pictureofalady Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 :confused: Hello! I have been invovled with a 41 year old man, never married, who I met online. We have spent a great deal of time together....5-6 days per week, every weekend for the past 4 months, talk daily, and basically every indication that we are in a "relationship" which includes sleepovers(!). I am 37 and have made my desires very clear in that I am looking for a serious relationship with the ultimate goal of finding my life partner to build a family with. He too said he would like to meet someone for the long-term and would like to have a family/children. So, I thought ...o.k. we are looking for the same things! Great. Early, Early on (and perhaps way too early) he talked about going on vacation together (which we did more recently), taking me on a trip outside the country where his family lives (meet his family?), even moving in together (in the months to come)! Saying things like "I could see myself with you" and even gave me a key to his apartment which I did not ask for! Oh, and some comments about children...."he doesn't want me to get pregnant but, it's fun to think about". First issue, After all of this.....I broached the subject of canceling his online dating profile(s) to which he was very resistent. He stated that he did not think it was a big deal at all to keep them as he "wasn't doing anything" and that he is with me all the time. To which I said fine but, then I don't feel that we need to see eachother quite so often becuase you seem to have "one foot in". After several weeks he finally suspended his accounts becuase I was not going to tolerate this! Second, I asked him several weeks ago to meet me and some of my friends/coworkers for dinner (my first offer to introduce him) and he said "no".....I told him that I was disappointed and I think he responded something like I get disappointed easily. Well, I let it go and he never offered to change his mind. Last straw(?!?!), I asked him the other night "would you be interested in meeting my Mom?"(we are close) and he was silent...basically said that this requires a "certain level of commitment". I stepped back a bit as I was really hurt and my suspiscion that he and I are not on the same page started to really become clear. I later addressed this stating that my friends and family are a direct extension of who I am and this "relationship" seems much more "casual" to me and this is not what I am looking for. His response to this....."i knew that we could not go on like this for long" and for "weeks I have been uncertain". More: "I don't know what I want...on one hand I found the perfect partner and on the other I am uncertain". He likes those words..."perfect" and "uncertain"!! "Everything is really prfect" and also " I am not sure if we are meant to live all the time together"......but, the real clincher for me was whn he said "I don't know if I can commit to one person" !!!!! Oh Boy! He is very independent, likes his free time, though he doesn't really have any true hobbies at the moment, no friends in this city, and is really somehwat of a loner. just wants to spend his time with me. So, Ladies and Gents.....I would so appreciate your insight. What should my next move be? I am feeling very hurt and really question his willingness/ability to commit (and I am not talking marriage!) but just simple emotional intimacy hell, it is just meeting people for God sakes! Right now, my big thing is...if you can't be open to something that basic with me I really don't want to waste me time waiting for you to figure out the "uncertainties" that you have. Sorry...I am a bit pissed! Thank you ............ V
notuneak Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 Well, it's important for you to have him meet your friends and family and he doesn't care. That would be a big red flag to me. The only other explanation is that he could have some kind of social anxiety disorder.
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