Is personality more important than looks ladies?

[Far&Away]

I am not attracted to ugly men, and I am not attracted to pretty boys. I like men a bit rough around the edges. But he must be clean and hygenic.

 

I am more attracted to personality.

 

I like a man who knows when to be serious and when to have fun.

 

I like a man who knows when to step up and take charge.

 

I like a man who knows when not to back down.

 

I like a man who does not let any one walk all over him, and only lets people treat him with respect. So no pushovers.

 

However he must be kind hearted and loving and allways be considerate.

 

He has to have the balance right.

[Ruby Slippers]

My very first boyfriend was gorgeous, but kind of an idiot and pretty out of touch with what matters. Very quickly, that opened my eyes to how hollow a pretty cover can be.

 

Of course, we'd all like our men to be as sexy and good-looking as possible.

 

But I'm never going to compromise on the things that really matter -- integrity, compassion, intelligence, passion -- just to waste some time with a looker.

[orangelady]

My very first boyfriend was gorgeous, but kind of an idiot and pretty out of touch with what matters. Very quickly, that opened my eyes to how hollow a pretty cover can be.

 

Of course, we'd all like our men to be as sexy and good-looking as possible.

 

But I'm never going to compromise on the things that really matter -- integrity, compassion, intelligence, passion -- just to waste some time with a looker.

 

even though he looks like Danny De Vito?

[Saraswati57]

Not just Danny De Vito, but him dressed up like the Penguin lol.

[LittleTiger]

With how many ugly people have you dated? 0? Thank you.

Fact is, you would never approach an ugly person in hopes he's pretty on the inside.

But you would approach a pretty person in hopes he's pretty on the inside as well.

 

And before you tell me that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, please, spare yourself the humiliation. We all know it to be true. It still doesn't change the fact that we're all attracted firstly to the others outer appearance.

 

Blind people as an example? Really? So the people who overlook appearance are those who by default can't see it? Great example there sherlock.

Blind people can't see colors, it doesn't mean colors don't exist or mean nothing. /facepalm

 

You think you're so different? Show us with how many truly ugly people you've been intimate with, yet they had superb personality.

 

There you go again - such arrogance! Presumably you're male, in which case you might want to stop assuming you know more about how women think than we do ourselves. Obviously some women will agree with you, but there are many who don't - to assume otherwise is a most unattractive quality.

 

To illustrate my point - based on what you've written in this thread, if you turned out to be the best looking man I'd ever seen (and the pheromones were all in favour of a match), I wouldn't touch someone like you with a barge-pole......I have no doubt you think the same of me. Major clash of personalities you see - and if you can find someone unattractive based on personality, you can also find them attractive for the same reason.

 

Since you ask - I had a 3 year relationship with a man most people would consider 'ugly' because he was, and still is, one of the best people I've ever met and he was incredibly sexy. People who saw us together, but didn't know him, would ask 'why? - what the hell do you see in him?!' - because sex appeal and romance is not about looks - that's why. My girlfriends who knew him, didn't even need to ask what the attraction was - it was obvious!

 

I also had a FWB who was not exactly 'ugly' but by anybody's standards was not great looking - he was however 'sex on legs', with sex appeal oozing out of every pore of his body - and he had women falling at his feet!

 

That was also my point about blind people, which you chose to twist. Blind people do not experience an appreciation of colour, but they do experience sexual attraction - because sexual attraction is not about looks!

 

Obviously it's impossible for me to prove any of this to you but I'd appreciate it if you would stop making sweeping generalisations about the entire female gender and their preferences. We have no reason to lie or be hypocritical on an anonymous board.

 

'Ugly' men can be very sexy - and before you twist my words again - I am not talking about someone who weighs 400lbs, never washes, has a mouth full of rotten teeth and a face covered in acne and boils. There are only a miniscule number of people on this planet in that category and there is nothing 'sexy' about someone who has zero self esteem (whether they look like a troll or an adonis).

 

As I said earlier sexual attraction is based on pheromones not on how 'pretty' someone's face is - if it wasn't, all the not great looking people would have died out long ago with natural selection turning the human race into one of physical perfection.

 

Some people are attracted firstly to outer appearance not ALL. My current partner was very strongly attracted to me before he even knew what I looked like - long story but feel free to look through my posts to find it - I doubt very much you'd be interested as you obviously aren't prepared to consider other possibilities.

