look, I completely understand if you personally (and maybe a few other people worldwide) felt that way about inexperienced men. You have every right to and I don't think anyone should try to convince you otherwise. It's a preference and you're entitled to it. Perhaps I took umbrage at your comments because at their heart there is some truth to what you say (as much as I don't like it). There's a good chance that I might do horribly with the first few people I seriously date, but I'd like the chance to find out. The idea that I'm so far behind it's not even worth it to try to catch up is a little demoralizing, which is why I reject it.

 

Again, I completely get what you're saying. But I hope your view is in the severe minority.

[fortyninethousand322]

What kills any sympathy I might have for late bloomer guys is that 95% of them are not interested in dating a woman who has no relationship/dating/sex experience, because they argue that "something must be wrong with her". And they never see the irony, arguing that it's sooooo easy for a woman to find someone.

 

Are you overweight, socially awkward, and inexperienced? Then try dating someone who's also overweight, socially awkward, and inexperienced.

 

But no -- somehow, this is just unthinkable.

 

I'd date someone who had never dated before. But I'm not overweight, and not socially awkward (for the most part), just inexperienced. So, if I met a girl who was in shape (like me) and not socially awkward (also like me) but was inexperienced I'd definitely give her a chance.

[zengirl]

fourtyninethousand322, I understand being bummed when you hear things that make you think the decks are stacked against you. Definitely, I do. I certainly wish everyone who is seeking a sincere relationship the best of luck in finding a compatible partner.

 

So go out and get experience. Like I said, practice girls.

 

There are very few saints amongst the population. And it's easy to play armchair quarter back on an internet forum saying... I do this and I don't do that. But when placed in an actual situation, very few people can actually stick to the high road they claim they're on. They just do whatever they want then make excuses for it. Human nature.

 

I own my questionable morals. I say, do whatever is practical, whatever helps you. Then when placed in the actual situation, I always have the option to listen to the angel on my right shoulder, or the devil on my left shoulder. It's my decision. But I reserve the right to be a douche, and I'll admit I'm being a douche. Because that's what makes one competitive.

 

Why are there rules? Because breaking the rules could give you an unfair advantage. So since there are no referees, go get whatever unfair advantage you can get. You only have your own conscience to answer to.

 

But I'll tell you one thing that is guaranteed to not work. Bitch at women telling them they should be a certain way that benefits you.

 

There is some good truth to what fishtaco says (and as he noted, he and I don't see eye to eye on much!). I will say, I don't think you have to see it as some sort of either/or: morally pure or reprehensible. I think going on dates for "practice" is pretty much no different than going on dates "just to see" which is why MOST people go on dates. Nobody knows what will come of a date. Obviously, dating someone who repulses you won't be good for practice or just to see or anything (or at least I don't see how it would -- to each their own). But no one says you have to be 100% about someone to go on a date with them, so long as you're honest with yourself and others each step of the way. Don't profess more seriousness than you plan to act on, unless you want both the dramatic consequences and the ding to your conscience.

 

A "practice relationship" sounds draining as hell to me, so I'm not sure if he's advocating that (why would anyone want to expend the energy? it would in no way mimic a relationship enough to build the skills anyway, as they come from really being challenged and feeling deeply emotional for another person). But dating just to figure out how this dating thing goes. . . isn't that what everyone did? I mean, I happened to be in love with my first date before ever dating him, but that's because he was the boy next door. I think that's a rarity.

[sweetjasmine]

There's a good chance that I might do horribly with the first few people I seriously date, but I'd like the chance to find out.

 

Yes, there is a good chance that will happen, but when you think about it, just about everyone's first relationship is a mess of some sort at some point, regardless of whether they're 15, 25, or 35. It's not a big deal: how to create and maintain a healthy relationship with a compatible person is something you learn by making mistakes along the way. Some people get lucky and only make a small number of mistakes before they figure things out. Others aren't so lucky and spend most of their lives working at it.

 

This is why I agree with zengirl's view for the most part. I don't have a ton of experience, but I've been through enough to figure out what I want and to know how to nurture a healthy relationship with someone who's good for me. If my partner and I split up, I would hesitate to date someone who's trying out relationships for the first time because I'm at a point in my life where I want to be with someone who's on the same page and ready to take big steps forward. I don't believe a man who has never dated before would be ready to dive into something like that, so we likely wouldn't be compatible.

