heartbrokengrl Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 I feel like everytime I hang out with my boyfriend, I over-analyze how the day went. Last night we were drinking at a bar, and I brought up our relationship. We've been together for almost 4 months (he's 27 I'm 25), we don't fight, we have lots of fun together. However, I know from his past relationship of 8 years with his ex-fiance really hurt him. He told me how everything is transcidental (sp?) and how everybody he meets here are just friends he will make in passing. He has plans to travel, and talked about he wants to move away in a couple years (he's kind of a hippie) and that the closest people to him are me and his best-friend that he lives with (he has many friends). I brought up sort of asking if he ever could fall in love with me, and he said something like this "that's something deep i dont want to discuss. ive been betrayed and hurt. I have a lot of fun with you and you make me happy. I want you to know that I really care about you and that you're special to me. I'm not with you just to have fun." He said that he'll always have a place for his ex-fiance because they were first loves/best friends and have family ties together but that when reality sets in, he could never be with her again. From the way he treats me, I feel that he really devotes himself to me, very respectful, affectionate and wants to do things with me. Then I said "I don't want to be someone's passing girlfriend while you're here" I never said that I expected him to be in love with me now, I was just wanting to see where he saw us since we don't discuss it very much. He's not the kind of guy who gets very emotional. Anyway, he then said that I had a job (I work in travel/hotel) that would allow me to leave with him when the time came, but that he would leave no matter what with or without me. He said that because he's been hurt in the past, he has a back up plan and that nothing would stop him from traveling. I didn't say I would go with him or not, we've only been together for 4 months and neither of us have discussed love (even tho he sends me love songs all the time) but from that conversation, I understood that he doesn't love me now and probably won't for awhile, or may not ever? It kind of makes me sad. I guess I've always been in a relationship where I felt secure and knew we had a future together. With him, I love spending everytime with him, but I feel like I may get hurt? I'm definitely going to stay with him because I do see us long term. I know that from the way he treats me, that should show me how he feels, but he did pretty much say he doesn't love me and that he doesn't have a place for that right now even though he's the best boyfriend ever!I'm just hoping within time, he will? I feel like I just over-analyze this thinking we are serious together now, but he would easily give that up if the time came for his move? We're still getting to know each other at 4 months, but we both are happy together, but how should I go about feeling like he may not ever have a place in his heart for me to love? I feel like his past relationship really pulled him back, which is understandable. I know there's nothing I can do except just to be with him and hope he can love me someday?
BiscuitXOXO Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 I don't think you are overanalyzing. It is good to step back at times to see where a relationship is headed. I don't know what will work for you and him. It is nice to see that he is independent and knows what he wants, but not so much that he doesn't want to commit to you and thinks that he will be perfectly find without you, whether he truly would be or not. I get the vague feeling that you have thought through your options and already have made a decision, especially reading your last sentences of the last two paragraphs. In the end, any decision is yours, and yours alone. Good luck
Recommended Posts