Wolf18 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 If you think 6 pack abs is what attracts women then why don't you work out and get some? [/Quote] Well for me it is possible and I have been working out a lot for the past month, but for a lot of guys with a demanding job don't have time to spend an hour a day working out just their abs. Others don't have the genetics to have the kind of 6 pack women like. Maybe because you realise it isn't quite that simple?[/Quote] It isn't , but it is like hunting with an AK47 compared to a spear. I know guys with 6 pack abs who, frankly, are about as sexually attractive as a plank of wood. Nothing between the ears ie zero personality, and far too self absorbed to make a good partner for any self-respecting woman! I'm not sure why the term 'shallow' is being mentioned. Everyone would like a partner they consider good looking, but nobody in their right mind would choose 6 pack abs over a man who is their best friend and is loyal, loving, respectful, affectionate, kind, generous and supportive - especially if that friend (no matter how good looking he is) can make you go weak at the knees when he smiles at you.[/Quote] I don't agree with this. There are millions of guys who fit that exact description, but are in the friendzone while the girl bangs some guy with a six pack. You don't have any loyal, respectful, kind, etc men in your life would never date? I don't believe you.
LittleTiger Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Please show me a peer reviewed scientific study that human beings choose mates based on pheremones. I will save you some time, there are none. All of the hypothesis about pheremones were never proven, because they most likely don't exist. I don't have a problem with women dating what they want, I have a problem when you blame us for it. It's not that you like a certain type of guy that looks a certain way, it's my pheremones. It's not that women will make conversation extremely easy with a "hot guy" by giggling like a little girl at every bomb he drops and being completely enthralled by him talking about football, they just have better social skills, etc etc. We honestly don't care about why or how you make your choices. The reason the guys on this forum all beat on the "women are shallow" dead horse, is that we won't get you to admit it even if we got the turkish government to torture you. If only you all just told the truth, you would save a lot of guys thousands of dollars at social skill seminars and pick up book scams. You're quite right, nobody has proved it yet - but there is evidence that is strongly in favour of it. There are many scientific theories that are not yet proven but still believed to be true. The brain and human chemicals are complicated things that we may never entirely understand. I'm sorry you guys all feel so aggrieved that women don't find you attractive but, if you honestly believe its all about looks then why not just make the best of what you've got? I've read so many threads on here about women only being interested in guys with pots of money, now it's only good looking guys with 6 pack abs. It seems to me that you're the ones who are making excuses for your failures. It is a fact that most people do find partners and most people are not good looking - so how do you explain that if personality isn't important? Personally, I have no reason to lie and I am being honest in my answers. Like everyone else I like good looking men, but I would never, ever choose a partner based on looks above personality - I'm just not that stupid.
TruthSetsYouFree Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Personally, I have no reason to lie and I am being honest in my answers. Like everyone else I like good looking men, but I would never, ever choose a partner based on looks above personality - I'm just not that stupid. I can tell you're being completely honest and open with what works for you. I think what a lot of the other posters here are getting at is that looks DO matter across the board. However, as was addressed before, in a long term relationship, the personality and compatibility has to be there as well. Most people won't start considering someone as a potential mate if the looks aspect isn't there. Yes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But I have never slept with a man or dated a man who I didn't find physically appealing in a major way. The ones I dated also had good personalities, hence the longevity of the relationship beyond just the bedroom. The ones that I simply slept with, I did so because they were hot. Their personalities weren't really a factor because our "arrangement" was mutually short-term. I know they didn't want to take me to bed for my personality, either. They did so because they thought I was hot. The ones that dated me thought I was hot AND enjoyed my personality. I have plenty of guy friends who have amazing personalities, but I am not physically attracted to them so our relationship stays platonic.