 

It's not that having little or no experience is inherently horrible. For me, it's a matter of not being on the same page. I would feel the same way about a recent divorcé or a man who was 15 years my senior or a guy who was a college freshman.

 

The idea that I'm so far behind it's not even worth it to try to catch up is a little demoralizing, which is why I reject it.

 

In my experience, late bloomers catch up fairly quickly.

[fortyninethousand322]

Yes, there is a good chance that will happen, but when you think about it, just about everyone's first relationship is a mess of some sort at some point, regardless of whether they're 15, 25, or 35. It's not a big deal: how to create and maintain a healthy relationship with a compatible person is something you learn by making mistakes along the way. Some people get lucky and only make a small number of mistakes before they figure things out. Others aren't so lucky and spend most of their lives working at it.

 

This is why I agree with zengirl's view for the most part. I don't have a ton of experience, but I've been through enough to figure out what I want and to know how to nurture a healthy relationship with someone who's good for me. If my partner and I split up, I would hesitate to date someone who's trying out relationships for the first time because I'm at a point in my life where I want to be with someone who's on the same page and ready to take big steps forward. I don't believe a man who has never dated before would be ready to dive into something like that, so we likely wouldn't be compatible.

 

It's not that having little or no experience is inherently horrible. For me, it's a matter of not being on the same page. I would feel the same way about a recent divorcé or a man who was 15 years my senior or a guy who was a college freshman.

 

 

 

In my experience, late bloomers catch up fairly quickly.

 

I feel like it's a huge conundrum sometimes too. I've had people on this board tell me to shoot for older girls (presumably because they'd be looking for relationships) and others tell me that maybe I should shoot for younger girls who would have no problem with my inexperience. Complicate this with the fact that I'm going to spend the next year living with my parents in the suburbs (the outer suburbs) while I look for work and save money to get my own place. I just have no idea where to concentrate my efforts in regards to dating. I'm trying online dating but so far it has resulted in two dates with the same girl (who then went incognito).

 

The last couple of weeks I have been extremely down about the fact that I'm graduating college and have never so much as kissed a girl, once I'm done with school meeting girls will be that much harder. And then I read a thread like this and things just went over the edge so to speak.

[TokyoG33kyGal]

i have dated an inexperienced guy and some guys who have had only a few relationships. these guys really have potential but not a lot of girls see them as dating material.

 

the situation i had with the inexperienced guy, once girls found out that we were dating, they chased him like never before. then he began to see that he didn't need to settle with me and started exploring his options.

 

my fiancé also was b*tching about not getting dates before prior to dating me, but i find it so not true. once we began dating, girls again started to notice my guy. i tease him that he was probably picky and oblivious when girls are hitting on him. i actually witnessed how he got hit on by a girl (by a married girl) while i was with him lol and he was telling me what happened when we got in the car and i told him that the girl was totally flirting and he didn't notice it

 

btw, these guys i dated, and also my fiancé need some extra work because at some point i felt like i was the man in the relationship and i had to pursue them.

 

I don't even want to think about how many missed opportunities I've had over the last 5-7 years because I was too dense to realize a girl was into me, or too stupid to go over and talk to some girl who was checking me out, or made up some excuse as to why I shouldn't call some girl (thinking she wasn't interested). As those opportunities have dried up the past year and half or two years or so you get to wondering whether those opportunities exist anymore. And then I read threads like this.

 

So I hear what you're saying, and it makes sense, it just validates all of my own self doubts. Maybe it's just a confidence thing. Clearly mine is not where it needs to be.

 

perhaps you really missed opportunities. just continue dating and if a girl approaches you, be friendly and start seeing everyone as dating potential.

[fortyninethousand322]

i have dated an inexperienced guy and some guys who have had only a few relationships. these guys really have potential but not a lot of girls see them as dating material.

 

the situation i had with the inexperienced guy, once girls found out that we were dating, they chased him like never before. then he began to see that he didn't need to settle with me and started exploring his options.

