Timbo22 Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 What makes someone completely change their lifestyle? Literally overnight... My ex broke up with me out of the blue and I never saw it coming after 3 1/2 yrs. Its coming up on 3 months now and I've been NC for 2 weeks. 2 weeks ago she added me back on facebook and I accepted and then she started messaging me everyday. We caught up a little bit but what I found out was just sick. She tells me she has a ton of problems and all she does is party and get completely wasted every weekend. She has a new weird attitude almost like a I dont give a F*** attitude. She invited me to a party this coming weekend and told me she wants to get hammered so she doesn't remember anything because she has finals the following week. I was hesistant and I finally told her that It wouldn't be a could Idea and I dont want to talk to you anymore. I removed her off facebook and had to block her today because we have some of the same friends and she just talks about getting drunk..... This hurts so much, I shouldn't care because she left instead of trying to work thing out. Of course I was too controlling according to her. I only saw her on weekends because we lived a hour away and both went to school full time and worked during the week. So the only time we had was friday and saturday... And when I did come over we didnt do much because she had to study all the time and ENFORCED it. Well now shes drinking her problems away and her grades are slipping and now she might not get into med school. she told me that and a close friend was mad at her for trying to drink her problems away... Our relationship at the time might have been dull, but the only reason was because of how busy we both were at school. She knew how much I supported her. She was getting good grades with me and I would always keep her chin up. Now without me shes struggling... Going back to the short time we had together on the weekend, she would hardly talk about going out and doing anything because she had to study. I didn't mind because I loved her more then anything and I fully supported her. I could have said hey I'm going out with the guys tonight, but no I didn't, we had a short time together and I just wanted to be with her. She never realized how much I loved her. No only was I taken for granted, I probably took her for granted too. Everyone has problems, ours could have been worked out. As for me I feel alot better, I go out with friends on weekends and workout sunday through thursday. I'm focusing on ME and learning to love my self again....Dreams are the only setback's that I have, NOTHING IS WORSE THEN DREAMING ABOUT MAKING UP AND WAKING UP AND IT WASNT REAL. I have had 5 of those dreams. Other setbacks I have is when I meet other women and start comparing them to my ex. I know there is plenty of fish in the sea, I'm young (22) been told I was a brad pitt look alike...I have a great personality and tend to care about people too much. I try and go to church as much as possible and I pray. I just feel that no one will ever compare to my ex and her personality. but I guess thats because I was in a relationship for 3 1/2 years so i dont know. I hope its the case of the gigs for her but in the end I want everything to workout for her with or without me and I even told her that.... Big question? Will I ever here from her again?
cleansingtides Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 Wow. Story of my life man. Story of my life. Care about people too much? YES. Here's the thing. Sounds like besides in your dreams you've done quite an impressive job of transitioning. But I know there are still residual feelings. Only natural. She on the other hand has a drinking problem I can relate to girlfriends with this symptom. Stress of life can get to you and partying can relieve it, but everything in moderation. Maybe it's your absence that has caused it, but maybe not. My advice is send her one message that you know she'll receive. Say something simple. "I know we're not together anymore, but I'll always care about you. I'm worried that this excessive drinking is putting you down a drinking slope. I've know you've always criticized me for being controlling so I won't tell you what you should do. Just know that if you ever need help or someone to talk to I'm here for you."
Fufu Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 People do change over time. I too never saw it coming, my ex will choose to break up with me as well. However, this is the reality, no matter how harsh it is we have to accept it. Not accepting the reality is going to prolong our pain even longer. Move on
Author Timbo22 Posted April 24, 2011 Author Posted April 24, 2011 Yeah I hate caring too much, I dropped everything for this girl. I let her know how much I loved her and cared for her just to break her insecurities. She was very insecure and when I finally broke them with her she was so thankful and always told me how comfortable she was with me. She took that for granted big time... I just figured she was always to busy she couldn't focus alot of her time on me. It really didnt matter, our bond I thought was impenetrable.
Pens55 Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 This is kind of similar to my situation. There may be deeper problems than just drinking. There is a root cause to her behavior totally changing, and sometimes its not pretty. I hate to make a blind judgement, but I bet there is an emotional problem that boiled over on her end, causing her to drastically change for the worst. I've been though this with my ex, be careful..you might discover a pandora's box that you DO NOT want to open.
Author Timbo22 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 yeah so tides I sent her that message about drinking excessively and she just seems to be in complete denial about it. All in all she just seems like a lost cause no matter how much I care there is nothing I can do...
stephmichelle Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Wow, our stories are almost exactly the same. I'm 23. Together almost 3 1/2 years, goes to college 2 hours away, and broke up because he wants to be single and party everynight. He wound up dropping all of his classes except one because of how bad his grades are. He says drinking makes him feel better. I seriously believe he has a problem, drinking every single night is NOT normal, and his friends just encourage it. Also, just found out that he's talking to another girl, we've only been broken up 2 months. I don't have any advice really but I just wanted to let you know, you're not alone It sounds like you're doing everything right though - you're a lot stronger than me right now. I do think its GIGS for both of them. I think eventually after they're done getting ****faced everynight - we'll hear from them again - but I'm sure by then, we'll be moved on and not really care (I hope so anyways!).
Author Timbo22 Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 Wow, our stories are almost exactly the same. I'm 23. Together almost 3 1/2 years, goes to college 2 hours away, and broke up because he wants to be single and party everynight. He wound up dropping all of his classes except one because of how bad his grades are. He says drinking makes him feel better. I seriously believe he has a problem, drinking every single night is NOT normal, and his friends just encourage it. Also, just found out that he's talking to another girl, we've only been broken up 2 months. I don't have any advice really but I just wanted to let you know, you're not alone It sounds like you're doing everything right though - you're a lot stronger than me right now. I do think its GIGS for both of them. I think eventually after they're done getting ****faced everynight - we'll hear from them again - but I'm sure by then, we'll be moved on and not really care (I hope so anyways!). Yeah I actually found out my ex was seeing someone else to a month after our break-up. Turns out that didn't work out and I think shes seeing another... If she ever decides to come back Idk what I would do. Forgive and Forget? Who knows but I am starting to realize she took me for granted to much and thats not what I need.
flitzanu Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 only a month later? heck, as far as i can tell, my ex hopped in bed with another dude like the next day. of course girls are usually much more planning and precise about breakups, always about options.
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