Professor X Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 There you go. You just proved my point. You have no idea what I look like and you don't care how good looking or 'hot' I am because you don't like my personality! Why do you put words in my mouth. I never said it's either. I've always said it's both. Difference is, when you initially meet someone, you get to check his physical appearance before you can check his personality - which takes a while. And while I myself say that physical appearance does matter, I can tell you my story: I've met my SO 2 years ago online. We've been chatting for about 2 months prior to us meeting and we've never seen one another before. Well, we've been together ever since. I got to know her "inner-self" prior to seeing her "out-self". I think she's gorgeous! Stunning really and I wouldn't trade her for anyone. Still, if we were to have met in real prior to knowing each other, things might have turned out differently (I'm a bit biased about her looks now, so it'd be arrogance to assume we'd find one another attractive assuming the given condition). And no, I didn't prove you by telling you my story, you have to keep in mind that stuff like what happened to me rarely happen at all (to fall for someone before seeing him).
LittleTiger Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I don't agree with this. There are millions of guys who fit that exact description, but are in the friendzone while the girl bangs some guy with a six pack. You don't have any loyal, respectful, kind, etc men in your life would never date? I don't believe you. On the contrary, there are very, very few guys who fit that description (just as there are very few with 6 pack abs) - at least in my experience - and the ones I have met, who I thought fitted the bill, I've had romantic relationships with. Unfortunately, most of them turned out to be not quite as loyal, respectful, kind etc as they first portrayed themselves to be. Of course there are men I like as people who I would never date - because I don't find them sexy. Why don't I find them sexy? Who knows for sure? The way they smell, the way they move, the sound of their voice? Pheromones?
LittleTiger Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Why do you put words in my mouth. I never said it's either. I've always said it's both. OK, my apologies. I obviously misunderstood or misread your posts. Difference is, when you initially meet someone, you get to check his physical appearance before you can check his personality - which takes a while. Agreed, but for some of us, myself included, even when the looks aren't there, the attraction can grow from discovering a great personality under a not so great face or body. So personality overides looks. And while I myself say that physical appearance does matter, I can tell you my story: I've met my SO 2 years ago online. We've been chatting for about 2 months prior to us meeting and we've never seen one another before. Well, we've been together ever since. I got to know her "inner-self" prior to seeing her "out-self". I think she's gorgeous! Stunning really and I wouldn't trade her for anyone. Still, if we were to have met in real prior to knowing each other, things might have turned out differently (I'm a bit biased about her looks now, so it'd be arrogance to assume we'd find one another attractive assuming the given condition). And no, I didn't prove you by telling you my story, you have to keep in mind that stuff like what happened to me rarely happen at all (to fall for someone before seeing him). You fell for your SO before you knew what she looked like? Then either you're my SO (I wouldn't put it past him as he knows my identity on here ) or what happened to you isn't as rare as you think - I have the exact same story. In fact, if you read the LDR forum, you'll see there are a number of similar stories on there too - usually people exchange photos or talk on skype before meeting IRL, but in a lot of cases the attraction is intially based soley on verbal exchange.
LittleTiger Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 You can hardly explain what a ****ing phermone is. I thought I explained it fairly well in simple terms. If you want something more detailed you could perhaps look it up in a dictionary or even on your computer! If this one-liner is how you normally respond to women then I don't think it matters much whether you have pheromones or not, or even if they exist. You could be the best looking guy on the planet too but I'm pretty certain that most women would find this kind of response extremely unattractive.
LittleTiger Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 It was the ****ing phermones. No, it was the personality.........and sometimes, when these people meet IRL, there is no sexual chemistry (pheromones) and they become good friends instead of lovers. PS: If you're keen to attract women, you might want to stop swearing so much.
