Allstar06 Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 I didn't know where else to go to seek advice. Long story short an old crush came moved back after 8 years. She contacted me. I was with my gf and engaged. I always wondered "what if" with my old crush. I am 28 and was 18 at the time, but I wasn't the person I am today. That attracted my old crush to me. I told my fiancee I had to work late. I would go meet my crush. We kissed and I felt nothing. But none the less I cheated. I was confused as what to do. My fiancee and I had essentially became one person. I guess "boredom " set in. I know that's not an excuse. People are still shocked to this day that I cheated. My ex came over and asked me if I would regret the decision. I said no, at the time I was brain washed by my crush. My crush said she couldn't promise we would be together that she just moved back and needed to get herself back together. My ex stayed at our place and I stayed at my grandma's. Her brother is marrying my cousin next month. That makes it hard because I will still see her and her family at family functions. We have two dogs together who are our kids. Out of the blue one day she send me an email saying "I miss you" She said I hurt her badly, and her walls and guard are up. I seen her last sat at my cousins daughters birthday party. I got upset because this is the reality I was scared of facing was seeing her at family functions. After that email I would regularly email her. Apologizing for my mistake. My crush told her I was sleeping with someone, but that someone was my ex and this was way back in Jan when we were still talking to each other. The old flame used me as a pawn, and never intended to ever be with me. So I let her know her source was unreliable and the last person I slept with was her. I asked her if we could have coffee one day. She said it would be best if we wouldn't. That she was trying to work on herself, rather than us. But she misses me, and communication should be at a minimum for a while. I txt messaged her step mom saying I miss them and asked if I could play video games with her little brother. She didn't respond. Her mom and I txted and I told her that I didn't know if my ex missed me. She said of course she does, but she was hurt badly. I told her if I could take away my mistake I would. If I could take away her pain I would. I then asked her mom if she thought it would be remotely possible that my ex and I got back together. She said of course it is possible. Her mom says we both need to work on our self esteem issues. I am a jealous person, because I have been cheated on in my past relationships. I'm bipolar and I use to be a cutter. Honestly somedays I feel the urge to cut because it would distract my heart from hurting. I don't know what to do. She is staying at her dad and step moms house. Saving up for a car since hers broke. I have trust issues and jealousy issues. However I am seeing a conselor she told me to not give up hope. My psychiatrist agrees I screwed up. Any advice would be very appreciated. I miss her dearly, as do our dogs. I will always love her. I know the road will be a long process, but I don't even know if we can get on that road. Its so hard knowing her brother is marrying my cousin, and will be tied into the family regardless. Please help. My heart is in a million pieces and I would take everything back if I could. My nanny says I need to act undesperite, and honor her no communicating for a while.
Lishy Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 I agree with your nanny! I want to say things but it will only be what you already think anyway back off for a while and see what happens Good luck
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