 

I haven't denied that most of us would prefer good looking partners but this thread is about the importance of looks and personality. I always choose men based on personality and so does every other woman, whatever they say. Even men will ditch a 'hot' chick if she doesn't have the right personality. If human beings weren't discerning in this way, the first person we meet who we are mutually attracted to, would become our partner for life - and there would be no such thing as break-ups or divorce.

 

Looks are just one element in the law of attraction and, despite your insistence that they are 'the be all and end all', they're more important for some than for others. Ultimately, in most successful partnerings, it's pheromones that bring us together and personality that decides who is attractive enough to keep us hanging around long term.

[RP39]

I am not attracted to ugly men, and I am not attracted to pretty boys. I like men a bit rough around the edges. But he must be clean and hygenic.

 

I am more attracted to personality.

 

I like a man who knows when to be serious and when to have fun.

 

I like a man who knows when to step up and take charge.

 

I like a man who knows when not to back down.

 

I like a man who does not let any one walk all over him, and only lets people treat him with respect. So no pushovers.

 

However he must be kind hearted and loving and allways be considerate.

 

He has to have the balance right.

You can eliminate me on almost every point. So can the rest of you.

[zengirl]

There you go again - such arrogance! Presumably you're male, in which case you might want to stop assuming you know more about how women think than we do ourselves. Obviously some women will agree with you, but there are many who don't - to assume otherwise is a most unattractive quality.

 

To illustrate my point - based on what you've written in this thread, if you turned out to be the best looking man I'd ever seen (and the pheromones were all in favour of a match), I wouldn't touch someone like you with a barge-pole......I have no doubt you think the same of me. Major clash of personalities you see - and if you can find someone unattractive based on personality, you can also find them attractive for the same reason.

 

Since you ask - I had a 3 year relationship with a man most people would consider 'ugly' because he was, and still is, one of the best people I've ever met and he was incredibly sexy. People who saw us together, but didn't know him, would ask 'why? - what the hell do you see in him?!' - because sex appeal and romance is not about looks - that's why. My girlfriends who knew him, didn't even need to ask what the attraction was - it was obvious!

 

I also had a FWB who was not exactly 'ugly' but by anybody's standards was not great looking - he was however 'sex on legs', with sex appeal oozing out of every pore of his body - and he had women falling at his feet!

 

That was also my point about blind people, which you chose to twist. Blind people do not experience an appreciation of colour, but they do experience sexual attraction - because sexual attraction is not about looks!

 

Obviously it's impossible for me to prove any of this to you but I'd appreciate it if you would stop making sweeping generalisations about the entire female gender and their preferences. We have no reason to lie or be hypocritical on an anonymous board.

 

'Ugly' men can be very sexy - and before you twist my words again - I am not talking about someone who weighs 400lbs, never washes, has a mouth full of rotten teeth and a face covered in acne and boils. There are only a miniscule number of people on this planet in that category and there is nothing 'sexy' about someone who has zero self esteem (whether they look like a troll or an adonis).

 

As I said earlier sexual attraction is based on pheromones not on how 'pretty' someone's face is - if it wasn't, all the not great looking people would have died out long ago with natural selection turning the human race into one of physical perfection.

 

Some people are attracted firstly to outer appearance not ALL. My current partner was very strongly attracted to me before he even knew what I looked like - long story but feel free to look through my posts to find it - I doubt very much you'd be interested as you obviously aren't prepared to consider other possibilities.

 

I haven't denied that most of us would prefer good looking partners but this thread is about the importance of looks and personality. I always choose men based on personality and so does every other woman, whatever they say. Even men will ditch a 'hot' chick if she doesn't have the right personality. If human beings weren't discerning in this way, the first person we meet who we are mutually attracted to, would become our partner for life - and there would be no such thing as break-ups or divorce.

 

Looks are just one element in the law of attraction and, despite your insistence that they are 'the be all and end all', they're more important for some than for others. Ultimately, in most successful partnerings, it's pheromones that bring us together and personality that decides who is attractive enough to keep us hanging around long term.

 

I think this is pretty much bang on, particularly the bolded part.

[RP39]

Ultimately, in most successful partnerings, it's pheromones that bring us together and personality that decides who is attractive enough to keep us hanging around long term.

