Country_Girl Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 Okay, well I think I'm ready to start dating again, and there is this guy I haven't gone on a date yet with. We met last week, at a bar of all places (lol, the last place you should be looking)- but anyway, we had a really interesting conversation and he really stood out. I don't feel he was there to pick anyone up, he came with a buddy and it seemed like they were just there to meet up for a drink after work type of deal. We have texted sporatically (I think he's a pretty busy person and I have been working overtime all week)- so stupid me forgot sunday was easter a few days ago and asked if he wanted to hang out, obviousley he had plans with family. He said we'll meet up next week for sure. So, we haven't gone on a date yet. But I am already having doubts as I feel like he might be too good for me. That's my fault as I googled him and he is so accomplished! He has done some acting stints, owns a production company, assists in the production- all these great things. Now I am getting really nervous and I don't know if I can measure up! How do I shake this feeling and prevent it from ruining a first date?
musemaj11 Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 Chances are this guy is a player, as he should be.
Author Country_Girl Posted April 24, 2011 Author Posted April 24, 2011 Actually, he didn't give me that impression at all, he's very spiritual. I think I can read pretty well, and he didn't brag about any of these accomplishments, I had no idea of half the things about him till I checked out his website. He seems very genuine.
utterer of lies Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 Now I am getting really nervous and I don't know if I can measure up! How do I shake this feeling and prevent it from ruining a first date? You don't. First dates with shy and awkward girls are the best
musemaj11 Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 Actually, he didn't give me that impression at all, he's very spiritual. I think I can read pretty well, and he didn't brag about any of these accomplishments, I had no idea of half the things about him till I checked out his website. He seems very genuine. A successful guy who is not a player is a stupid guy. If your impression of him is right, then you just won yourself a lottery. Good luck.
iris219 Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 Are you saying you’re not accomplished? You obviously have a job you work hard at. Why is his job better than yours? I don’t understand what’s so great about what he does. It’s not like you said you found out he’s a top heart surgeon, or that he volunteers to help underprivileged children, or that he travels the world and climbs mountains. Maybe you’re nervous simply because you like him a lot. Instead of focusing on how he’s better (which, again, you haven’t explained), I’d focus on the great things I have to offer and why he’s lucky he gets to go out with me.
Author Country_Girl Posted April 24, 2011 Author Posted April 24, 2011 Are you saying you’re not accomplished? You obviously have a job you work hard at. Why is his job better than yours? I don’t understand what’s so great about what he does. It’s not like you said you found out he’s a top heart surgeon, or that he volunteers to help underprivileged children, or that he travels the world and climbs mountains. Maybe you’re nervous simply because you like him a lot. Instead of focusing on how he’s better (which, again, you haven’t explained), I’d focus on the great things I have to offer and why he’s lucky he gets to go out with me. Well, I just got burned from my last relationship that ended 4 months ago- I had sold everything to be with him and even relocated to his country. When we broke up I pretty much lost everything as I had all my things shipped there. The ex never wanted sex and always turned me down (due to porn addiction) and it really crushed my self esteem. We were also supposed to get married but he never filed the marriage license. I had to build back up from scratch, I was a destroyed, felt like a failure. I still have to rely on public transit to get places which makes me feel like a loser, but I won't have enough money for a car for about a year. My bills are pretty tight and I don't want to add a car loan on top of it, so I just stash away $150 a month. So, I guess I feel inadequate as I feel like my life is starting over, it's literally back to the drawing board for me- and here is this guy that has everything together. Does that make sense?
Nexus One Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 (edited) Well, I just got burned from my last relationship that ended 4 months ago- I had sold everything to be with him and even relocated to his country. When we broke up I pretty much lost everything as I had all my things shipped there. The ex never wanted sex and always turned me down (due to porn addiction) and it really crushed my self esteem. We were also supposed to get married but he never filed the marriage license. I had to build back up from scratch, I was a destroyed, felt like a failure. I still have to rely on public transit to get places which makes me feel like a loser, but I won't have enough money for a car for about a year. My bills are pretty tight and I don't want to add a car loan on top of it, so I just stash away $150 a month. So, I guess I feel inadequate as I feel like my life is starting over, it's literally back to the drawing board for me- and here is this guy that has everything together. Does that make sense? Yes it makes sense, but if there's one thing many if not most guys DON'T care about it's how much money you have/make. If a guy really likes you, he doesn't care about you not being at the pinnacle of success, he'll like you for you. You're worrying about something that is next to non-existent in the minds of men. Edited April 25, 2011 by Nexus One
daphne Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Yes it makes sense, but if there's one thing many if not most guys DON'T care about it's how much money you have/make. If a guy really likes you, he doesn't care about you not being at the pinnacle of success, he'll like you as long as you're hot and he's attracted to you. You're worrying about something that is next to non-existent in the minds of men. Here. I corrected that for you. Yeah, he's right. Guys care much less about your financial means and more about your looks.
