bubbles1 Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 I am 24 years old. I haven't lived with my mom in a long time, if that's relevant. My mom met a random guy at work a while ago. She had been seeing him for a few weeks and found out that he was lying about where he was living and was cheating on her. (He told her he wasn't involved with anyone else.) My mom let him move in when he decided to pack his bags and TELL her he was moving in with her. He then left my mom and moved back in with the ex he had been living with before, that he'd been lying about. My mom tried to kill herself because he left her. When she got out of the psychiatric hospital he moved right on back in and they acted as if nothing ever happened. Finally, after all of that she decides to bring him to my home to meet me. I knew within the first 10 minutes that I did not like the man. He simply gave me the creeps. She starts calling me and telling me about how bad he treats her. She's not allowed to get out of bed until he does. So she has to lie in bed for hours until he gets awake. She's not allowed to talk to people and I'm not sure if that's people in general or just people he doesn't like. One night she said he punched a man and pushed the man's wife off of her bar stool for talking to her when he told her not to talk to them. He's destroyed things in her home when throwing a temper tantrum, including my PC monitor. He threw her phone and it just so happens that the phone bounced up and gave her a black eye. She's called me in the middle of the night crying and telling me that she's done with him. She said that he grabbed her throat and slammed her against the car window and then did it again that night while pulling her hair. She had bruises all over her yet "he didn't hit her" she says. She's told me that this guy has stolen someone's Christmas money out of their card and cigarette packs and money from his friends. He's drained her bank account dry continuously and tells her what to do with her money. She's been drinking heavily, driving drunk, and experimenting with drugs while being with him. These are just the examples off the top of my mind. Trust me there's a lot more even more disturbing things. To top it all off, all of this information I have on him comes from her yet she wants me to accept him. She told me a month ago that she was going to quit drinking. Whether or not that she did I don't know because I haven't heard from her. She doesn't come see me or her grandchild because she says I have isolated her. The most that I've gotten from her is an e-mail from her where she says that I am being unfair and haven't given her boyfriend a chance. (He is not allowed on my property. I don't trust the man around my family, home or myself.) She's told me that I HAVE to accept him because she loves him with all of her heart. I think we should be able to have a relationship around him, or for better words without him. Am I being unfair? Do I have to accept this creep or lose my mom? I am so very desperate for some advice. Please send me your thoughts!
Author bubbles1 Posted April 24, 2011 Author Posted April 24, 2011 They've been divorced for more than 10 years. I also want to add that she is now telling me how much her and her boyfriend have been getting along. How do I force myself to still accept him? Or do I?
AmEricanWomann Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 You have a family as you said, and their safety and wellbeing is your first priority. Tell your mom that you love her, and if she wants to visit you without him, she's welcome, but you feel he is dangerous and you are not going to jeopardize your family for him. This guy has manipulated your mom into thinking she's worthless and that he's the only one who could love her, that's why she's staying. Leave the door open for her, but again make it clear that he is not welcome. If she says that she wont come visit you without him, which BTW, might be more of his manipulations, he probably forbids her from even seeing family without him., let her know that you're sorry about that, but if that's what she chooses then she has made her choice. Tell her if she's still your mom, you still love her and if she chooses to ever leave him, she's always welcome in your home.
Author bubbles1 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 Thank you for your thoughts. I agree with you and I think that your opinion is quite like my own. It's just hard to back up my feelings when I know it's going to hurt her. I guess I just have to remember that he's hurting her worse. I'm only doing this because I love her and my family.
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