Author irc333 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 LOL...sex is like a pizza, even though it's bad, it's still kinda good. LOL No. That's where you're wrong. First time doesn't have to suck. It doesn't most of the time. It's also NOT earth shattering. It's kinda funny that you, with your crappy "stealth past" bul**** are telling me that I lack maturity! LOL! I know enough abot sex. I've had enough to know what works, what doesn't, what's good, what's bad, what hurts and what's just plain disturbing. I also know enough not to expect fireworks on first time sex with someone new. But if it's not at least good - and by good I mean slightly above average - there's mostly no point. In my experience, when I went back after a "meh" first time... I got a bigger "MEH" second time. And there was no third.
Hules Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Because it is. There's no explanation for it. I just don't want to train someone in what to do with their fingers or tongue! Cause... I want someone who has at least *some* experience. I haven't had a lot of serious relationships, because for me, a serious relationship is exactly that and I don't fall in love easily, so I've had some, but they won't take up a whole hand. But I've dated a lot and pre requisite to even considering taking a relationship to any kind of level past casual dating is sex. If the sex isn't at least good the first time, there's no chance if anything past that. I don't believe in waiting to know if "we're ment to be" and I also don't believe in "potty training" when it comes to sex. You either know what you're doing or you don't. You know have to know what makes *me* tick, but you need to have a clue of what's going on. If you don't, then I'm not interested. Weak answer. There is a explanation for this its been a selfish, lazy, lover. Each to their own, I've been with girls who have never been with a guy and I had no problem with "training" them, guess what takes minimal effort. I actually liked them more because at least I knew they weren't sleeping around with anything that moved and had a pulse.
Cracker Jack Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Inexperienced guys, please don't take this topic (or rather, some of the responses in it) too seriously. I have minimum experience as well, but you can't allow it to make you consider throwing in the towel. Some people simply just don't start out as early as others in this dating/relationship ride. Besides, it's usually pretty easy to read a few responses on controversial topics here at LS and get down on yourself about things. Not worth the hassle, honestly.
ASG Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Sorry, the "There is no explanation for it" doesn't cut it. Besides, I thought people requests what it was to be done to them anyhow, experienced or not. I think with a new person, there's a certain re-training that would be done to accomodate your new lover. It's a shame people don't like making an effort these days, even in the slightest. I mean how hard can it be to "train" someone? Oh, don't get me wrong. There's re-training, and I'm fine with that. What I'm not fine with is pointers telling them WHAT TO DO! With a new person there always has to be some nudging. Not everyone likes the same things, so you need to let your new partner know how you like things done. BUT. I draw the line at the anatomy lesson. If I have to tell them what's what and what to do with it, then clearly they need to find someone else, cause I'm not gonna do it.
OliveOyl Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I wouldn't worry about lack of experience. Good news: There are many different kinds of people in the world!! Yes there are plenty of women who have no issue with someone lacking experience in dating. Some of these might be women who lack experience in dating themselves. People worry about whether they are the right race, right height, right age, right experience, right attractiveness level. These are all things you can't change, so no use in worrying about it. But even better, it doesn't matter, there ARE people out there who will okay with whatever "issue" you are worried about having. I posted something to LS about whether I was considered "dateable" being separated but not yet divorced. I got a lot of "no way, absolutely not, wouldn't touch with a 10-ft pole" responses. Well it may have deterred a lot of guys from responding to me but I did get one guy reaching out who's also separated too, and we seem to have a really good connection so far. I'm GLAD he's in the same position because we understand each other's unique challenges. Yes, some will judge, but personally -- I just don't see lack of dating experience as being a deal killer. At All. Really. There are women who will consider this a DESIRABLE trait.
ASG Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 LOL...sex is like a pizza, even though it's bad, it's still kinda good. No, that's whee you're wrong. Bad sex is just BAD sex.
Author irc333 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 It's really not that hard for even a not so experienced guy to figure it out. WHat could be so hard about it (that's what she said). LOL. Oh, don't get me wrong. There's re-training, and I'm fine with that. What I'm not fine with is pointers telling them WHAT TO DO! With a new person there always has to be some nudging. Not everyone likes the same things, so you need to let your new partner know how you like things done. BUT. I draw the line at the anatomy lesson. If I have to tell them what's what and what to do with it, then clearly they need to find someone else, cause I'm not gonna do it.
Hules Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Yep to the guys in this thread don't worry about certain responces from ladies on their high horses, no shame in been a virgin or lack of experience. They can try and hold it above you, but at the end of the day they only have more experience in something goats and pigs do as well.