What is a pheromone? I must not have any given my failure rate.

[Darren Taylor]

Looks matter more, personality just keeps the relationship going. If a woman is attracted to you, you can pretty much do no wrong. If she's attracted to you right from the start and you have a good personality, you're good to go. If you're average-below average looking, you could have the best personality in the world. Personality does not equal physical attraction and without PA, nothing else will happen.

[TruthSetsYouFree]

I am a woman and I will admit that looks DO matter. I personally don't know a single female who would say that they don't matter. Personality is important, too, of course. But a guy's looks are what is going to get the ball rolling. If I don't find you physically attractive, no matter how great your personality is, you will remain in the friend zone.

[PJKino]

Looks matter more, personality just keeps the relationship going. If a woman is attracted to you, you can pretty much do no wrong. If she's attracted to you right from the start and you have a good personality, you're good to go. If you're average-below average looking, you could have the best personality in the world. Personality does not equal physical attraction and without PA, nothing else will happen.

 

Bingo..If theres no physical attraction towards you at all from her it doesnt matter how funny you are or great your personality is you are not getting anywhere..

[TruthSetsYouFree]

Bingo..If theres no physical attraction towards you at all from her it doesnt matter how funny you are or great your personality is you are not getting anywhere..

 

THIS. If a guy is hot/handsome/gorgeous, he is a potential to just have sex with. If a guy is hot/handsome/gorgeous AND has a killer personality, he is good to have sex with and possibly to have a relationship with. In both circumstances, however, looks matter significantly.

[PJKino]

THIS. If a guy is hot/handsome/gorgeous, he is a potential to just have sex with. If a guy is hot/handsome/gorgeous AND has a killer personality, he is good to have sex with and possibly to have a relationship with. In both circumstances, however, looks matter significantly.

 

I agree..not blaming women for it were all shallow and superfical but women seem to have a more hard time admittign it then Men it and making excuses or using womenspeak words to hide the fact how important looks are to them..

[LittleTiger]

I am a woman and I will admit that looks DO matter. I personally don't know a single female who would say that they don't matter. Personality is important, too, of course. But a guy's looks are what is going to get the ball rolling. If I don't find you physically attractive, no matter how great your personality is, you will remain in the friend zone.

 

Bingo..If theres no physical attraction towards you at all from her it doesnt matter how funny you are or great your personality is you are not getting anywhere..

 

Nobody said that looks don't matter.

 

Looks play a part only in helping us determine who is physically healthy and fertile. Things like facial symmetry in both genders, waist to hip ratio in women and broad shoulders/narrow hips in men are indicators of reproductive capability - hence a universal leaning towards what consitutes 'good looking' and why we'd all prefer a 'good looking' partner.

 

However, even then, it's pheromones that create physical attraction NOT looks. Pheromones tell us which people our immune system is compatible with and therefore, who we are best mating with. It's partly the pheromones that determine who we find 'good looking' in the first place. One man's meat and all that.

 

I can honestly say that I've never been attracted to a single one of my friends partners - even though they think they're the hottest thing on two legs. You all seem to be ignoring the part biology plays in determining who you find attractive.

 

The question was 'Is personality more important than looks?' but it didn't say in what context. I'm assuming that most people in the dating section are looking for long term partners rather than one night stands and, in that case, personality is considerably more important than looks - for both men and women.

 

I'm astounded that so many of you are denying what seems blatantly obvious to me.

[Wolf18]

Give me a break with the pheremones crap. Show me one peer reviewed scientific study (no, cosmo doesn't count) that proves humans mate based on pheremones. Yeah, if a male model is at a club women will be dying to smell him, but if I stopped wearing deodarant or pissed my pants before a date (places where pseudo-scientists and womens magazines claim pheremones come from) it wouldn't get me anywhere.

 

You didn't date an ugly guy because of his pheremones, you dated him because chances are he wasn't that ugly, or he made up for it in another way like having an amazing body, a large penis, or a lot of money. Just like a woman who is ugly can get a good looking boyfriend by having an amazing body or a huge rack.

 

Do some of you girls really believe the stuff you say? I know for a fact that women like to delude themselves into thinking they're not shallow and look for such deep attributes, when they are in reality just like everyone else in this superficial consumer effeminate society in practice.

