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Posted

Last week my boyfriend was visited by his uncle and grandmother, on Friday I worked so we didn't talk, on Saturday we only talked very briefly and he wasn't paying much attention and then we were supposed to talk on Sunday, but we never did, because he was offline all day. I got really pissed cause I really miss him, so we had a huge fight on Monday, he threatened me that we are not a moving forward in our relationship and that if I continue like that he'll end up the relationship. Then he couldn't go to sleep like that, so he waited for me to come back from school and we had nice talks for the rest of days until Friday. His mother and a friend of hers are visiting him for Easter and so he was going to be very busy with them . . . so we didn't talk no Friday, nor on Saturday, not even today! No e-mails, no nothing. Now, I know for sure that his mom is visiting, cause I heard them talk, when she arrived and told him to go downstairs to help out her the luggage. So she is supposedly leaving tomorrow, so I will hopefully talk to him then. But I was missing him a lot today and was feeling left behind, it's a holiday after all, so I checked his e-mail. Imagine my disbelief! There are two e-mails from a Russian girl. In of them she tells him that she's in Moscow now getting used to the time change, ask to which e-mail she should write to him and she sends him kisses. Then he replayed, shortly explaining that he's going to be at school that they and then he'll be going on a trip with his mother ( this could explain, why he's not picking up his phone and might not have internet to talk to me), but then he ALSO sends her kisses. In her second e-mail, she reminds him of the name of a restaurant he must visit and then ends it with :* ( another kiss ). This is not something I expected, I don't know what to think. My friend told me not to freak out and to see what they are talking about in the next few e-mails, when that happens. . . I didn't think that he would ever cheat, may be for sex . . . I do think he loves, although this is really shocking. I know that they only sent kisses, BUT he's not the kind of guy that writes e-mail to random girls and tells that that he's going to be with his mother . . . That brings me back to last Sunday, when he's uncle and grandmother were supposed to leave early in the morning . . . I mean, you can't tell me he was doing homework all day ! That's unrealistic . . . I don't know what to think of this, I know that he might be feeling very lonely there and the lack of sex can drive people crazy, I have the feeling that these are not just friendly e-mails. I've told him a hundred times as a joke to tell me if he no more wants to be with me, I keep joking that when he's out he's with some Russian girl . . . I'm really sad right now . . . this can't be happening . . . not after all the efforts . . . and if he's just sleeping with her . . . again, it's not a very good excuse for me . . . I don't know, what do you guys think ?

Posted

okay...so he is baisclly ignoring you for days now,he cant even find 10 mins of his time to tell you whats hes up to,and just say "oh i'll be busy today, we'll talk later tonight" altough he finds time to email that russian girl? hmm.. RED FLAG. if my SO was emailing some other girl and sending her kisses id be pissed as hell and would want an explantion.

Long distance relationships can not work if there is zero trust. if you have doubt and you'r freaking out that hes cheatin you'r probably not freakin out for no reason and onto something. AND .. another important point why would he be threatinin u that he'll breakup with you over an arguement? Seems like he don't even care if u guys breakup, is it really that simple for him to throw out everything between u two? over an argument? all couples argue, but couples who love each other and respect each other and both sides want to work on their issues only those sucssed.

best luck for u

  • Author
Posted

We talked for like 6 hours yesterday and he was extremely nice and even today he asked me to call immigration Canada on his behalf and check what's going on with his papers. But he also e-mailed the girls again and he told her that they are going to go to that restaurant together and send her kisses. The e-mail she sent him, he deleted and he's responses are now in his trash . . . I also managed to find her on facebook, it will be interesting to add her to my friends list, cause my picture is of me and him and it'll be fun to see how she reacts, maybe he forgot to tell her his got a girlfriend . . . I had 100% trust in him up till now . . . but he really showed me pictures with his mom form the weekend they spent together, so he really was busy. I don't know what to think . . .

