terra5 Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 Me and my girlfriend of almost two years broke up about six weeks ago. I am 27 and she is 25 and still lives with her parents. I broke up with her, but I wasn't really meaning what I said. I really needed time to really cool down and not make any bad decisions. I was insulting about it. Her parents found a bunch of facebook messages between us and it upset them. I was upset about it and was upset at her. She made the breakup public with her friends and family. I was insulting. About a week and half go by and she starts talking to another guy. I was thinking it wasn't over, but made an honest mistake by telling her it was. She said during the time between she was really broken hearted. This guy was talking to her and now they are dating. While she was and is dating him we would talk almost every other day. For like 4-6 hours. She met me once at a restaurant about two weeks ago. We keep in regular contact. She says he is confused at times then other times she say she has moved on. Sometimes she says she is falling for him then other times she says he is a "friend". She says she still is in love with me. She responds only to my texts and phone calls; she hasn't called or text me but maybe four or six times after a period of limited contact. She just made me a card and bought me blanket she is sending soon. She says she has to move on. Her parents are pushing her towards this guy of course and would be very angry if she went back to me. However, she seems to be going in circles but won't come back or devote to me. She falls in love easy and this other guy is "working" with the family. However, I know she still loves me. She misses me and says it makes her sick when she thinks about me and misses me. I wonder if there still is a chance we can be together again?
sabienne Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 You said she said she has to move on. As much as this will kill you, as much as it will cause you deep deep agony - let her go. Yep, seriously, let her go. Do not initiate contact, do not speak to her on fb...infact, block her news feed on fb. Show her what life is like without you, give her a chance to miss you and respect her wishes. If she misses you, she will return. If she does not, there is your answer.
sabienne Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 And take comfort in the fact that she has moved onto this guy so quickly - it's more than likely a rebound and won't last. As for her parents - well, you hurt their daughter. You can't expect them to be your biggest fan right niw, but give it time, and if there is a reconciliation, things will work out.
Author terra5 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 Thanks! Yes it is very confusing. She goes around in circles feeling hot for me than pulling back and being cold. When I saw her two weeks ago at the restaurant she was being very romantic afterwards again. Texting me thanking me for the night and she is laying there smelling like me. She still is romantic in the fb messages she sends. She makes comments that my profile pic is sexy. We were talking, but at times the conversation would twist to something negative. Then she goes to saying she is in new relationship and has to give this guy a chance. It is circular. I don't know what to do because I still love her. You're right I should give it time. Three weeks ago we tried that and limited contact. I would just send her a text or two a day, she would respond but not initiate. Then she did initiate about three days later saying how much she missed me. So yes I when I do limit the contact she ends up coming back in some way. We haven't really tried no contact except for the last two days. We stopped yesterday about 1pm. I haven't heard from her since, but I did order her Easter flowers a week ago she will be getting today. Otherwise I think you're right and I will do the no contact and see what happens. I am pretty sure she will initiate some sort of contact in the next few days. We haven't really tried not talking to each other before over the entire relationship, even when we were broken up. We have talked usually every night or every other night from yesterday till the day we met. I will see what happens and thanks for the advice.
Author terra5 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 She sent me a fb message last night; about a page and a half. Saying that everything reminds her of me. I posted one of my grad papers in my notes section of facebook for family to look at and she sent a critique of what she thought of it. She also sent a text message yesterday to say happy Easter. I didn't respond till today though to both the messages. She got the flowers and she loved me she said. It is confusing, she still can't seem to come back, but she can't let go. My reply's have been short to her messages and contact though. See what the next few days bring of NC.
sabienne Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Wow, she really is sending you mixed messages! That's not cool! Have you sat her down face to face and told her how serious you are about getting back together? Maybe try that. Tell her you want her back, and are committed to making it work, but if she chooses the other guy you are gone from her life. Give her a time limit too. Something like three days to think about it. Listen to her decision, and if she chooses you great. If she chooses the other guy or does not respond, go NC.
Fufu Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 A suggestion, you may want to ask her the ultimatum questions. Do you want to be with me? Do you want to work things out with me? if she says no, move on. if she say donno, I'm confused, I'm lost, move on too. Reason being: You wouldn't want to lose track of your life because of your ex gf's uncertainty in what she wants.
Author terra5 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 I have tried the ultimatum things. I think that might be a problem because I was controlling in the relationship too. I did tell her that and that I was serious, but she says she can't. I have let go, but we stay in contact one way or another. I am definitely not putting anything on hold since I am talking to another girl right now too. I still love her though and if it would work out I would choose her over anyone else. Last night we were intimate/sexual via Skype. Which I use to do with her a lot being that I was in school or gone away with the military. She said she felt bad about it at the end because we are not together, but she said she couldn't help it either. I reminded her of my feelings towards her and the obvious feelings she has to me. However, she says it can't, but she also says she is confused. The no contact things works for about a day or two before she or I will start talking or writing messages again. I know it is her parents that are being hostile about it. If she would give me a chance again it would be hostile for her at home. Also the fact that she is giving this new guy a chance; but I am pretty sure it is a rebound. I think more than anything she is confused and the situation is not pleasant with people close to her about the relationship. I give her plenty of space and time and we will see what happens. Though as time goes on now I can see her feelings starting to come around again. At the beginning she was animate about our break up and reminded me it was over. She now is interested wanting to see family albums and giving me feedback on things. A lot of the times she plays the girlfriend again and then catches herself and puts the wall up and tries to push me back. Yes, the no contact thing works miracles. We went no contact for like two days before she was sending messages again.
Author terra5 Posted May 4, 2011 Author Posted May 4, 2011 So we have come a long way and the only problem holding her back is her family. She wants to be with me, but she would have to have her family's permission to do so. It's a weird situation being she is 25 and she lives at home. Her parents pretty much control everything she has. So pleasing them is a priority in her life. However, we go a few days without contact she ends up breaking it. She did talk to her mom about losing me and how we have an emotional connection type of relationship. Right now her parents are just upset about the whole breakup and how things were. We have pretty much been talking everyday since the breakup. We go a couple days without contacting each other and then she or I breaks it. We are both in love, but have a hard time dealing with her family's approval of me. To me it is weird since I left home and been independent since I was 17. She is real close to her Mom and Dad. I don't which way to go about it since her parents are real stubborn about it. She doesn't want to leave home either and she doesn't want to lose me. However, the situation is keeping us apart. More time might be the best.
rayne05us Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Just ease into it...her parents just don't want her to get hurt again. After a while, once you both have established a better foundation. Talk to them and assure them that you realize what did was a mistake and accept responsibility for it. Let them know you're sure she's the one for you and you would be willing to earn back their trust again as well as hers over time.
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