LadyD06 Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 been dating for 7 months.. and he says he cant get over me having a kid, he says he loves me but feels like i have a second relationship going on! which is not true me and my son's dad only talk about our son. idk what to do!!! he told me this a week ago but i brushed it off, and i finally came to my senses said i cant even chill with him if there's no future in us... but i'm balling my eyes out and he went on a drinking binge with some of his buddies- i know this cause we've been texting the whole weekend. and he asks if i went out i said no. why is he still worried if i go out if he doesnt want to be with me?? he claims he hates not being with me either! what the hell gives?? then he said in txt -how'd do you think i feel?? -i have the perfect woman for me but i cant have you. i cried and cried i just dont understand!!! then he keeps sayin he doesnt want me to hate him............ what does that mean?? how do i show him he's the one for me, or how do i deal with his decision?
sabienne Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 It sounds as if he isnt mature enough to handle the fact that you have an ex you have to remain in contact with, and that you have a child. He probably loves and cares for you but he isn't ready to step into the role of stepdad - and he doesn't want to play nice with another man who has slept with you (and the proof is playing about 2 feet away). I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but this is the way some people think. If he isn't ready to fulfill that responsibility, nothing you can say will force him otherwise. Deal with his decision by going nc - it's best for you and best for your little boy that you stay in control of things.
Author LadyD06 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 yeah i'm realizing that now that thats just the way he feels and thinks about the situation. but its just a roller coaster one day he's like theres no future, but still kisses me and holds me and the strange part is that he wants to meet my son and even after we sat down and talk about us not having a future together he still wants to be around me and said "well when i meet (myson's name).." its just so confusing and those little inuendos dont make it any easier to go NC
Tayla Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 From a person who has walked in your path, may I say with a stern tone, Get your relationship together with your child. That is your primary duty. Establishing a relation with another man at this stage in your childs life is neither fair to the child nor to yourself. Basically you tried to have your pie and eat it too, its not going to fair well that way. Let your child be the center of your life and those supporting you as friends be that rock to lean on. I cannot stress enough that guys will come ang go but your child is in your life (forever or not) contingent on how you establish things from the get go. I personally think 7/12 months after the original parent leaving is way to early for you to be putting yourself out there. Grow with your child and learn that life can eventaully carry another man , but now is not the time for this drama. Be confident in yourself and build a solid foundation. I sincerely wish you well in your parenting and life goals.
Author LadyD06 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 me and my son's father have been seperated for year and a half or so. that relationship was over before it was actually over but thats the past. but i agree i need to focus on my relationship with my son. its kind of disturbing when he text me and tells me how much he loves me and that i'm perfect, but he cant have me. i just dont understand how he still wants to be on good terms and hang out eventually etc.
PinkChic Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 From a person who has walked in your path, may I say with a stern tone, Get your relationship together with your child. That is your primary duty. Establishing a relation with another man at this stage in your childs life is neither fair to the child nor to yourself. Basically you tried to have your pie and eat it too, its not going to fair well that way. Let your child be the center of your life and those supporting you as friends be that rock to lean on. I cannot stress enough that guys will come ang go but your child is in your life (forever or not) contingent on how you establish things from the get go. I personally think 7/12 months after the original parent leaving is way to early for you to be putting yourself out there. Grow with your child and learn that life can eventaully carry another man , but now is not the time for this drama. Be confident in yourself and build a solid foundation. I sincerely wish you well in your parenting and life goals. I could not agree more. Your attention should be on your child. I'm not sure I could even look at a man that says to me he can't have a relationship with me because of my child. How DISRESPECTFUL.
Author LadyD06 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 it's not about my kid, its mainly that i still have a civil relationship with my son's father...idk maybe he's just insecure thanks for everyones input, and i do agree i need to focus on my relationship with my son.
TaraMaiden Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Whatever happens, do not respond to him any more. The only thing you need to tell him is to - "Grow up - my son shows more maturity than you do!" And refuse to get drawn in to his puerile, juvenile, infantile and immature drama. You really don't need this right now. He's an attention seeking, jealous little drama-jerk. You can do sooooo much better....!
