fortyninethousand322 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 49322: do not. do not reveal this info. Don't worry, I figured that out years ago.
chuckles11 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 So essentially what I get from the gist of this thread is that you better start dating by the time you're done with college or you're screwed. Actually, at your age, I doubt many women are going to be asking you a lot of questions about your relationship history unless you act extremely awkwardly on the date. I agree with Vitamin E though, don't tell women that you've never been in a relationship before.
Star Gazer Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I've never dated an inexperienced man, and I know this to be an absolute FACT, and I doubt I will ever encounter an inexperienced man I'd ever want to date to begin with, so he wouldn't have to lie. That said, if he lies about it, I could care less... If a guy is my age and has never had a serious relationship, there's something(s) about him that wouldn't make him compatible with me. I might not find out on the first date, but it sure as sh*t won't take long to figure it out!
zengirl Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 zengirl: how would you know if its zero or a hundred when he doesn't tell you? answer: you wouldn't because wise men don't reveal. You know, I think it'd be a difficult thing to hide if you had friends you introduced people you date to and/or had a FB, both of which all the people I meet seem to have in this day and age. Within a few weeks of dating, I've always (well recent dating experiences at least) spoken to someone about their dating history and perspectives to a degree. People pull their dating perspectives FROM history, so if a guy has never had a relationship, you can totally tell; he has nothing to reflect on. But I find it's better --- if you're serious about your relationships --- to start off with a framework for what each person is looking for/what stage of life they're in/what they learned from their other relationships. This also helps you see if they're still hung up on an ex (The great question for that is, "Why did you break up?" Anyone who says, "I don't know" to that about their last relationship is probably not ready for another serious relationship or at least not reflective enough for me.) If I thought a date was lying to me about anything, I wouldn't go out with him, of course. I'm not that easily tricked, but I suppose someone could lie to me. I don't think there's any point in FOCUSING on such a rare and odd situation as though that makes the real situations moot.
Star Gazer Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 You know, I think it'd be a difficult thing to hide if you had friends you introduced people you date to and/or had a FB, both of which all the people I meet seem to have in this day and age. Within a few weeks of dating, I've always (well recent dating experiences at least) spoken to someone about their dating history and perspectives to a degree. People pull their dating perspectives FROM history, so if a guy has never had a relationship, you can totally tell; he has nothing to reflect on. But I find it's better --- if you're serious about your relationships --- to start off with a framework for what each person is looking for/what stage of life they're in/what they learned from their other relationships. This also helps you see if they're still hung up on an ex (The great question for that is, "Why did you break up?" Anyone who says, "I don't know" to that about their last relationship is probably not ready for another serious relationship or at least not reflective enough for me.) If I thought a date was lying to me about anything, I wouldn't go out with him, of course. I'm not that easily tricked, but I suppose someone could lie to me. I don't think there's any point in FOCUSING on such a rare and odd situation as though that makes the real situations moot. Seconded, yet again.
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Actually, at your age, I doubt many women are going to be asking you a lot of questions about your relationship history unless you act extremely awkwardly on the date. I agree with Vitamin E though, don't tell women that you've never been in a relationship before. Well I know they don't on a first date because I've never been asked about my dating history on a first date. The only real "awkwardness" I have is with physical contact. That I rarely initiate just from lack of familiarity with it.
zengirl Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Just an FYI -- I totally wouldn't ask about exes or past relationships on a 1st date either. Though I imagine, as Star Gazer says, those guys who are so inexperienced would not be compatible enough with me for them to get very far anyway.
Star Gazer Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Go on believing this "FACT". ROFLMAO. Are you telling me you know more about my ex-boyfriends' relationship history than I do? Puleeze. I was able to verify that they'd in fact been in previous serious relationships (always more than one), and how those relationships ended, and what they'd learned from those relationships.
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Just an FYI -- I totally wouldn't ask about exes or past relationships on a 1st date either. Though I imagine, as Star Gazer says, those guys who are so inexperienced would not be compatible enough with me for them to get very far anyway. What kind of people aren't experienced by their mid 20s? I've only ever heard of a) guys and b) highly religious girls. I'm not really interested in either of those two options. I absolutely believe that guys who are inexperienced have some kind of issues stemming from their lack of experience, but, I also want to believe that it's not hopeless. I want to believe that I can find a girl who thinks I'm a great catch who I also think is a great catch. I don't want to date someone just because we're the last two people standing when the music stops. So, am I just delusional? Should I really just suck it up and date people I'm not interested in or just give up entirely?
Star Gazer Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 What kind of people aren't experienced by their mid 20s? Guys I'd never want to date.
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Guys I'd never want to date. I think most women are this way. Wow. Now I feel like a complete failure. Probably because I am.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I think most women are this way. Wow. Now I feel like a complete failure. Probably because I am. Nonsense. Don't beat yourself up over what people say on these boards. :/ It's NOT that serious. Gladly enough, most women aren't that full of themselves.
SteveC80 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Guys with limited experience dont take what women on here say too seriously most of em here are messed up in the head, theyres a reason most of em go from relationship to relationship Star Gazer for example is a certified loon
chuckles11 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I think most women are this way. Wow. Now I feel like a complete failure. Probably because I am. StarGazer said earlier that she is 32 years old. I think you'll find that women in your dating age range are less likely to notice your lack of experience(though you probably won't be able to hide it completely). It wouldn't be impossible for you to find a 19 or 20 year old to date whose only had one or two boyfriends.