Professor X Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 You fell for your SO before you knew what she looked like? Then either you're my SO (I wouldn't put it past him as he knows my identity on here ) or what happened to you isn't as rare as you think - I have the exact same story. In fact, if you read the LDR forum, you'll see there are a number of similar stories on there too - usually people exchange photos or talk on skype before meeting IRL, but in a lot of cases the attraction is intially based soley on verbal exchange. I am afraid I am not your SO... Or am I? ;) I am not sure how many of those people in the LDR forum actually get to develop strong emotions only via verbal exchanges. Sure, they exchange photos eventually and afterwards meet, which might then lead to a RS. But in my case we've kinda fell for one another prior to even exchanging photos (which we did shortly before we met, so we'll recognize one another). So you see, I am not such a bad person (am I seeing you retracting your barge-pole? ;) ) Regardless, I stand by what I said. P.S. RP39 is starting to smell like a troll.
BiscuitXOXO Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 She wont answer my question. Can phermones on some guys repel all women? Yes.
Professor X Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 She wont answer my question. Can phermones on some guys repel all women? Pheromones** were never proven to exist in humans. So how can anyone answer you that.
LittleTiger Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Is it possible this my phermones repel all woman? Answer that. Who knows? I guess it could be possible, but I would think unlikely. Pheromones are believed to be related to the immune system ie we're attracted to people with a very different immune system to our own so that our offspring has the benefit of inheriting both sets of genes and therefore maximum immunity - that's the theory anyway. (Yes, I admit, it's an unproven theory, but one that I happen to support). I can't imagine that any man has such a massively ranging immune system that no woman on the planet has a different one. You have no control over chemistry anyway, so work on the things you can control. Get fit, get 6 pack abs (if you believe they're important) and work on your social skills and your confidence. There are no guarantees that any one of us will meet Mr or Ms Right but there's no harm in being the best person you can be. PS: You might want to work on that impatient streak for a start
BiscuitXOXO Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 How do you know this? You're a loser pile of crap too. I hate Austin too. The whole state of Texas is a piece of crap. Touchy! I was jking. Loosen up. Live a little.
MissJoness Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I've seen women date ugly men because they have a lot of money and a personality that is tolerable--look at Jay Z and Biggie Smalls--neither are GQ looking models but could have any woman they want. They had swag
BiscuitXOXO Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 The confidence is all gone. No relationships at 39 does not inspire confidence. Why do you want a relationship so bad anyways? It seems to be consuming you. The time you use throwing pity parties could be used to improve yourself and find satisfaction outside of finding a woman. If you aren't satisfied while single, you will not be satisfied within a relationship. It's not that you shouldn't actively seek a partner, but you shouldn't let it control your life.
windows Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 Why do you want a relationship so bad anyways? It seems to be consuming you. The time you use throwing pity parties could be used to improve yourself and find satisfaction outside of finding a woman. If you aren't satisfied while single, you will not be satisfied within a relationship. It's not that you shouldn't actively seek a partner, but you shouldn't let it control your life. This isn't a bunch of crap. Searching too hard is what disillusions us over relationships. I used to think, "IF I could be with HER I would be happy and it would solve all my problems". Now really? In what way would being with someone magically solve my problems? Sure it hurts, but grow a pair! Nothing worse than a man lamenting his confidence and lack of relationships. Its catch-22 for you. You need confidence to find a relationship and you seem to need a relationship to get confidence. How about finding your confidence outside of a relationship?
LittleTiger Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I am afraid I am not your SO... Or am I? ;) You'd better not be or you're in big trouble! I am not sure how many of those people in the LDR forum actually get to develop strong emotions only via verbal exchanges. Sure, they exchange photos eventually and afterwards meet, which might then lead to a RS. But in my case we've kinda fell for one another prior to even exchanging photos (which we did shortly before we met, so we'll recognize one another). Same here, and obviously you're not my SO - the first time he saw my face was when we met at the airport after he travelled 12,000 miles to meet me - did I mention I'm attracted to risk takers? I do think a lot of the LDR people have strong feelings through chatting on forums and gaming sites without any visuals to go on. However, as I've already said, sometimes the feelings don't translate into RL physical attraction because the chemistry just isn't there (sorry but I still believe in pheromones!) So you see, I am not such a bad person (am I seeing you retracting your barge-pole? ;) ) I never said you were a bad person. What I said was that I didn't find your online personality attractive and therefore wouldn't be attracted to you no matter what you looked like. Now - well, yes, I am retracting the barge-pole slightly and that illustrates my point even further. I may be one of very few woman who genuinely think this way but personality really is more important to me. I still have no idea what you look like, but I admit that your more recent posts paint you as more attractive than you appeared earlier in this thread. P.S. RP39 is starting to smell like a troll. Agreed!