ASG Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Inexperienced guys, please don't take this topic (or rather, some of the responses in it) too seriously. I have minimum experience as well, but you can't allow it to make you consider throwing in the towel. Some people simply just don't start out as early as others in this dating/relationship ride. Besides, it's usually pretty easy to read a few responses on controversial topics here at LS and get down on yourself about things. Not worth the hassle, honestly. Obviously!! I'm not saying there's no hope, at all! There's all kinds of people who like all kinds of things and if you notice one of my earlier posts, it was the happy story of a couple of friends that met in their mid to late twenties, and he was a completely inexperienced (she wasn't) and they started dating, got married and have a kid! Not everyone feels the same way about the same things. Which is a good thing. If we all liked blue, what would be of yellow?
ASG Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 It's really not that hard for even a not so experienced guy to figure it out. WHat could be so hard about it (that's what she said). LOL. I thought so too! But you'd be surprised.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 As long as you're not sitting on your throne head resting in palm looking down on your suitors like they're some kind of Jester, you'll be alright.
Cracker Jack Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I understand that, ASG. My response was mainly a general one, and not directed towards you or anyone in particular. Sorry if it came off that way. Based on my experience here, a few women voicing their opinion about things usually gets overblown into doomsday like fear--as if everyone (outside and inside of this forum) shares that same opinion. I'm ashamed to admit I used to feel this way about those dozen height topics, tho those 20/20 reports and millions of scientific research agrees with the despair:laugh:
Author irc333 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 I thought so too! But you'd be surprised. Hey, some guys are smart enought out to figure out the belly button from the other place.
ASG Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 ASG: sex gets better as a relatiship grows. have you been in a relationship or is it just caual sex? When you have an ounce or care for your partner you both try. Best sex is when both try. By far. most sex aint above average the first time. ROFLMAO I agree. Best sex is in a relationship, by far. Not only cause you're both trying, but because there's also feeling involved and they help the whole experience. I think it averages at about 50/50 with the first time sex (the good and the not so good). But also, even if it's not the greatest thing, it needs to leave you wanting to find out if it can improve. Sometimes bad first time sex doesn't leave you wanting anything appart from leaving!
ASG Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Hey, some guys are smart enought out to figure out the belly button from the other place. Then you'll be ok, I think!
Darren Taylor Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I'm trying to figure out why is this a problem with you? Seriously, why? Because it is. There's no explanation for it. I just don't want to train someone in what to do with their fingers or tongue! That's not an acceptable answer. If you can't explain and rationalize your thoughts, you lose credibility.
veggirl Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I would be fine w/ a man who has little relationship experience I don't think relationship experience is a requirement at all! I mean, no messy baggage with exes! That sounds nice. I don't think a guy not having been in any serious long term relationships is a red flag or anything. I would be surprised by it (I'm late 20s) but I don't think I'd care. A guy my age w/ little sexual experience, though, would be a problem. That is only because I'd worry once they finally get some w/ me, they will want to know what it's like w/ others. I wouldn't like that. This is just from my personal past, where I lost my virginity to a long term boyfriend and was always wondering what it'd be like w/ someone else
Hules Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I agree. Best sex is in a relationship, by far. Not only cause you're both trying, but because there's also feeling involved and they help the whole experience. I think it averages at about 50/50 with the first time sex (the good and the not so good). But also, even if it's not the greatest thing, it needs to leave you wanting to find out if it can improve. Sometimes bad first time sex doesn't leave you wanting anything appart from leaving! What did he do? I don't understand how it could be that bad unless he did one of the following. A) Exploded in his boxers when you took your top off. B) Took a dump on your chest while trying to please you? I don't know, honestly this seems like something that could of been averted/fixed with a little guidance. Thats obviously to much work though.
Darren Taylor Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I bet if the OP had slept with 100 women, females such as the ones in this thread would have no problem sleeping with him and/or trying to get into a relationship with him.
welikeincrowds Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 The key word to this thread is "judged". Otherwise, nothing in this thread is particularly controversial. "I've had experience in relationships and I want someone who is equally experienced." Being in a relationship is a learned skill like any other. If you were an experienced bassist, would you want to waste your time with some ******* who stopped by Guitar Center last week? Similarly, it's just a preference, like any other. "I want to be with someone who likes to travel." Right? Well, not quite. I'm reminded of the "Lesbian dressed up as a man" thread. On dates with men I felt physically appraised in a way that I never did by women, and, while this made me more sympathetic to the suspicions women were bringing to their dates with Ned, it had the opposite effect, too. Somehow men's seeming imposition of a superficial standard of beauty felt less intrusive, less harsh, than the character appraisals of women.It's a little bit different to say something trivial like "I only like people who have blonde hair" versus "I only like people who have had successful relationships." One of them is much more fundamental an evaluation of who you are, regardless of whether it's informative. I disliked women irrationallyfor a while because of it. I disliked their superiority, their accusatory smiles, their entitlement to choose or dash me with a fingertip, an execution so lazy, so effortless, it made the defeats and even the successes unbearably humiliating. For dudes worrying right now (e.g. fortyninethousand322), don't let this thread get to you. These are just the stated preferences of some people that have nothing to do with you. They're operating how they want to for themselves and they are happier for it. As a reminder, do the same for yourself, and you'll be happier for it.
