PelicanPete Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 I guess I'm in a bit of a mood tonight. I feel like im on the home stretch of completely getting over my ex, We've been NC for a few months now, I have no desire ever to get back with her, or even have her in my life. I don't care that she's with this other guy now, and I already got closure two months ago. All I feel towards her now is a bit of bitterness. It just bothers me that she is expecting me to come running back into her life when I get over it, because she apparently has stayed friends with all her ex's and im just being a drama queen. I guess I'm in a bit of a hostile mood towards her because time and reading about other relationships on LS has given me a clearer perspective of our relationship. I see now her behavior from day 1 foreshadowing the end and it bothers me. It bothers me that she thinks it was all my fault and that I was horrible to her when that's all just an exaggerated farce she told her friends to justify her actions. It bothers me that she tries to talk to me through our mutual friends and thinks my behavior is unjustified and silly, and that shes acting like shes being the bigger person and just being patient with me. She wants us to stay friends, which I tried to do, and all she did was talk about her new boyfriend because she lacks independence. Being friends would be doing her a favor since she treated me worse than a friend during and post break up. I guess I'm just looking to get my last bit of anger towards her out with a bit of an ego boost. I'd like to just write her an email and explain how wrong she is so that I could just completely burn any bridge with her and leave with me on top, but I guess I would probably regret it later or something. I have nothing but bad memories left in my head towards her because of how she has twisted and manipulated our whole relationship, all because she was so insecure from leaving me and she needed a good reason to tell everyone why shes currently with this low life. Part of me just thinks that she isn't even worth the bother, time, or even the thought. The other part of me just wants to get it all off my chest and remind her of what really happened and to tell her I'll never be her friend. I guess I already know what the right thing to do is, but it would be nice to get rid of my frustration towards her. Advice or suggestions are appreciated.
GrayClouds Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 Do not bother trying to be her friend, why would you want to? To prove that people can hurt you and you will stick around for more? Do you really want to hear how the new guy makes her so happy or is a great lover? It is that you want to help her over her guilt of walking away? I suspect I know the answers to any of this questions. And if your write a letter she will only read in to it how much your still wanting her and how wonderful she is no matter what words you put down. The anger is good, it is telling you that you deserve better but it is not her that is going to give it to you, it is you by going NC and pursuing your life not by looking to the past but looking toward the future. And that has nothing to do with her.
Author PelicanPete Posted April 24, 2011 Author Posted April 24, 2011 It sounds like you didn't even read what I wrote I'm not bothering with being her friend. I tried to awhile ago mostly because I was afraid to move on, and all it did was frustrate me. I already gave closure wishing her the best and that I didn't want to talk to her anymore, and when she felt guilty she was harassing me with emails trying to make it all my fault. What makes me angry is that she is telling all of our mutual friends I was some horrible abuser just to make her new boyfriend look better than me, and I guess I want to know if I should confront her on why she's spreading all these lies about me, or just try to ignore it.
carhill Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 Advice or suggestions are appreciated. 1. Proactively focus more on friends and family. I spent a lot of time helping friends during the time leading up to our divorce being final as a way to diffuse bitterness and distract despair and it worked well. I felt a lot better about myself and didn't use any women to feel that way. 2. Give it time. If, after six months to a year of NC, you still feel overwhelmingly bitter, seek therapy. I had therapy as part of our MC while we were married and the tools helped me better process the pain and bitterness of divorce. 3. Accept it. When you're bitter, own it. Right now, I have no interest in dating and probably won't for a long time. I tried it awhile back and it wasn't bad but I accepted that it's likely not my path. If that changes someday, it does. Happy Easter
GrayClouds Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 It sounds like you didn't even read what I wrote I'm not bothering with being her friend. I tried to awhile ago mostly because I was afraid to move on, and all it did was frustrate me. I already gave closure wishing her the best and that I didn't want to talk to her anymore, and when she felt guilty she was harassing me with emails trying to make it all my fault. What makes me angry is that she is telling all of our mutual friends I was some horrible abuser just to make her new boyfriend look better than me, and I guess I want to know if I should confront her on why she's spreading all these lies about me, or just try to ignore it. It really does not matter why she is telling these tell if coulee she is an insecure little girl needing confirmation of her choices, selfishly needs to keep you thinking about her and wanting you to react to prove it or simple bat **** crazy. If these people are your friends then they already know the truth. It will boost your ego more by showing class and dignity and simple ignore her and pursue you life with passion.
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