ASG Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 You wait a few weeks and throw him out if he doesn't have the right experience. serious? proof positive a man shouldn't tell. A man would have to be a chump to reveal his dating history. Yes. And you can "not tell" all you want, but if you've never had a girlfriend or been with a woman it will SHOW! Might not be apparent immediately, but it will. A few years ago I was dating a gy, a bit younger, very cute. I didn't ask any questions, we weren't serious (but I thought maybe we could be), but one day things got heated up and... He had no idea what he was doing. His sexual inexperience showed and at the time I wasn't in a place to want to "train" anyone, sexually or otherwise. So that was the end of our dating. I've never had a relationship with someone who had never had one before, so I don't have any anecdotes to share about me discovering they were inexperienced, but even if you do fake it well, your gf WILL eventually know the truth. She may care or she may not, but she will know.
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 StarGazer said earlier that she is 32 years old. I think you'll find that women in your dating age range are less likely to notice your lack of experience(though you probably won't be able to hide it completely). It wouldn't be impossible for you to find a 19 or 20 year old to date whose only had one or two boyfriends. Well zengirl said the same thing and she's 26. And I've heard similar things from other girls before (not directed at me but in general). I'll admit I was a little bit too pessimistic though (I'm an Orioles fan, I think pessimism is ingrained in me).
ASG Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Well zengirl said the same thing and she's 26. And I've heard similar things from other girls before (not directed at me but in general). I'll admit I was a little bit too pessimistic though (I'm an Orioles fan, I think pessimism is ingrained in me). Not all women have the same opinions though. A couple of friends of mine met when he was in his mid to late twenties (she's a bit younger) and he was COMPLETELY inexperienced (she wasn't) and they started dating, got married and have a kid. And seem very happy!
Author irc333 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 He had no idea what he was doing. His sexual inexperience showed and at the time I wasn't in a place to want to "train" anyone, sexually or otherwise. So that was the end of our dating. I'm trying to figure out why is this a problem with you? Seriously, why?
ASG Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Be honest. You dumped him because the sex sucked. You weren't in a place to train is a lie. There was no sex. The foreplay sucked! I could have directed him in what he should do, but didn't really want to, so yes, I dumped him because of his inexperience. That I didn't know about (he was very cute, and I'd heard about a previous gf - not in direct conversation with me though, be he's a close friend's brother - so I assumed he had some - or a lot! Turns out I was worng). Cause it SHOWED!
Hules Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Moral of this thread: Pot calling kettle black. Honestly this thread made me laugh. Some seriously narrow minded views in here. Each to their own though.
Hules Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 splitting hairs: The sexual experience sucked. You weren't trying. Seconded lazy.
ASG Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I'm trying to figure out why is this a problem with you? Seriously, why? Because it is. There's no explanation for it. I just don't want to train someone in what to do with their fingers or tongue! Cause... I want someone who has at least *some* experience. I haven't had a lot of serious relationships, because for me, a serious relationship is exactly that and I don't fall in love easily, so I've had some, but they won't take up a whole hand. But I've dated a lot and pre requisite to even considering taking a relationship to any kind of level past casual dating is sex. If the sex isn't at least good the first time, there's no chance if anything past that. I don't believe in waiting to know if "we're ment to be" and I also don't believe in "potty training" when it comes to sex. You either know what you're doing or you don't. You know have to know what makes *me* tick, but you need to have a clue of what's going on. If you don't, then I'm not interested.
ASG Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 splitting hairs: The sexual experience sucked. You weren't trying. No, I wasn't. I didn't say I was. We were dating casually. I thought maybe we could be serious. Maybe. Things sucked, I bailed. I don't try to make every single date into a relationship. Sometimes it's just a bit of fun. Sometimes things click and it turns into something more.
Author irc333 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 Sorry, the "There is no explanation for it" doesn't cut it. Besides, I thought people requests what it was to be done to them anyhow, experienced or not. I think with a new person, there's a certain re-training that would be done to accomodate your new lover. It's a shame people don't like making an effort these days, even in the slightest. I mean how hard can it be to "train" someone? Because it is. There's no explanation for it. I just don't want to train someone in what to do with their fingers or tongue! Cause... I want someone who has at least *some* experience. I haven't had a lot of serious relationships, because for me, a serious relationship is exactly that and I don't fall in love easily, so I've had some, but they won't take up a whole hand. But I've dated a lot and pre requisite to even considering taking a relationship to any kind of level past casual dating is sex. If the sex isn't at least good the first time, there's no chance if anything past that. I don't believe in waiting to know if "we're ment to be" and I also don't believe in "potty training" when it comes to sex. You either know what you're doing or you don't. You know have to know what makes *me* tick, but you need to have a clue of what's going on. If you don't, then I'm not interested.
ASG Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 good first time sex is where its at. there's no way you are out of your teens. maturity wise. you don't know a whole helluva lot about sex. it usually sucks the first time with a new person. duh. LOL No. That's where you're wrong. First time doesn't have to suck. It doesn't most of the time. It's also NOT earth shattering. It's kinda funny that you, with your crappy "stealth past" bul**** are telling me that I lack maturity! LOL! I know enough abot sex. I've had enough to know what works, what doesn't, what's good, what's bad, what hurts and what's just plain disturbing. I also know enough not to expect fireworks on first time sex with someone new. But if it's not at least good - and by good I mean slightly above average - there's mostly no point. In my experience, when I went back after a "meh" first time... I got a bigger "MEH" second time. And there was no third.
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