Posted

well he emailed her,and said they will go to that resturant together and sent her a kiss, dont u think this is kind of a red flag? your SO emails a girl behind ur back and says they'll go out to a resturant its a bit weird.. unless they are friends,yet id be mad if my SO was hiding something like this from me,its enough for me to see him emailing another girl sneding her kisses and sayin they will go to a resturant together,i will probably breakup with him and tell him to piss off,but thats just me..

i hope you'r okay /= . if i were u id come clean at some point about these emails and ask who is she and why is he planing to take her out to a resturant and sending her kisses. and see what he says .. :(

Posted

Are you two young teens or something? I am trying to understand why your friend said not to freak out because In an adult relationship there is really no appropriate place for sending affectionate correspondance and kisses to a person of the opposite sex.

 

I would be feeling angry and hurt, but even worse my trust would have been shattered.

Posted

wild_urge, i am so sorry. though if you confront him about this he might turn things around on you since you are reading through his e-mails.

 

you have to be prepared for the worse. there is no good way in bringing this up.

 

i had a similar situation before, i took screenshots of the conversation so my ex cannot lie to me. but right then and there, i accepted the fact that it's over.

  • Author
Posted

Hello everyone.

Thank you for the support, I finally found some time to explain what happened next.

First of all, i am 21 and he'll be 26 soon, so we are not young teenagers.

Ok, so I posted last Sunday. On Monday he was back from the trip with his mother and she had left ( because he's studying abroad ). We talked for 6 hours that day, he showed me numerous pictures form the trip with his mother, they were away to Austria for two days, so he had no internet. He also showed me pictures from when his uncle and grandmother were there. I pretended that I nothing was happening and he was very sweet and was behaving normally. Then on Tuesday, he finally opened his e-mail and answered her e-mail, saying that they are going to go together to the restaurant she suggested in her previous e-mail and ended with kisses. Shocking again !!! Anyways, that day again, we spent about 3 hours watching BBC films. On Wednesday, I woke up at 6 in the morning because of my sisters alarm and tried to log on to his e-mail immediately, but the password was changed. Here I have to say that the previous day I found her on facebook and added her, but then i cancelled the request before she had a chance to accept/deny it. So i freaked out. Oh, yeah, and the previous day he erased her messages from his inbox and moved his sent letters to the trash. . . weird. Anyways I texted him to go online but sometimes it takes time for him to receive the messages, so i called his cell phone twice but he wasn't picking up. I thought that he's doing it on purpose. Then he went on Skype, we said hi and then I directly asked him about the girl. He of course denied that anything happened between them. He kept saying that they are only friends, that she's into him, but he's just joking with her. Then I asked him why did he delete the messages and then change his password. He told me that since I have his password, he didn’t want upset me over nothing and then she told him that someone's reading his e-mail, I don't know how she could know, but then again, I don't see how he himself could know . . . anyways. It's all very fishy and weird, i realise that. But he kept saying that there hasn't been anything between them and it's just a huge misunderstanding, that he wishes he could prove it but doesn't know how and that he would never hurt me like that or ruin our 3 year relationships for something so stupid. I have to believe him, as he said, sometimes people get themselves into weird situations and all they have left is trust, as some people say, it's stranger than fiction. This is the man that I have loved more than anything for the past 3 years, but he has also become my closest friend and I trust him more than anyone, he's the person I would trust the most with my life, more than my parents. May be she was flirting and then because he's lonely responded to the flirting, because it felt nice in a way, but I really believe he didn't do anything with her. He gave me his new password to his e-mail, although of course if they wanted to they could use other e-mails, etc. But it think it is over. I myself, sometimes flirt with guys, when I really miss him. . . not on purpose, but because when someone is interested in you, it really does feel nice just to flirt a bit, of course I would never do more than that, I don't want to and I believe he didn't either. As I said above, I choose to trust him, I am not going to check his e-mail any more. It was hurtful, but I was also extremely confused by it. . . Anyways, now I am trying to forget about it. Only time will show if I am right. . . But I think that we both have very strong feelings for each other!

Posted

I am glad you chose to trust him, I don't think it was a very serious situation & like you said we all flirt a little. I think if he just replied with a one or two-lined email then it really meant nothing. The fact that you guys don't communicate as often is another thing though, in LDR's I think it's important to communicate at least once a day even if it's by email or text, that way the person can remain on your mind & you don't feel neglected or forgotten. But i wish yo both all the best, 3 years is a long time. I know seeing that emailed hurt but I am glad you guys discussed it and all is well now :)

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