Author Country_Girl Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 Yes it makes sense, but if there's one thing many if not most guys DON'T care about it's how much money you have/make. If a guy really likes you, he doesn't care about you not being at the pinnacle of success, he'll like you for you. You're worrying about something that is next to non-existent in the minds of men. Thanks for the feedback, it does make me feel better. I think women are the same way, don't get me wrong we all need some level of security- but I don't care what a guy does for a living so much as he enjoys it. I actually enjoy my job very much, it is retail- but I wouldn't say I'm embarrassed by it, there is plenty of opportunity to grow with the company. I'm more embarrassed by the fact that I don't have a car and I'm living with my brother until I get settled. It will be a good 6 months before I can move out as between the rent he charges and the money spent on transit is very expensive. I pay more now than I would if I actually rented an apartment by work- and I'm also trying to save for apartment furnishings. I would need everything at this point bed/couch/kitchen stuff. If it wasn't for those things I would just move out by work right now.
Enchanted Girl Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Here. I corrected that for you. Yeah, he's right. Guys care much less about your financial means and more about your looks. Haha. That's true. I took a year off of school and working and I thought men wouldn't date me because they would be mad at me for bumming off of people while I worked on my writing career, but that wasn't the case at all. XD
TuffCookieX Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I agree to the post that stated that you should focus on yourself and why he should be so lucky to go on a date with you. Even if you're an emotional wreck, try not to bring that up just yet. Guys are attracted to women who are happy with themselves. You can mention how you got burned and you're picking up the pieces, but don't make it seem like you need him as a crutch to get your act back together. Let him suggest when you see eachother too.
Nexus One Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 (edited) I would even go as far to say that financially successful women have a harder time finding a compatible man. First of all it takes a significant amount of time to make it to the top, second of all it takes a woman with a particular attitude to make it there. The ones I happen to know of have/had a hard time finding a man. They either had insufficient free time to date or were perceived by men as being very tough and strict. At first glance a tough attitude in a woman could indeed scare men away, because a tough attitude in a woman makes them look less feminine in the eyes of men and a strict attitude makes them look like a b*tch. However I'm of the opinion that it takes a while to get to know these kind of women in order to see them for who they really are. It takes some time before you can see through their thick layer of armor and see that the woman inside of them struggles with the very same issues that other women struggle with when it comes to men. I happen to know of a woman that left everything behind and moved to Russia after the fall of communism to start a business there on her own. Her business grew amazingly fast and she has made hundreds of millions and is now one of the richest women in the world. She also gives business advice to other people, many of those are women and they tend to perceive her as a b*tch. However, in my opinion women aren't actually listening to what's she telling them, she gives hardcore unsugarcoated advice that really changes their game. I get the idea women would take/accept such advice from men, but not from a fellow woman. They look at the style in which she's communicating the advice, rather than thoroughly considering what's she's actually saying. I think at first glance many men also perceive her as a b*tch, but they tend to turn around on that opinion after a while, because she makes a lot of sense business-wise and men then kind of are surprised that she thinks like they themselves do. Once you realize that as a guy, then you cannot have but a growing respect for her. In terms of looks she's average, but once you see through her armor and see her good intentions, it does make her more attractive. I'm not into esoteric stuff, but once you "get her" it's like her aura changes in your eyes and then you're able to see her true beauty and femininity. That being said I also think she has balls of steel for having done and accomplished what she did, balls of steel I tell you, like a modern day Amazon: http://bit.ly/gxbCFQ Edited April 25, 2011 by Nexus One
daphne Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Good post Nexus. I have wondered myself how to be good at what I do in a growing management role, yet not become a rigid bitch like one of my coworkers. She's heavy set and barks like a dog at people. No way I want to come across like that. I do feel myself at work becoming a bit shorter and stricter with people, because the friendlier, feminine side of me was getting eaten alive. People were pushing me around quite a bit until I started cracking the whip. Apparently, it's not really expertise that gets you respect. It's mental toughness and loudness. But I do not want to carry this over into my personal life. Sigh.
Author Country_Girl Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 Great responses guys, I really appreciate it. Nexus, I completely agree, I have met some overachieving women myself (some are good friends) that have had trouble forming relationships due to their success and independence. Tuffcookie, I completely agree, and despite what has happened in the past it no longer effects me emotionally- which is good because I know I won't come off as needing a crutch. I only really considered it because this will be my first date in months and was worried about my first impression! We still haven't set a date yet, all we know is sometime this week we will meet up. I told him I would text him my work schedule for the week tomorrow and he can pick whichever day/time works for him. I am feeling more confident about our date though, just because of how he is. We played a texting game today (I asked him questions from the book of questions) and I really liked his answers, he's a very deep thinker, very spiritual, and you can just tell has a big heart. At this point, I don't have a fear of rejection- and I can tell that if there isn't a connection he would at least make a great friend. I'm really excited! P.S. Awww he's so cute, right as I am typing this he texted me "sweet dreams". Wow, do I have a crush *blushing*!
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