ASG Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 ASG: you said if it wasn't above average that's it Yeah, and about 90% of the time, it is. Again, as I've said, I've been known to go back on bad sex... only to have even worse sex, the second time. Those guys made me curious, for some reason. But that being said, even with the *slightly* above average sex, which is not the greatest thing, as you'll know, it needs to make you at least curious enough to explore more. Sometimes it's happened that even though it didn't suck and was actually enjoyable, I am just not interested in more, for some reason - I may not be as attracted as I thought I was, they may have some habit that annoys me, etc.
somedude81 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 While the sentiment behind it is real, the word "training" was a bit tongue-in-cheek. My point is that rarely does someone know how to be a good partner in their first relationship, and I've had several very serious relationships (lived together with one, talked about potential marriage with a few others, was engaged to my HS sweetheart) so I'm not interested in that disparity. There are things you just "learn" by having serious relationships and that I find lacking in those who've never had them. They don't get it, and I don't want to be the one who explains it at this stage in the game. I put work into relationships, but I wouldn't buy a fixer-upper car either. I'd rather have it in working order when I buy it. This is just a metaphor; I don't think people are cars, obviously. I've never met a guy who magically just HAD great relationship skills. They're learned, through having relationships. At 26, my dating range is about 24-33. And the truth is. . . Any guy in that range who's never had a serious relationship hasn't had one because he was deficient in that area, for the most part. Either he's chosen to play around (unattractive) or he's had trouble relating to women and attracting them (unattractive) or he's had trouble establishing a long-lasting connection (unattractive) or he didn't value relationships enough to make time for them in his life (unattractive). I'm sure there is a weird exception out there (like someone who was in a coma for 6 years or something) but I don't cater to exceptions when forming general value judgments. An excellent post explaining why I don't even bother going after women my own age (29). The problem is that as one gets older, the chances of dating a younger inexperienced girl also go down. Which leads me to believe that there must be a point where one just decides to give up. And the definition of give up is different to each man.
ASG Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 What did he do? I don't understand how it could be that bad unless he did one of the following. A) Exploded in his boxers when you took your top off. B) Took a dump on your chest while trying to please you? I don't know, honestly this seems like something that could of been averted/fixed with a little guidance. Thats obviously to much work though. Nah. I wasn't too into it in the first place (not because of him, but because of the setting and the circumstances), so a rookie mistake, like not knowing where my lady parts are located kinda killed any chance of us getting lucky that day. The thing is, not everyone will get guidance. With that particular guy, I was having fun, but didn't want to teach him. I am entitled to my opinion and way of life. Who I choose to "train" or not is completely up to me and if I don't want to make the effort, that is also MY problem. How I judge who's worth it or who's not is not a rational decision, so again, is completely up to me! I do however happily guide a few "lucky" people, who I deem worthy, for some reason! Maybe they smell nicer! There's plenty of fish in the sea, as the same one I don't think I'd want to date the OP or some other posters in this thread, I don't think they'd want to date me either! But I'm sure some women would and will! So all is good.
veggirl Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 yeesh. my friends who lost it later weren't like this. another myth. theyre men though. Myth cause it is not true in YOUR experience? or fact cause it is true in MY experience? see how that works? I was explaining why I, personally, would have a bit of a hang up on that particular topic. I wasn't claiming it applies in all situations. We are all influenced by what we see around us, and what we experience. That was my experience.
Thedude22 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Haha if a girl judged me negatively because I had never been married before, yet she had I would laugh at her hysterically. Being divorced is a huge scarlett letter on your dating resume, it's like having a DUI when applying for jobs. Someone shouldn't even be asking about your dating history within the first 3 dates, and if she does, just say "I've had a few girlfriends" and leave it at that. I haven't had too many girlfriends because I'm picky, I won't take some ugo as a significant other to build up my dating credentials just like I won't work at Mcdonald's to build up my work experience.
Recommended Posts