 

I think all us guys can relate when I say that a lot of the guys who get all the girls often times are dumber than average (think backwards baseball caps and frat shirts).

 

I can't tell you how many times i've seen some retard at a party surrounded by crowds of girls , and having them all erupt in laughter when he interjects with "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID" . I'm sure any woman who dates him will say "Oh yeah, Chad's got a great sense of humor, he's the funniest guy I know, I'm dating him for that!", it's not that chad is actually interesting or funny, it's that he has huge biceps and you are attracted to him but you feel weird and stupid saying youre just dating him for his muscles.

[PJKino]

What is a pheromone? I must have none.

 

Another womenspeak excuse to try to not come off shallow

 

Amazing how all these good looking guys with 6 pick abs carry these "phermones"

[Wolf18]

So girls, go live off in your fantasy land of "pheremones" and poopoo and peepee joke makers that you claim have a great sense of humor, but you won't be fooling anyone, any man with two eyes and ears who goes out enough will see that relationships and sex are 75% about looks.

[PJKino]

What is a pheromone? I must have none.

 

............oops

[LittleTiger]

What is a pheromone? I must have none.

 

Pheromones are chemicals given off by animals (esp mammals) which have an unconscious effect on other members of their species.

 

They play a large part in sexual attraction for humans and can attract us to someone or repel us. Evidence shows that this is to ensure we mate with people who have an entirely different immune system and our offspring will therefore have the largest chance of survival.

 

You do have pheromones. We all have them. If you're not successful with women, assuming you're not in the morbidly obese with rotten teeth brigade that I mentioned before, improving your social skills and your confidence ie making sure you have an attractive personality, should improve your chances with women considerably.

[TruthSetsYouFree]

Speaking to the pheromone aspect, I do believe that there is SOME dash of this in attraction. However, it is minimal. A good looking man is going to turn my head, is going to make me wonder what he might be like in bed - NOT his natural male pheromones. Across a crowded room, the bar, at a party it's his looks that are going to catch my attention and make me want to know more. So I have to side with the guys on this one (speaking as a woman) that looks matter as much to women as they do to men, although women seem to like to deny this... for some reason. Obviously there are men out there who know what b.s. it is when women deny that looks matter to them.

[Wolf18]

Pheromones are chemicals given off by animals (esp mammals) which have an unconscious effect on other members of their species.

 

They play a large part in sexual attraction for humans and can attract us to someone or repel us. Evidence shows that this is to ensure we mate with people who have an entirely different immune system and our offspring will therefore have the largest chance of survival.

 

You do have pheromones. We all have them. If you're not successful with women, assuming you're not in the morbidly obese with rotten teeth brigade that I mentioned before, improving your social skills and your confidence ie making sure you have an attractive personality, should improve your chances with women considerably.

 

 

Please show me a peer reviewed scientific study that human beings choose mates based on pheremones.

 

I will save you some time, there are none. All of the hypothesis about pheremones were never proven, because they most likely don't exist.

 

I don't have a problem with women dating what they want, I have a problem when you blame us for it. It's not that you like a certain type of guy that looks a certain way, it's my pheremones. It's not that women will make conversation extremely easy with a "hot guy" by giggling like a little girl at every bomb he drops and being completely enthralled by him talking about football, they just have better social skills, etc etc.

 

We honestly don't care about why or how you make your choices. The reason the guys on this forum all beat on the "women are shallow" dead horse, is that we won't get you to admit it even if we got the turkish government to torture you. If only you all just told the truth, you would save a lot of guys thousands of dollars at social skill seminars and pick up book scams.

[Professor X]

Nobody said that looks don't matter.

 

Looks play a part only in helping us determine who is physically healthy and fertile. Things like facial symmetry in both genders, waist to hip ratio in women and broad shoulders/narrow hips in men are indicators of reproductive capability - hence a universal leaning towards what consitutes 'good looking' and why we'd all prefer a 'good looking' partner.

Which is what I initially said. Finally you admit you're not that different than the rest of us.

 

However, even then, it's pheromones that create physical attraction NOT looks. Pheromones tell us which people our immune system is compatible with and therefore, who we are best mating with. It's partly the pheromones that determine who we find 'good looking' in the first place. One man's meat and all that.

I hope you know that pheromones in humans were never proven to exist.

