cloud76 Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 I have done something bad..for 6 months..i am well aware. I need to end it...I feel like i am getting off a drug...I am so depressed....we are both married..all along i have been like, i need to stop..and now well it's become way too dramatic...i'm too emotional and it is starting to drain him and I..and I know it has to end...I don't know how> I am so depressed and afraid. I am very sad....yes I realize i have someone else. Who is very nice. Clearly something was missing to make me do this. First I need to stop. Then I can work on the rest. Stopping...i can't breathe. I need to function. And i can't. Please don't tell me how bad this is...I already know...I am very sad...and addicted to this person..who is clearly not good for me. I don't know how to start...I am afraid, and my poor husband must wonder why i am so depressed...but right now i need to find a way...i need to....please anyone...how do i stop crying...how do i stop the obsession. Cold turkey scares me. We both know it's ending.
BB07 Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 You will get more help in the infidelity section cloud since you are wanting to end your affair. Good luck!
Bigsmoke Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 First, you need to buy a vibrator. That will hwelp with the withdrawal(no pun intended). Then, just stop and tell your husband. Let him decide if he has any interest in remaining married.
White Flower Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 Cloud76, welcome to LS. Ignore the obvious haters and take only what you need. I'm an OW who was once a BW. I've seen both sides and will post with as much empathy and compassion that I can. What I see so far is that you seem to love your H, or at least care deeply, but you feel that you are addicted to your affair partner, (AP). Are you in love with AP? Is he in love with you? Do you see yourself divorcing or saving the M? It's easier to help if I know what you truly want and where you honestly think you can take all this. (((hugs)))
TurboGirl Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 Cloud, Wow I can relate. broke up with my xMM 2 months ago & cried for a few days in private. Understand... OK, you have a nice husband who does not need to know. YES that is my opinion and I am entitled to it. there will be many who say your husband has a right to know, but I don't believe that, especially if you are intending on staying married and dumping the MM and focusing on your husband. Want to be out of pain? I understand. End it with the MM, and you are going to have to suck it up and soldier on. Post here, you will get feedback... some helpful, some not, so ignore the haters. This sounds like an addiction to me, you are addicted to the good feelings that you have with the MM but also extremely guilty about it. Put yourself and your emotional well being first... much more important than sex, IMO. Tell MM it is over and stick to it, go NC. You will have to suffer through the pain for a bit, it will settle down, and force yourself to focus on YOU and YOUR life with your family, your work, your kids, anything to keep from going back to the MM. It is only 6 months, right? Not that long. End now and you will start feeling better much faster. Dig down inside and find the strength to end it. You can do it.
fooled once Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I have done something bad..for 6 months..i am well aware. I need to end it...I feel like i am getting off a drug...I am so depressed....we are both married..all along i have been like, i need to stop..and now well it's become way too dramatic...i'm too emotional and it is starting to drain him and I..and I know it has to end...I don't know how> I am so depressed and afraid. I am very sad....yes I realize i have someone else. Who is very nice. Clearly something was missing to make me do this. First I need to stop. Then I can work on the rest. Stopping...i can't breathe. I need to function. And i can't. Please don't tell me how bad this is...I already know...I am very sad...and addicted to this person..who is clearly not good for me. I don't know how to start...I am afraid, and my poor husband must wonder why i am so depressed...but right now i need to find a way...i need to....please anyone...how do i stop crying...how do i stop the obsession. Cold turkey scares me. We both know it's ending. I think you need to tell your H and get into some marital counseling. You state something was missing from your marriage....what? Are you blaming your H for your decision to cheat on him? That is on you. You need to own that. No matter what the state of the marriage is, there is never a 'good reason' to cheat. I really feel sorry for your H. Not only did his wife cheat on him, she is crying and depressed because she knows she has to end an affair and she doesn't want to. I'm sorry - I have no advice. I find your behavior selfish and self serving. I cannot believe you are walking around all sad and mopey and you haven't even ended the affair yet! You aren't addicted to a person. You are addicted to the thrill and secrecy of an affair. Putting the affair in the light will help you to get over it - let your H know what you have done so he can make a decision about HIS life (like you did with yours by having an affair).
carrie999 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I have done something bad..for 6 months..i am well aware. I need to end it...I feel like i am getting off a drug...I am so depressed....we are both married..all along i have been like, i need to stop..and now well it's become way too dramatic...i'm too emotional and it is starting to drain him and I..and I know it has to end...I don't know how> I am so depressed and afraid. I am very sad....yes I realize i have someone else. Who is very nice. Clearly something was missing to make me do this. First I need to stop. Then I can work on the rest. Stopping...i can't breathe. I need to function. And i can't. Please don't tell me how bad this is...I already know...I am very sad...and addicted to this person..who is clearly not good for me. I don't know how to start...I am afraid, and my poor husband must wonder why i am so depressed...but right now i need to find a way...i need to....please anyone...how do i stop crying...how do i stop the obsession. Cold turkey scares me. We both know it's ending. Okay, breathe. Take things one step at a time. It does sound to me like you really want to end this affair even if you're terrified of doing so. It's never easy to end a relationship, but it's better to end it when it's only been six months, not years. Already it's taking an emotional toll and draining you both. The split will cause pain in the short term, but hopefully spare much more in the long term. The next step is to figure out whether you want to stay in your marriage, and how to approach him about working on it together. He likely already suspects something is going on with you or with the marriage. I can't tell you whether or not to come clean with him. Most people here have very strong opinions about whether or not it's important to be completely transparent. If it was me and I wanted to stay with my husband, I would need to be completely honest in order to rebuild the relationship. If you decide to end things with your husband, while full disclosure may be the "right" thing to do (depending who you talk to), I don't think there's any reason to add to his pain if he doesn't know about the affair already. You have a lot to figure out. I hope you keep posting here for support and advice! (((((Hugs)))))
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