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For those of us in NC or trying to go NC [Easter observations]

26pointblue

By 26pointblue
in The Other Man / Woman

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26pointblue Established Member

26pointblue

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I think that today is an important day no matter what religion you practice [or none at all - I myself am not religious in the traditional sense although lately I've become more 'spiritual.']. It's a time of rebirth, regeneration, revival, resurrection. I was just reading up on the Pagan, Jewish and Christian [& even Hindu!] origins & traditions of Easter and it makes me feel strong in my decision to start over without xMM.

 

This is from a Wiccan website [again I'm not necessarily endorsing Wicca or any other religion], but I like what this website had to say [http://www.magickalmind.com/wicca.htm]:

 

This is a time of tremendous life renewal. Day and night are now equally balanced, but the days are moving in the direction of more light (greater clarity!)

This is a time when we might audit our own lives to check if we also have a healthy balance. This self-audit might include seeking out areas where we require greater inner clarity, greater self-understanding, For example: What kinds of things motivate us? What makes us feel good? What things make us angry or uneasy? Why???

 

And this is from a Buddhist site which talks about Easter in terms of accepting the different stages & seasons of life - & today happens to be about embracing birth & re-birth, which to me is the best stage of all. :)http://www.xploreheartlinks.com/buddhism.htm#A%20Buddhist%20View%20of%20Easter]:

 

Why should we attempt to transcend life and death? Why should we try to stand beyond time? Because to do so means our fear and apprehension of death is gone. It means that our life is fulfilled, whether we live to be 9 or 90. It means that we can truly be one in our hearts with the loved ones we have lost, whether it was last year or fifty years ago. It means that we have the peace of mind to someday leave our loved ones behind when our time too has come. Who is there that would not want to transcend life and death?

 

I've been doing a lot of self-discovery & I know that there are many others of you who have too. I am motivated today to stay strong on my own & not need xMM. Whenever I miss him I tell myself 'he couldn't give you what you want, need, & deserve, so you need to move on from that relationship.' Today these thoughts are particularly poignant because it's a holiday & I know xMM will be celebrating with his family & here I am all alone. I am not feeling depressed or lonely, though [right now - I do at times] because I know that if I were still with him I would be sitting here sad to not be with him, whereas right now I would rather be alone & feel strong & focus on myself.

 

I've also been trying to focus on making my life the best it can be in the here & now, which I know doesn't include sitting around pining over xMM or wishing things were different or trying to change things that I can't. To really live my life to the fullest I feel that I have to accept that he is staying married & I am therefore moving on. And I have to actually move on. :) I'm thinking of starting another thread about things I'm doing to keep focused on myself rather than on xMM, which is kind of related to this, but I wanted to keep this post on an Easter theme. I found thinking about all of this really helpful & I just wanted to pass on my thoughts in case they help someone else who is NC or wants to be NC. :) Happy Easter/Passover/Spring Orthodox/Ostara -- whatever it means to you! :bunny: Those of us who are in NC are starting a new season of our lives, & I wish everyone the best!!! Thank you to everyone for helping me through this, I hope I can return the favor. :)

Edited by 26pointblue
MLC64 Member

MLC64

Posted
Posted
I think that today is an important day no matter what religion you practice [or none at all - I myself am not religious in the traditional sense although lately I've become more 'spiritual.']. It's a time of rebirth, regeneration, revival, resurrection. I was just reading up on the Pagan, Jewish and Christian [& even Hindu!] origins & traditions of Easter and it makes me feel strong in my decision to start over without xMM.

 

This is from a Wiccan website [again I'm not necessarily endorsing Wicca or any other religion], but I like what this website had to say [http://www.magickalmind.com/wicca.htm]:

 

This is a time of tremendous life renewal. Day and night are now equally balanced, but the days are moving in the direction of more light (greater clarity!)

This is a time when we might audit our own lives to check if we also have a healthy balance. This self-audit might include seeking out areas where we require greater inner clarity, greater self-understanding, For example: What kinds of things motivate us? What makes us feel good? What things make us angry or uneasy? Why???