 

my fiancé also was b*tching about not getting dates before prior to dating me, but i find it so not true. once we began dating, girls again started to notice my guy. i tease him that he was probably picky and oblivious when girls are hitting on him. i actually witnessed how he got hit on by a girl (by a married girl) while i was with him lol and he was telling me what happened when we got in the car and i told him that the girl was totally flirting and he didn't notice it

 

btw, these guys i dated, and also my fiancé need some extra work because at some point i felt like i was the man in the relationship and i had to pursue them.

 

 

 

perhaps you really missed opportunities. just continue dating and if a girl approaches you, be friendly and start seeing everyone as dating potential.

 

This is actually pretty spot on. I often am very oblivious to signs women give me, or I recognize them after the fact.

 

If you don't mind me asking, why is it that it was only when he was dating you that women began to be interested in him? Is it simply a psychological thing?

[Red Arremer]

This is actually pretty spot on. I often am very oblivious to signs women give me, or I recognize them after the fact.

 

If you don't mind me asking, why is it that it was only when he was dating you that women began to be interested in him? Is it simply a psychological thing?

It kind of sounds like women were interested in him all along and he just never noticed, but I could be misinterpreting.

 

That's sort of another problem I have too actually, I can never tell when a woman is interested vs. when she's just being friendly with me. I imagine if I was better at picking up signals I'd be far more experienced than I am now.

[krz12]

I feel like it's a huge conundrum sometimes too. I've had people on this board tell me to shoot for older girls (presumably because they'd be looking for relationships) and others tell me that maybe I should shoot for younger girls who would have no problem with my inexperience. Complicate this with the fact that I'm going to spend the next year living with my parents in the suburbs (the outer suburbs) while I look for work and save money to get my own place. I just have no idea where to concentrate my efforts in regards to dating. I'm trying online dating but so far it has resulted in two dates with the same girl (who then went incognito).

 

The last couple of weeks I have been extremely down about the fact that I'm graduating college and have never so much as kissed a girl, once I'm done with school meeting girls will be that much harder. And then I read a thread like this and things just went over the edge so to speak.

 

Consider taking a grad school class? Not because you care about grad school, but just to run into people your own age.

[fortyninethousand322]

Consider taking a grad school class? Not because you care about grad school, but just to run into people your own age.

 

Well I'm definitely going to grad school, but not right off the bat. I'm way too burned out right now. I need to take a break from school for the time being. It's a good suggestion though, I'll keep it in mind.

[TokyoG33kyGal]

This is actually pretty spot on. I often am very oblivious to signs women give me, or I recognize them after the fact.

 

If you don't mind me asking, why is it that it was only when he was dating you that women began to be interested in him? Is it simply a psychological thing?

 

well my ex was different because girls never really noticed him before. my fiance though have girls all over him but he doesn't notice them because he's not interested.

 

i think a female friend is handy in this situation lol...cuz it makes you look like a ladies' man.

 

anyway, i do not get that also from females (though i am a girl) but there has been a research on that like a male becomes more desirable as a partner when he is attached or had many relationships. it is like an animal instinct i guess.

[Richard Friedman]

This is why you step around these kinds of questions. How many people have you dated, slept with etc. is none of her business. You've just met so why does she have any right to information about your past? Maintain an air of mystery dammit. And fyi inexperience IS a turnoff. Women want men who other women want, so even a failed relationship is better than none. It shows some woman wanted you at some point. Ideally you'd want to show you've had relationships with beautiful women(not directly of course), but if you can't then sidestep. You have to play the game in order to win.

[Richard Friedman]

Lol this thread is just packed with chumps grasping at straws as they're being weeded out of the gene pool. Some of the bs rationalizations are just painful to read. Being a perma-virgin does NOT make you more pure or more selective. Being bad at sex is not going to somehow endear you to "quality women." And say what you must but not drinking IS going to severely restrict your dating pool. Almost every girl I know(all social and educated people) at least drinks socially. Not drinking just reflects a life philosophy that clashes with those of typical, funloving people, believe it or not. you've gotta at least recognize the problem in order to address it, instead of engaging in a mutual masturbation/validation session with other men who're unsuccessful with women.When women are for once honest with their expectations(hats off to AS zengirl stargazer) the men get butthurt and start mudslinging. Just pathetic.

[Ross MwcFan]

I can totally understand the moaning about not being able to get a woman.

 

But as for everything else, I've gotta agree with RF. I had been thinking the same thing as I was reading through this topic.

Edited April 26, 2011 by Ross MwcFan