ironmanpower Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 I believe in tomorrow. I'm 29 and the ex is 26. My ex-girlfriend and I've been dating for 3 years since 2008 and we were planning to get married in 2010. In September 2010, we put a down payment to buy a house together and were planning to get married in 2013. I proposed to her last Christmas, she rejected my proposal. From there, it was all downhill, she told me that the proposal was a turnoff and she's not ready for marriage. She mentioned that she want a cooling off period but we can still go out, I took it seriously and wanted a clean break up. This happened in Jan 2011. From there onwards, it was an emotional rollercoaster. We cancelled the joint savings account we've in Feb 2011 and cancelled the purchase of the house in March 2011. I started NC in March 2011 and for about 3 weeks, there was no contact between us. She sent me an sms wishing me happy birthday and told me that this birthday I've would be different. She also asked me out but I rejected it as I was still bitter. Last week, I decided to asked her out for dinner. We talked about the whole breakup and she cried saying how she was feeling so guilty about the breakup. Her Mum was blaming her for breaking up with me but she said she has the freedom whom she wants to be with. I forgive her and told her everything is all right. I made a mistake by asking her out for lunch after church the same week. We went for lunch together and had a good time, the feelings started to come back and I could see that she was both comfortable and nervous about this whole date that we had. I started to get clingy and couldn't control my emotions and started texting her everyday. After the lunch, she disappeared without a trace and was busy with work. I've decided to continue NC and moved on with life as this few months have been too much of an emotional rollercoaster for me. I've decided to move on as it's been a few months. We go to the same church and I've decided to go to another church to avoid her. Keeping this as a journal and Thank God for this forum which allows me to share my story anonymously and for the emotional support.
GrayClouds Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 You picked the scab by going to dinner with her and now it is bleeding. It sounds like now you going to go NC for good and allow yourself to heal and move on. Good idea. It is hard but it get easier, keep yourself busy, get involved with some new hobbies, hand would with friends and family, and keep doing the things you enjoy. It takes time and there will be ups and downs but keep NC and moving foreword.
Flgirl44 Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 You seem like you have your head screwed on straight, and journaling does help. I hope you feel better with each passing day.
Author ironmanpower Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 Thanks people. I feel better with each passing day. I've been on a few dates and everything's fine. She's not the world. If its meant to be, she would come back to me. I've been in NC for 5th day so far after breaking this numerous times before after our breakup in Dec.
Author ironmanpower Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 Nc for the 9th day. Heard from a friend she has a new boyfriend. The feeling sucks but I've to move on.
Author ironmanpower Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 NC for the 10th day. All's good. I handled the proposal ring to my family to sell it off at the jewellers. Got a quote of 60% of the price that I bought. I dont need the money now and I couldn't bear to sell it off. Missed her badly but she's now seeing a new guy. Heard from my friend that her nick on MSN changed to "Fel's polar boy". She has found a new love and it breaks my heart. Be strong and I would grow out of this. Consolation is that I was given an increment today for my job. One of the happier news I've received so far the past 6 months
Flgirl44 Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 That's good you are excelling at your job! Just keep your head up and fake it til you make it. This feeling will lift one day. It just happens when you look back and realize you aren't as sad as you were x amount of time ago, then you get a rush of empowerment and it drives you to keep moving forward. Good luck I hope things continue on the right track for you
Author ironmanpower Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 Thank you for the support guys. This forum has been a great help in helping me to release my emotions in a positive way. I got home after gym and inside of me, I contemplated calling her. But I know it's not going to work and this would bring me to another new low. I need ideas on what should I do with the proposal ring? I was joking to my friend that this would be a good story to tell when I am old to my grandchildren.
JasonRules Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 NC for the 10th day. All's good. I handled the proposal ring to my family to sell it off at the jewellers. Got a quote of 60% of the price that I bought. I dont need the money now and I couldn't bear to sell it off. Missed her badly but she's now seeing a new guy. Heard from my friend that her nick on MSN changed to "Fel's polar boy". She has found a new love and it breaks my heart. Be strong and I would grow out of this. Consolation is that I was given an increment today for my job. One of the happier news I've received so far the past 6 months Do you actually think for a moment that in 10 days after the break up she would be capable of seeing another guy already? Your ex had already met the new guy many weeks before she ended it. She ended it because of him, not because of anything you did or said.