 

And this is from a Buddhist site which talks about Easter in terms of accepting the different stages & seasons of life - & today happens to be about embracing birth & re-birth, which to me is the best stage of all. :)http://www.xploreheartlinks.com/buddhism.htm#A%20Buddhist%20View%20of%20Easter]:

 

Why should we attempt to transcend life and death? Why should we try to stand beyond time? Because to do so means our fear and apprehension of death is gone. It means that our life is fulfilled, whether we live to be 9 or 90. It means that we can truly be one in our hearts with the loved ones we have lost, whether it was last year or fifty years ago. It means that we have the peace of mind to someday leave our loved ones behind when our time too has come. Who is there that would not want to transcend life and death?

 

I've been doing a lot of self-discovery & I know that there are many others of you who have too. I am motivated today to stay strong on my own & not need xMM. Whenever I miss him I tell myself 'he couldn't give you what you want, need, & deserve, so you need to move on from that relationship.' Today these thoughts are particularly poignant because it's a holiday & I know xMM will be celebrating with his family & here I am all alone. I am not feeling depressed or lonely, though [right now - I do at times] because I know that if I were still with him I would be sitting here sad to not be with him, whereas right now I would rather be alone & feel strong & focus on myself.

 

I've also been trying to focus on making my life the best it can be in the here & now, which I know doesn't include sitting around pining over xMM or wishing things were different or trying to change things that I can't. To really live my life to the fullest I feel that I have to accept that he is staying married & I am therefore moving on. And I have to actually move on. :) I'm thinking of starting another thread about things I'm doing to keep focused on myself rather than on xMM, which is kind of related to this, but I wanted to keep this post on an Easter theme. I found thinking about all of this really helpful & I just wanted to pass on my thoughts in case they help someone else who is NC or wants to be NC. :) Happy Easter/Passover/Spring Orthodox/Ostara -- whatever it means to you! :bunny: Those of us who are in NC are starting a new season of our lives, & I wish everyone the best!!! Thank you to everyone for helping me through this, I hope I can return the favor. :)

 

P26PB....

Thank you for posting this. I came here in a bit of a panic and added hurt. I have had txts from xMM yesterday and today and Good Friday.....I am not replying. Today....it was a nice message wishing me a Happy Easter....I have a houseful of people....have prepared my turkey, but my heart is aching. I want to reply......should I? Just a simple Happy Easter back? Help......I want to tell him I am thinking of him too or will that just start it all again......

my heart is in pieces.....I am tempted to txt back but I think it will hurt like it did the last time I did. I know I am not alone in this today..what are the others in NC doing today? Is it a struggle for you guys also?

tx and Happy Easter to everyone....

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26pointblue Established Member

26pointblue

Posted
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P26PB....

Thank you for posting this. I came here in a bit of a panic and added hurt. I have had txts from xMM yesterday and today and Good Friday.....I am not replying. Today....it was a nice message wishing me a Happy Easter....I have a houseful of people....have prepared my turkey, but my heart is aching. I want to reply......should I? Just a simple Happy Easter back? Help......I want to tell him I am thinking of him too or will that just start it all again......

my heart is in pieces.....I am tempted to txt back but I think it will hurt like it did the last time I did. I know I am not alone in this today..what are the others in NC doing today? Is it a struggle for you guys also?

tx and Happy Easter to everyone....

 

I don't think you should text him back. I totally understand the temptation but, as you've hinted that you know already, even if it gives you a 'fix' in the short run, in the long run it just sets you back & will bring you back to stage 1, of feeling all that hurt & pain. I know it's hard but I've found it's better to stick to my plan [NO contact, no matter what] & rely on myself to get through this rather than on getting little bits & pieces of temporary highs from xMM.

 

Think of it this way. Say you text him back just a simple happy easter. What is that going to change? Are you going to be able to really be together as a couple? Is he going to give up his marriage? No. So there is no point really- it won't ease the hurt. The only way to ease the hurt is to stay patient & true to your goal of NC & keep moving forward slowly.

 

I know it's really hard, I'm there myself all the time. I just posted another thread about things I do to stay NC. It is so great that your house is full of people you love. :-) I am sitting here with my sick dog who is recovering from surgery & it is quite depressing. Just me & her but you know what, I don't need xMM! I don't want his 'Happy Easter, I miss you' messages [i did receive them as well] because he can't give me what I really want which is a real relationship. He is just trying to ease his own pain or distract from it by contacting me. I understand that & don't fault him but I cannot do that because I need to focus on myself & get through this for good, not just until the next temporary fix that doesn't end up really fixing anything.