BiscuitXOXO Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 I do think a lot of the LDR people have strong feelings through chatting on forums and gaming sites without any visuals to go on. However, as I've already said, sometimes the feelings don't translate into RL physical attraction because the chemistry just isn't there (sorry but I still believe in pheromones!) I may be one of very few woman who genuinely think this way but personality really is more important to me. I completely agree! Sometimes I meet someone briefly, we become Facebook friends and chat, we talk a bit, like each other's personalities, go on a date, and it just falls flat. But personality and physical compatibility are both equally important to me. If I can't stand them, I ditch. If I can't see myself sleeping with them, I ditch. I tend to make these decisions very quickly; within an hour or so of association. Recently I've been wondering if I make my mind up too fast. Or is this normal?
Professor X Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 You'd better not be or you're in big trouble! I'm sure your SO would "hate" that :p:p:laugh:
LittleTiger Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 What losers You're doing yourself no favours RP39. Whatever the conclusion to this thread, personality is important in relationships and you're not coming across well on here so far. If you come across the same way IRL then this might be your problem.
NoMagicBullet Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Does a guys personality make him hot to you. I mean if you had a Brad Pit type and a Jim Carrey type that you hung out with would you go for the fun, funny guy if he wasn't dead ugly? It needs to be a combo of both -- better to have a decent mix of looks and personality than be one extreme of the other. And both have to be right for that specific person. Brad Pitt's looks and Jim Carrey's humor don't really work for me, and I wouldn't be interested in dating either one. But Jon Stewart -- now there's a mix of looks and humor that I find attractive! So in the example you gave, I'd pass on both and find someone who's got looks, humor, intelligence, personality and character that is attractive to me. Kind of like Goldilocks -- not too [extreme #1], not too [extreme #2], but just right for me.
orangelady Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 (edited) This isn't a bunch of crap. Searching too hard is what disillusions us over relationships. I used to think, "IF I could be with HER I would be happy and it would solve all my problems". Now really? In what way would being with someone magically solve my problems? Sure it hurts, but grow a pair! Nothing worse than a man lamenting his confidence and lack of relationships. Its catch-22 for you. You need confidence to find a relationship and you seem to need a relationship to get confidence. How about finding your confidence outside of a relationship? Well, relax everyone. I don't think RP39 is a troll, I think he's just very down and frustrated. I have to say, that I once used to be happy without a SO but now as I am older, I really do long for someone other than just friends and my microwave. It gets to the point that I experience a kind of sadness inside me that is unexplainable and a feeling of hopelessness that I may never find someone. Friends are fantastic but there is no intimacy that exists between two people that are in a relationship. There are things that I'd really like to share with someone that I can't share with a friend or my mother/father and when I think about it, it does bother me. I think a lot of us are at different phases in life and it is hard being single depending on your type of personality. Some do fine, some get a little lonely. And I think we are all here to help each other out and not taunt each other about "Why can't you be happy without someone? Why can't you have confidence if nobody wants you?" Although that is ideal, but obviously it is a problem for some. I have read a lot of posts on here how people crash just because of a break up or some other matter and that goes to show that having someone is a big deal. So please go easy on those who are single and those who don't have a SO. It is a very different experience for those who have had relationships and those who have none at all. Edited April 26, 2011 by orangelady
