newyork82 Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 I have been dating my bf (now ex) for 4 years. The first year was lovely, i was coming from a terrible relationship so i really bonded with him and was a bit scared of ever losing him. Then it started getting into his head. He started taking me for granted and saying things like he didnt know if he could marry me etc. Well, i still stayed. After three years, he suddenly decided he wanted to get married, and we went to see his parents, and planned to get married this Christmas. After we met his parents, he just changed. Started complaining about silly things, didnt like the way my mouth moved when i ate, didnt like the words i used to construct sentences, i would catch him giving me irritating looks when i was with him, and finally, started giving excuses when i wanted to come and see him. He would offend me and refuse to even beg, or send me a one line text saying sorry. Other times he would say i complained too much. Well, along with other things, and me finally being tired of treated like a pushover, i have broken up with him. And now its like all hell is let loose. I broke up with him on Friday morning. Now he is calling me almost 20 times a day(i refuse to pick), sending me texts and emails every 30 mionutes (literally), apologising that he never knew what he had, saying things he never said in the relationship. He hadnt said i love you in over three months. He is begging for a second chance, admitting he treated me like hell, and says i should please give him a chance. While i have never seen him this way, i am still worried.HAs this ever happened to any of you? Did you actually change after she gave you a 2nd chance? I love him, but honestly do not want to waste my time. I hardly believe people change,, i dont know if he can. Pls advise
Johnny85 Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 Did you ever suggest couples counseling? People do change; however, habits die hard. The characteristics that make him the man he is will not change. That is both a good thing and a bad thing. Obviously you still care for him (and his positive qualities); otherwise you wouldn't be asking for advice. But you are hesitating because you don't want the past to repeat itself. My advice is for you to follow your heart, you know that gut feeling you have about whether it is right or wrong for you. If you do decide to give him a second chance, it is absolutely essential that the two of you seek couples counseling. For the time being, I would give it some time and really think carefully about what to do. You are probably going to miss him during this period of time; make sure it just isn't the loneliness that is making you feel that way. Good luck!
Author newyork82 Posted April 24, 2011 Author Posted April 24, 2011 @Jonny, where i live in Africa, we dont have anything like couples counselling. the only people who counsel couples are pastors. And for personal reasons, i dont want any pastor counselling me for now, because i dont believe they are trained to do so. Plus the mentality here is than the man is always right.
loverboy1984 Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 I would give him a second chance. let him figure himself out and do NC for like 2wks and let his emotions settle and see if he still wants a chance. If he still wants you and you love him then yes. I was dumped by my ex and I realize now the stupid things I have done. and losing someone you love puts it into perspective. I know I wont be like that again.
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