 

I really hope I've helped, I hope you can stay strong & not contact him. I really think you will feel better in the end if you stay away. Have a very happy Easter & enjoy the yummy turkey you cooked! :-) Hugs.

MLC64 Member

MLC64

Posted
Posted
I don't think you should text him back. I totally understand the temptation but, as you've hinted that you know already, even if it gives you a 'fix' in the short run, in the long run it just sets you back & will bring you back to stage 1, of feeling all that hurt & pain. I know it's hard but I've found it's better to stick to my plan [NO contact, no matter what] & rely on myself to get through this rather than on getting little bits & pieces of temporary highs from xMM.

 

Think of it this way. Say you text him back just a simple happy easter. What is that going to change? Are you going to be able to really be together as a couple? Is he going to give up his marriage? No. So there is no point really- it won't ease the hurt. The only way to ease the hurt is to stay patient & true to your goal of NC & keep moving forward slowly.

 

I know it's really hard, I'm there myself all the time. I just posted another thread about things I do to stay NC. It is so great that your house is full of people you love. :-) I am sitting here with my sick dog who is recovering from surgery & it is quite depressing. Just me & her but you know what, I don't need xMM! I don't want his 'Happy Easter, I miss you' messages [i did receive them as well] because he can't give me what I really want which is a real relationship. He is just trying to ease his own pain or distract from it by contacting me. I understand that & don't fault him but I cannot do that because I need to focus on myself & get through this for good, not just until the next temporary fix that doesn't end up really fixing anything.

 

I really hope I've helped, I hope you can stay strong & not contact him. I really think you will feel better in the end if you stay away. Have a very happy Easter & enjoy the yummy turkey you cooked! :-) Hugs.

 

Thanks....yes, you have helped. A lot.

I needed this advice, I feel rude not replying. However I just reread my list of NC= No new hurts list.

If I write him back and I don't hear back then I will feel like crap, so I won't.

I am going for a long run before the other ten people arrive....then I will be so busy it won't matter.

Thanks and I feel so sad.....but I know what you are saying is true.

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26pointblue Established Member

26pointblue

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Thanks....yes, you have helped. A lot.

I needed this advice, I feel rude not replying. However I just reread my list of NC= No new hurts list.

If I write him back and I don't hear back then I will feel like crap, so I won't.

I am going for a long run before the other ten people arrive....then I will be so busy it won't matter.

Thanks and I feel so sad.....but I know what you are saying is true.

 

I definitely think you made the right decision! Good for you. Yes, if you don't hear back from him, you'll feel sad, & also if you do hear back from him, it will just start this whole dramatic roller-coaster all over again!

 

Going for a run was definitely the better choice, good job. :-) I know how you feel- I too feel rude or sorry for xMM when I don't answer his attempts at contact, but, Idk if this is the case with you or not, but I had made it clear to him that I was going NC & why, & he said he understood & respected my decision. So now it's rather rude of him to disrespect my boundaries by contacting me.

 

At first I always feel sad & lonely when I hear from xMM [or when I don't, ha ha] but then after I resist the urge to talk to him & do something for myself [the run is a great idea - I find if I'm just sitting around bored/miserable, I have much more of an urge to contact him than when I get busy doing something for myself!], I feel so proud of myself & strong! :-) So I hope you are feeling that way now. Good luck, stay strong, & Happy Easter!

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26pointblue Established Member

26pointblue

Posted
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Thanks....yes, you have helped. A lot.

I needed this advice, I feel rude not replying. However I just reread my list of NC= No new hurts list.

If I write him back and I don't hear back then I will feel like crap, so I won't.

I am going for a long run before the other ten people arrive....then I will be so busy it won't matter.

Thanks and I feel so sad.....but I know what you are saying is true.

 

I definitely think you made the right decision! Good for you. Yes, if you don't hear back from him, you'll feel sad, & also if you do hear back from him, it will just start this whole dramatic roller-coaster all over again!