Author LadyD06 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 Whatever happens, do not respond to him any more. The only thing you need to tell him is to - "Grow up - my son shows more maturity than you do!" And refuse to get drawn in to his puerile, juvenile, infantile and immature drama. You really don't need this right now. He's an attention seeking, jealous little drama-jerk. You can do sooooo much better....! i totally agree! if he wants me in his life then he has to grow up and deal with it or i'm moving on. Thanks TaraMaiden
b89 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 It sounds like hes obviously jealous of your childs father. Maybe if things work out, where possible include your partner in discussions with him, so he can see for himself that theres nothing romantic. Give yourself some space but dont be cold towards him, because from what youve said id say he definantly wants to be together.
b89 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 be rational, i dont think telling him he's immature will help anything, please for your own sake, if you really do still want to be together, dont give up, but tread carefully. You hit the nail on the head when you said hes insecure. Dont feed it or let him indulge in it, reassure him but stay firm, show him he's the only one for you, but dont let him stop you from doing what you need to with your sons father
Author LadyD06 Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 so i should give him his space for now. and maybe text or call him let's say Friday? i knw he wants to be with, he said so himself but his concern is his own ability to handle my son's father being there...he said he doesnt have all of me.
TaraMaiden Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 No. You need t let him get in touch with you. Only then, can you assess his mind, and see how best to approach things. By calling him, you don't know what he's going t be like - you might catch him at a good moment, in which case you might believe things are ok, and let your guard down. Or alternatively, you might catch him at a bad moment - and all hell might break loose. Let him contact you. Go cautiously - and see what approach he takes... Then you're better armed to assess whether he's reasonable and can be talked to - or whether he goes off on one again - and you can decide whether, really, you want to work that hard.....
Telaroca Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 I am going through the same thing but its the other way around..my boyfriend has a 2 year old kid..i am perfectly fine with him having a kid..i also accepted that his baby moms will always gonna be there no matter what..i have given him liberty coz i trust him.(he takes care of the baby while she is away at work then when his ex comes home,he takes off for work) Last feb,he broke things off because according to him he just wants to protect me,clear the water first.coz his exgf went ballistic when he found out he has a new gf.(they broke up last year but i guess she thought that he's gonna come back to her).. I am having a series of "meltdowns" and i feel that i am becoming jealous of his exgf because right now I dont know where i stand in his life.we havent really gotten back together and he already told me that he cant offer anything to me right now and that he is just focusing on his daughter..he's letting me decide and to think about it.. I think when jealousy starts kicking in sometimes a person just needs reassurance..that no matter what happens you will work it out.. Coming from me,dont contact him..let him come to you..he needs to think about things first clear his head...
Author LadyD06 Posted April 28, 2011 Author Posted April 28, 2011 yeah i guess i need to let him breathe. but i gave him no reason to be insecure. i messed up last night and went over there. i miss him so much and its strange he's the only one i've ever cried over not evn my sons father made me break down like this when we seperated. anyways me and the guy talked and its jusst the same thing he cant get over the fact that my son's father is gonna be around, but i dont even talk to him just text and my mom does the drop off/ and pick ups! so i dont see him at all. i even told him i'd stop textin him. he means nothing. when i left his house we had a long passionate, teary-eyed kiss.... and paused and i kissed hiim on the cheek and left! i threw my stuff in my car plopped down and i looked up and he was standing in the same spot with his had against the wall and i just drove off. what else is there for me to do but wait and maybe he'll come to his senses??? its so frustratin the whole wkend i sat and sulked, then i went over there and left and the crying my eyes out continued all over again. idk it just doesnt make sense to me how he could put both of us through this pain!! i know he's upset he told me he did the same thing this wkend just stayed in bed.... i'm ranting, lol i should stop. but let me know what i could do to get him back? or open his eyes to what he has, ME.
TaraMaiden Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Jeezuskerrist.... I really don't understand why people post for advice and then ignore it anyway. See where it gets you? Still you live and learn, huh? Will you listen now? My previous post still stands. Although now it's even more demonstrably clear that he's simply not mentally equipped to deal with the situation and as such, it won't work. You may love him, and I understand that, but clearly, you are not the best thing he could have, because you come with baggage he can't handle. So you're going to have to check this one out, and let it go. Unless he decides otherwise.
nana841121 Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 He is a coward who hurts you and can not endure the unavoidable hates from you.
Author LadyD06 Posted April 30, 2011 Author Posted April 30, 2011 :sick:WELL i F***ed up and it made me sick. it happens this NC is horrible, but today has been DAY 3 and its still unbearable not hearing frm him etc. but its do-able. and like what's been said my child comes first. and thats what i'm doing, if he wants to come to me then whatever, but from this point on i'm through trying to get him to open his eyes, maybe my absence will show him he wants me there if not, oh well. although my only other issue is that i left some of my belongings at his house, jewelry, bath items, sunglasses etc. Should i call in a few weeks and see if i can get my things?? OR are they a lost cause??
Fufu Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 Maybe you should make a choice. Stick on to NC to move on or Contact him and feel depressed again. Are those items very important to you? How about asking your friends to contact him and collect on your behalf? Just a suggestion.
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