5 year break up and !

[Michael85]

I have never written about my problems on a forum before! So this is quite a big deal for me. Please read! I’d much appreciate it.

 

I don't really know where to start with this. But my feelings were so strong for this girl that after 6 weeks I am finding this whole situation rather difficult.

I am a 26 year old guy who has just come out of a 5 year relationship for reasons I still don't know? Me and my girlfriend had so much in common! Music, films and other interests. Our relationship always felt fresh and I always made sure of it, we went on holidays all the time, always very active and social with ourselves and friends. People around us said we were perfect for each other. We never really argued! Well we did but they weren't about us! My GF was very self conscious! The useful, didn't think she was pretty, thought she was fat! Always looking in the mirror and at her stomach! Some days she would wear 2-5 different outfits before leaving the house! And even then sometimes she wouldn't leave and I'd have to convince her otherwise.

 

I don't want people to think she's crazy or anything, the latter didn't happen every day, there were just pockets of instances that these issues would occur.

We just got on so well! Always talking about our future, always making each other laugh! She was the only girl that could make me laugh so hard I’d be in tears. We were not a clingy couple we were quite independent as people. I never stopped her from doing anything, In the 5 years I let her go travelling for 3 months around Asia, I've let her go do work experiences for a whole month which caused us not to see each other for that time, but at the same time we loved each other’s company and always missed each other when apart.

So I will get the final bit of the story! In the last 6 months of our relationship was good but I noticed that she was feeling down! My gf just finished university last July (2010) I feel she the type of person that needs direction and I feel every since she left she has felt lost, but we still got on.

 

So since then she just felt really down, she said it’s because of the latter and that she doesn't like herself and the way she looks! Being a supportive boyfriend I was always telling her hoe beautiful she is and how lucky I am to have her. She started talking to her doctor and he suggested group therapy and every since January this year she has been attending these meetings once a week. I'd ask her about them but she said it was confidential and wasn't allowed to speak about it! That sort of hurt! But I had to respect her wishes but I told her I was there if she needed to tell me something. As of February this year I had been very busy with University. I was seeing here less and less but I did try my best to see her as much as I could.

I was beginning to feel stressed and down within myself because of pressures of Uni and work and just felt alone, I was only seeing her 2wice a week and she was busy applying for jobs that she needed to help her career! the last week that I saw her was good I met up with her on the Monday at our work (we had the same job) because it was her parents anniversary (who I really get on with) she gave me an "I love you card" and a 2 gig tickets as a present. That's another thing we always did that for each other! Randomly giving each other gifts, it's just something we did, it wasn't excessive or anything it's just here and there sort of thing. Anyway that was a good night and really fun. The following Friday we met up again and she was feeling down! Stressed of not having a real job and staying with her parents was becoming difficult. We had a little tiff about things but nothing major, she could that I was stressed to the max about my uni and she was being really nice about it, always holding my hand and telling me how much she loves me and for the whole night she couldn’t let me go! the next day at work she came into the staff room and gave me a big hug and told me how much she loves me and we kissed which was amazing, probably the loving one in 3 months. She asked that after work did I want to meet her for drinks and wanted me to stay at hers. But the weird thing is she went out with some of our work mates and never texted me to tell me where she was? I tried calling and text but nothing; I thought "she must have gone home". I found out later she went out with two people from work. I text and told her I was a bit annoyed as we were suppose to meet and I was suppose to go back to hers.

 

On the Monday (which is the day she goes to group therapy) I was busy editing a film and for some reason I just felt something was up, I don't know something felt wrong! She texted and asked if I was annoyed at the previous night! I replied "no" but I really was. Later on in the evening I get a call from her. She tells me she can't be with me! She said she doesn't know what it is but she feels something is missing but didn't know what it was??

 

I was devastated, a phone call! That’s all I was worth? She was telling me a few days ago, in fact all week how much she loved me and couldn't wait for the summer so we can spend more time together. 5 years and all i get is a phone call! With not even a solid reason! I was devastated. All my friends and her friends and even her parents were shocked. I really didn't see it coming. Even her parents (who she is really close to) don’t know why? Everyone and I were shocked.

 

It’s been 6 weeks and I’ve heard nothing from her! I had to leave my job as I couldn't bear seeing her there I had to finish my last 5 weeks of university! I am lost, honestly lost. We were so close and had so much fun in the process. And one day she says it over just like that! We no really reason.

 

I only saw her a week later as I couldn't get outta bed for a week. We talked for 45 minutes! She just sat there and all she said was she was sick of feeling low about herself and that she needed a change! She couldn't tell me why see it was over between us! Surely you have to change with yourself and that getting rid of people you "love" is the wrong thing to do!

 

I will stop now as I don't want to waffle on. This has been a big deal for me in writing this, I would just like peoples thoughts, it’s been 6 weeks and I’ve heard nothing, I feel like I’ve just been disposed of like I was garbage. I am not sitting here waiting on her or anything but I feel like I’ve lost not only my GF but my best friend. I’ve been in another lengthy relationship and I could see how it was over, but this just amazes me and people around me.

 

Thank you for reading

Edited April 24, 2011 by Michael85

[sabienne]

Michael85, my heart goes out to you. Reading your story was very heartbreaking. Its good you put your story here though, you will find a lot of great support on these forums.

 

I really don't know what to say about your situation. I absolutely think your gf owes you some explanations. Why don't you try writing down exactly what you want to know from her, contacting her and asking for some answers? Take along your questions and ask those. See if you can at least get from her wha she wants out of a relationship that you weren't giving her.

[Michael85]

Thank you for the replies! it really helps.

 

My ex was the type of person that found it hard to keep her emotions to herself, even when people didn't recognise it, I could always tell that there was something wrong with her. All I got for the last 3 months was not happy with herself. She was never afraid to stress her opinions on us and our relationship.

The last 3 weeks of our relationship she was always texting and telling me how much she missed me and hated being without me. I would get calls and she would be so warm and loving, even to the last day I saw her! she was just so warm, even her best friend told me two weeks before we broke up that when they went on a girls night out all she kept talking about was how amazing and supportive I was.

 

When I last saw her (for 45 minutes) she didn't say much but she did say that I was... and I am paraphrasing "you are the best person ever". She couldn't even tell me she didn't love me.

 

Iv'e heard from old work friends that she doesn't talk about me at all like i didn't exist! but she has been going out lots with them out partying...

 

I hope I don't come across like I am in denial about this! honestly! I would have loved her to have given a solid reason even if I didn't like it. I just know that nothing was even mentioned or I didn't even feel that she felt this because she was being so loving and warm.

 

I am 6 weeks NC - I cant bare emailing or calling her and to read her reply with such coldness. I really honestly don't think she will give me an answer... plus am worried about relapse.

 

Relationships is such a funny thing. It would be interesting to know if people broke up with there partners and didn't have a reason for it just something they did on impulse.? I would love to hear their stories.

 

thank you people.

Edited April 24, 2011 by Michael85