 

Going for a run was definitely the better choice, good job. :-) I know how you feel- I too feel rude or sorry for xMM when I don't answer his attempts at contact, but, Idk if this is the case with you or not, but I had made it clear to him that I was going NC & why, & he said he understood & respected my decision. So now it's rather rude of him to disrespect my boundaries by contacting me.

 

At first I always feel sad & lonely when I hear from xMM [or when I don't, ha ha] but then after I resist the urge to talk to him & do something for myself [the run is a great idea - I find if I'm just sitting around bored/miserable, I have much more of an urge to contact him than when I get busy doing something for myself!], I feel so proud of myself & strong! :-) So I hope you are feeling that way now. Good luck, stay strong, & Happy Easter!

Amour7 Established Member

Amour7

Posted
Posted

Good topic, 26pb, thanks. Unlike MLC, I didn't hear from my xMM today, and that was helpful. I was still sad today, and thought a bit about what he was doing with his family, and thinking that he probably wasn't missing me on a holiday because I wasn't a part of that part of his life. Status quo for him, except for the stolen minutes to text or call me as he would. What's kind of the same for me is it's another holiday where I am sad and lonely. But what's different is it makes more sense to me. In the past, I was sad and lonely and in love. Now, I'm sad and lonely and trying to get over a broken heart. I shouldn't have had to be sad during holidays for the last two years. One "hopeful" thought I have had is that next Easter I'll feel so much better if I make it the year without going back to him.

 

I hope you ladies were able to enjoy some of the day. Hugs to you both.

Bigsmoke Member

Bigsmoke

Posted
Posted

Maybe just focus on being a person of integrity, a person who is honest and keeps his or her word, no matter what.

If you live an honest life, things just fall into place. No need to foocus on what a MM can or cannot give you, as it is irrelavent. No matter what he can provide, taking it requires you to compromise your integrity. Nothing is worth that.

carrie999 Established Member

carrie999

Posted
Posted

Great thread, 26PB! I'm so happy that you've been so strong...same to you, MLC and Amour.

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26pointblue Established Member

26pointblue

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Good topic, 26pb, thanks. Unlike MLC, I didn't hear from my xMM today, and that was helpful. I was still sad today, and thought a bit about what he was doing with his family, and thinking that he probably wasn't missing me on a holiday because I wasn't a part of that part of his life. Status quo for him, except for the stolen minutes to text or call me as he would. What's kind of the same for me is it's another holiday where I am sad and lonely. But what's different is it makes more sense to me. In the past, I was sad and lonely and in love. Now, I'm sad and lonely and trying to get over a broken heart. I shouldn't have had to be sad during holidays for the last two years. One "hopeful" thought I have had is that next Easter I'll feel so much better if I make it the year without going back to him.

 

I hope you ladies were able to enjoy some of the day. Hugs to you both.

 

The bolded sentence is such a hopeful thought indeed, thank you for sharing it!!! Sometimes I feel like, I can't go one more day without talking to him. But you're right that that will only set me back & in the long-run it will be more painful than getting over him & on with my life.

 

My sister & I are running a marathon in 6 months & I hope to be totally 'bounced back' by then. I know I can't control a timeline for grief or healing but I mean that I hope to have stuck with my personal goals, be in great physical shape [i've gained quite a bit of weight from a combination of being depressed, not working out, & drinking a lot -- all of which have to do with xMM -- I'm not blaming him but I allowed myself to do these things because I was dealing with it all very badly], & be a lot healthier & happier. Sometimes I hope to be dating by then but I'm not sure . . . the thought is scary & I don't know when I'll ever be ready. I am still in so much pain & hurt. But I will tell myself that things will be better in 6 months if I stay away from xMM. Thank you for the encouragement & I wish you well.

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26pointblue Established Member

26pointblue

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Maybe just focus on being a person of integrity, a person who is honest and keeps his or her word, no matter what.

If you live an honest life, things just fall into place. No need to foocus on what a MM can or cannot give you, as it is irrelavent. No matter what he can provide, taking it requires you to compromise your integrity. Nothing is worth that.

 

This is a good thought too. Sometimes I wonder why I was/am attracted to someone who I know is a seasoned liar & so very selfish & confused. I don't want to be like him & I also don't want to date him or anyone like that. I agree it would be helpful to focus on being the kind of person I want to be instead of worrying about xMM. That's easier said than done but I will try it. :-)

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