LittleTiger Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Well, relax everyone. I don't think RP39 is a troll, I think he's just very down and frustrated. I have to say, that I once used to be happy without a SO but now as I am older, I really do long for someone other than just friends and my microwave. It gets to the point that I experience a kind of sadness inside me that is unexplainable and a feeling of hopelessness that I may never find someone. Friends are fantastic but there is no intimacy that exists between two people that are in a relationship. A lot of things that are part of me that are intimate that I can't express to friends that I would only express to a SO. I think a lot of us are at different phases in life and it is hard being single depending on your type of personality. Some do fine, some get a little lonely. And I think we are all here to help each other out and not taunt each other about "Why can't you be happy without someone? Why can't you have confidence if nobody wants you?" Although that is ideal, but obviously it is a problem for some. I have read a lot of posts on here how people crash just because of a break up or some other matter and that goes to show that it is a big deal. So please go easy on those who are single and those who don't have a SO. It is very different experience for those who have had relationships and those who have none at all. I completely agree with you orangelady. However, when somebody comes on here (not just this thread I've noticed) swearing at everybody and getting annoyed that nobody can solve his problems, there is little any of us can do to help. I have suggested that he works on his personality which, from everything he's posted on LS so far, is a little lacking in finesse if nothing else. He may be the best looking, kindest and most sincere man on the planet, but with his current attitude, women will run a mile. I have offered that advice in a genuine attempt to help and I hope that he will takes it in the way I intended. FTR - posting inflammatory one-liners on a message board is technically trolling - and he posted 84 such posts in just one day (though admittedly not all one-liners)! If RP39 would like to share his story and his issues in a thread of his own, without resorting to offensive one-liners, I'm sure some people here would be happy to offer our advice. Sorry for the TJ, OP.
Lilmisus Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Is it possible this my phermones repel all woman? Answer that. Don't worry about pheromones, as I highly doubt they have anything to do with you not being able to find someone to date. Not finding someone, is very frustrating, and I could imagine it being much more so at 39, and I'm sorry that you haven't, but even considering putting the blame on pheromones or anything along those lines, is ridiculous. The thing is this: women want someone who carries themselves well, who has a great personality, and who they find physically attractive. Doesn't mean that you have to be handsome or that you have to have a grade A personality, you just have to be well suited for that woman. If I were you, I'd consider following some of the advice here. You're 39, so you have to ask yourself what you've done wrong thus far to make it to where you haven't been in a relationship. Are you obese? Do you still sport the same hairstyle that you have for 10 years? Could you work harder on your personal grooming? Do you wear glasses that hide your positive facial features too much? Do you have nice or lacking fashion sense? Do you put yourself out there? How about online dating? Or going to the bar every now and then? The thing is this: if what you're doing is failing for you, try something else. If you think it's your weight...start dieting and going to the gym. If it's your fashion sense, you could always post a thread on here asking for people to give you tips on how to attract more women, or you could google it or ask a friend for advice. If it's that you don't put yourself out there enough, start trying to. But the absolute key thing, which you said that you no longer have, is confidence. Without it, no women will want you, unless it's only for sex, and even then, many are picky. Try to come up with a way to boost your confidence up, even if it's by meeting someone online, and forming an online relationship with them. Maybe even try moving to shake things up a bit and introduce yourself to a new horizon of people to date. You have the capability of finding someone to be in a relationship with, even if you're 39 and yet to find someone and have given up hope. May not feel like it, but I gots faith in ya
Eeyore79 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I require a minimum standard of looks before I can possibly be interested in a guy; if you're hideously ugly then it's irrelevant how great your personality is. But once a guy meets that minimum standard of looks (which isn't actually that high) then other factors become more important; humor, confidence, compatibility, decency, how successful he is, etc. I'd prefer an ok looking guy with a great personality and a successful career to a handsome guy who's boring and incompatible and/or a loser. No matter how handsome a guy is, I'll rule him out if he isn't up to scratch on the other criteria. I could even be convinced to lower my "good looks" criteria slightly if a guy was absolutely amazing in other ways; the "good looks" threshold is somewhat flexible (although if a guy is truly hideous he still has no chance because I won't lower my standards that far!).
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