Author ironmanpower Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 I guess she met him during this few months. We broke up in January and took some time to sort out the papers for the house we've purchased together. We cancelled the purchase in late March and now she's seeing this new guy. Not gonna waste time on her as she's commitment phobic. This new guy would not last as well and she'd just be a yo-yo going back and forth. She did talked to me about this new guy when we met to sort out the house. She mentioned they have different religious beliefs and his whole family have something against Christianity. She did some comparision and how the new guy wasn't as good looking as me and not as established in his career as I am. But the weird thing was she told me she was comfortable with him and she's gonna give him a try. This raised internal alarms in me that she's a commitment phobic. Who would want to give a guy a chance when they know that there's some fundamental differences between them. Alas, that's one of the reasons she may be keeping and to use this as a good reason to bail out of the relationship once it starts to progress.
Author ironmanpower Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 Day 13, never love anything that can't love you back. I've been hitting the gym, working on my swim by joining a master's swim club, and have started hanging out with my buddies for road cycling trips. Lost about 10 pounds and have been looking better. I looked at myself in the mirror and loved the way I look. I look so good today that my female coworker comment "You looked fabulous today, did you have sex yesterday" She knew I have recently emerged from a breakup recently. She commented how there was a glorw coming out from me and she can sense that there was lotsa positive energy coming out from me. Flirted with a few coworkers and love my single life. Dating a girl tomorrow and we're going the Universal Studios.
Author ironmanpower Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 Day 16 Girl I was dating for the past couple of months just told me she has a newfound boyfriend. We had lotsa fun dating this couple of months especially the rollercoaster rides we had. I would just leave it as it is and start dating new girls... Not gonna break a sweat over this..
lalalandman Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Hey, do yourself a favor and go on a date with another girl. Don't be too picky. Just go on a date. And don't talk about the ex, at all. Seriously, the more dates the better. Trust me.
VJohnson32 Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Day 16 Girl I was dating for the past couple of months just told me she has a newfound boyfriend. We had lotsa fun dating this couple of months especially the rollercoaster rides we had. I would just leave it as it is and start dating new girls... Not gonna break a sweat over this.. Why are you still dating if you're still hung up on the ex? Obviously it will backfire on you and say what you will, I bet that set you back quite a lot.
Author ironmanpower Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 Why are you still dating if you're still hung up on the ex? Obviously it will backfire on you and say what you will, I bet that set you back quite a lot. Because dating is fun. Anyway, the girl I was dating asked me if I've any hard feelings. I said no, we had fun anyway. I'm not gonna let this be another setback. Going to surf the online dating sites and ask more girls out. Dating as a single men can be quite daunting but I'm beginning to like the perks of a single man. Now, I need to find more single girls to date.
Author ironmanpower Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 Day 25... I'm dating a new girl tonight for dinner. I've been missing church all this while. The ex text me this morning at 1am asking me if I've been going to church. She told me I can go to church this Sunday and next Sunday. I'm not replying. I have my own life and I dont need you to dictate when I should go church or not. Nonetheless, I'm finding a new church to go to.. Not replying the message and staying NC. I dont want to feed her ego.
Flgirl44 Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 haha 1 am texts about going to church make me chuckle a little bit. It's good you are staying strong! Good luck on your date
nini Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Well done, good to see other ppl being able to move on, it gives me hope. Best of luck!
JasonRules Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 @OP Do not stop dating even if you still harbor feelings for your ex. Just because you're dating doesn't mean you will marry them. Keep it light and casual and strive for a nice time with good companionship. I highly doubt your ex met the guy during the time you were broken up. I think in all likelihood what happened was that she had met him prior, broke up with you, then started dating him. In any case, it doesn't matter as the end result is the same to you. Continue what you're doing and do not stop. The order of the day should be work, gym, and throw in a date here and there. Ignore your ex...
plasma Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 M-P stop micro analysing this situation, i can picture u with a note pad jotting every day down, fling that **** in the trash and go to gym!
Author ironmanpower Posted May 18, 2011 Author Posted May 18, 2011 Thanks for the support folks. This forum has been a great help! I've lost count the number of days I've started NC. I'm a triathlete and I swim bike and run. Other than hitting the gym, I meet my friends for swim training and group cycling trips. The ex text message does not bother me although I'm quite peeved at her for disturbing my sleep. I'm a light sleeper and that text came at 1am. It woke me up and interrupted my sleep. I just gotta let this ride. As the days and weeks pass, I am beginning to forget her. Time heal all wounds.
Author ironmanpower Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 Day 28 After attempting contact with me a 3 days ago, the ex sent me a text message while she's on holiday. Here's how the text message goes Hey, I'm in Taiwan for holiday with my girls, you want anything from Taiwan? Now what should I do? Should I remain NC? I'd be out of town tomorrow for a business trip and wont be back a week later.
Author ironmanpower Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 This is a long shot. It has been more than a month and I am still in the process of healing. I have decided to go back to the church where she and I worships at. Do you think this is a good idea? I'm over her and have got the victim feeling out of my system.
Author ironmanpower Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 hrmm why not? Would it tear up the stitches on my wound?
Recommended Posts