Until now, only a few studies has ever been made that suggested pheromones to exist in humans (while yes, it exist in other animals in other forms - it's not only about sexual attraction).

 

I can honestly say that I've never been attracted to a single one of my friends partners - even though they think they're the hottest thing on two legs. You all seem to be ignoring the part biology plays in determining who you find attractive.

It's not about what others think, it about what you think. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

 

The question was 'Is personality more important than looks?' but it didn't say in what context. I'm assuming that most people in the dating section are looking for long term partners rather than one night stands and, in that case, personality is considerably more important than looks - for both men and women.

 

I'm astounded that so many of you are denying what seems blatantly obvious to me.

 

Such arrogance! :eek::eek::bunny:

While I'm not saying you're wrong in assuming that, I will that say you're in no place to assume that and thus base your answer.

 

As I have said in my initial post, which you rashly tried to eliminate, physical appearance is what initiate the RS (i.e. first date), however, personality will be the one to determine if that RS will last or not.

Of course there are exception (hell, once I found myself attracted to a person who I initially found to be ugly, but after I came to know her, she became more and more attractive).

 

P.S. I too, would not of touched you with a barge-pole ;);)

[TruthSetsYouFree]

Wolf18, it seems you have us all figured out! At least those of us women who will admit that a man's level of attractiveness does matter. Just the other day, I was at a baseball game with some friends. The women I was with spent most of the time commenting on how good looking the ball players were, if they had a nice ass or not, nice arms, how big his package looked, and so on. Women complain about men eying them as a piece of meat - well, ladies are guilty of doing the same thing to men! I also found this on another website.

 

Sex Rank is a somewhat harsh way of looking at the world, but ultimately it is an honest one. Based on how sexy they are, everyone can be loosely assessed as having a number from 1 to 10 and that number is called their Sex Rank. Just admit it, we’ve all done it, looked at a woman and had a number pop into our head. She’s a 7, a 9, a 4… whatever. When a man rates a woman, he’s focusing a good deal on physical beauty as a primary factor in her sexual attractiveness. However, women have more fluidity in their rank than men - makeup, clothing, and hair style can cause a woman to go a step or two higher than her natural number would be without the makeup and clothing. She isn't necessarily hiding her true rank, merely playing dress-up with it. Women of course do exactly the same thing to men, but in addition to ranking a man's physical beauty many women also factor in a man's social status and professional accomplishments.

Sex Rank is best viewed as a metaphor; it's hard to nail down exactly what is a male 6 vs. a male 7 for example. We could possibly come up with a chart and point system for everything to map out what exactly makes up every level of Sex Rank, but then we'd all just get into a big fight about the chart, disagreeing over the fine points. Some people find different things sexier than others, or as more commonly coined, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".

 

In society, people of equal Sex Rank will tend to pair off with each other. 10s will couple with 10s, 9s with 9s, and 8s with 8s… all the way to 1s with 1s. Basically an 8 won’t settle for a 7, and a 7 won’t settle for a 6, so a male 7 and a female 7 will just meet each other and feel a surge of mutual interest and pair off. A male 7 may sleep with a female 5 or 6, but will choose to be in a relationship with a 7 or above; a female 7, on the other hand, will rarely go below her rank in either casual sex or a relationship.

[LittleTiger]

Another womenspeak excuse to try to not come off shallow

 

Amazing how all these good looking guys with 6 pick abs carry these "phermones"

 

If you think 6 pack abs is what attracts women then why don't you work out and get some?

 

Maybe because you realise it isn't quite that simple?

 

I know guys with 6 pack abs who, frankly, are about as sexually attractive as a plank of wood. Nothing between the ears ie zero personality, and far too self absorbed to make a good partner for any self-respecting woman!

 

I'm not sure why the term 'shallow' is being mentioned. Everyone would like a partner they consider good looking, but nobody in their right mind would choose 6 pack abs over a man who is their best friend and is loyal, loving, respectful, affectionate, kind, generous and supportive - especially if that friend (no matter how good looking he is) can make you go weak at the knees when he smiles at you.

 

Ahhh, hang on - I've just realised why so many people here are single!

[LittleTiger]

P.S. I too, would not of touched you with a barge-pole ;);)

 

There you go. You just proved my point.

 

You have no idea what I look like and you don't care how good looking or 'hot' I am because you don't like my personality!