Bettylou Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 I now know that I officially have drifted from my close friendship of my friend. We were friends since I was 12 and she was 11. I know it sounds silly but I remember the times we had together, the plans we shared and the guys we used to have crushes on etc. The times where we promised to be at each other's weddings and be each other's bridesmaid. Now our lives obviously have taken different paths. She moved and has made a few close friends and I still live in our town. Just today I looked at her profile page and one of her friend's wrote on her wall. "Can't wait for your birthday party. :D" When I read it I felt a pang of jealousy as she hasn't invited me to her party. In fact I have never visited her house in the city. We did meet up just before Christmas but it was mainly me doing the talking and all she cared about was how my boyfriend of six years was treating me and her engagement. The only time she did talk to me was retelling me in detail about her engagment. Every specific detail and that was it. She only saw me for an hour and she made a very lame excuse to leave early. It was then I knew our friendship has died. How do I get over this?
writergal Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 Don't dwell on the loss of your friendship. It ended for a reason. Sometimes that happens with lifelong friends. You will make more friends, don't worry. I read somewhere that friendships can fit into these categories: short term mid-term long-term lifelong Short term friendships last around 2 years then fizzle out. Usually there's no explanation as the friendship hasn't really gone pas the social acquaintance stage. It's annoying more than anything when these types of friendships end because you see the potential for longterm but if it never goes beyond occasionally seeing each other, then fizzles out, it wasn't a real friendship to begin with. Mid-term friendships last a little longer, to about 4 years. You've started to move past the social acquaintance, superficial niceties stage towards emotional intimacy but full-disclosure of your deepest darkest secrets has not been reached yet because "trust" is still being earned and established. If it ends around 4 years, then there's emotional pain because 4 years is a long time. Long-term friendships can last up to 5 to 10 years. Here's a friendship where you both have moved past all the stages to the point where you trust each other implicitly and accept each other's flaws with no problem. These are the friendships that feel as comfortable as a favorite sweater or pair of jeans. Both of you grow together and go through thick and thin. These friendships have the potential to turn into life-long friendships but sometimes all it takes is a small change in one of the friend's life to ruin the friendship forever. Losing a long-term friend feels like losing a part of yourself. Life-long friends are those people you grew up with. Life changes can but often don't affect these types of friendships because the bond is so strong between these two friends, who are more like siblings than long-term friends. When a lifelong frieindship ends, it feels like a death has occurred. And the only way to cope is to go through the grieving process.
whichwayisup Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 People grow apart and change. It isn't malcious or planned, it just happens. Also, life gets busy so distance can change friendships too..Making the effort to be intouch is harder as time goes on. That's no excuse but again, it happens. Do you want to keep the friendship going? If so, talk to her, tell her you miss her and hope to spend time with her again soon. Or if you don't and feel it's best to just let things die, happen as they will, don't do anything.. I assume you're invited to her wedding!!
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