Is personality more important than looks ladies?

[Jazzari]

I find it funny that a lot of women and men on here claim that they are attractive and this and that, but that is really subjective. I'm sure they have a good self esteem, but in the eyes of others, you may not be attractive.

I agree that looks are subjective.

 

It's always hard to tell others that you are attractive without sounding like a total ass. But how else to rebut that post with my own personal experience?

 

I suppose I could post a pic, but honestly, that seems a little lame too. So I'll just say that while my looks certainly don't appeal to everyone, the majority think I am attractive.

 

This leads to another thought....pictures don't always show how attractive a person is. I've seen pics of men that were not conventionally handsome. Yet when you meet them in person, they knock you over. It's the spark in the eyes and the personality that lights them up and makes them so attractive. Others look good in photos, but may be completely unappealing in person. So people might say they are going for looks, when in reality it is the personality that MAKES them look so good.

[Wolf18]

I don't believe this. For all the myth making in society, now in the 21st century personality and sexual attraction are two different things for women. Before when women didn't work, they had to choose more of a balance, because they needed a guy who was decent, selfless, and willing to share his assets with someone else. If you have a very good personality with a great sense of humor and are a lot of fun, women will want to hang out with you all the time, as "friends", unless you have the looks to back it up. On the other hand, if you look "hot" and have no personality women will do everything in their power to make some kind of connection, no matter how fragile "oh yeah we have lots in common, we both like pizza!". I've seen it countless times in my personal life, and also with people I know.

 

The average woman cares about personality about as much as the average guy. I think women do require more conversation and love having interesting guys in their life, but what's so insulting about this is that they will spend 23 hours a day with their guy "friend", and 1 hour with the hot guy (with little talking if you catch my drift) and find nothing wrong with this.

 

My best friend whose a ladies man once told me : "I like it when girls have close 'guy friends'. That just means I can bang her out, then she can run to them about how I don't care about her feelings, because I just don't give a F***" LOL.

Edited April 24, 2011 by Wolf18

[notuneak]

I have to have intelligence and humor in a guy. Could care less what he looks like. And doesn't matter how good looking a guy is if he is stupid and dull.

[Wolf18]

^ I've never met a woman who hasn't said that. What they end up doing is dating the dull and lame hot guy, then pretending/fooling themselves into thinking he has a great personality.

[notuneak]

Wrong, Wolf. The guy I'm dating now is originally from Iran and 2 inches shorter than I. He is average looking, but is intelligent and makes me laugh. I wasn't even considering him until he started IM'ing me. Now I'm hooked.

 

THAT is sexy.

[alethean]

I like a healthy mix of both. The guy needs to be appealing to me (although a lot of people have told me that the guys I like are actually "butt ugly"...it's true that I do like them a little quirky-looking). But he also needs to have a good personality. I have one of the best a**hole detectors in the world and as soon it goes off, a cute guy can end up looking very ugly to me.

[SteveC80]

90% of most womens lives is about vanity and judging their looks other women and other Men

 

The idea looks arent that important to them is laughable

[Wolf18]

Wrong, Wolf. The guy I'm dating now is originally from Iran and 2 inches shorter than I. He is average looking, but is intelligent and makes me laugh. I wasn't even considering him until he started IM'ing me. Now I'm hooked.

 

THAT is sexy.

 

So , what do you look like? I hope you are a supermodel to be able to talk about a for all intents and purposes, average person in that condescending tone.

 

Seems like when average looking women date average looking men...it's somehow them doing the latter a big favor!

[LittleTiger]

I'm sorry OP but this thread, and every other one like it that I've seen on here, just makes me laugh.

 

Physical attraction is about pheromones and there's absolutely nothing anyone can do about who they are attracted to or not.

 

It is a fact that the vast majority of human beings find a mate, even if it is only a temporary one (varying from one night to several years). Some are very lucky and manage to mate for life. Therefore, it's blatantly obvious that most of us are attractive to somebody.

 

As the majority of people are 'average' looking with just a sprinkling of 'drop dead gorgeous' or 'seriously hideous' amongst us, that does rather suggest that, aside from the pheromones, most of us (male and female) go for personality above looks.

 

That's not to say we wouldn't all choose 'drop dead gorgeous' given the chance but the chances are slim for most people so, instead, we find a good personality match with someone who has a face we wouldn't mind looking at for a reasonable number of years.

 

That's how human mating works.

[carhill]

Yeah, nowadays, whenever I hear a woman mention, even tangentially, that she 'gave him a chance', any attraction I might have had for her goes right out the window. If only I could rewind history back about twelve years and saved myself ten years of marital 'whatever'.

 

I have noted IRL that, similar to the tone of this thread, objectively 'good-looking' people are afforded more 'chances', all else being equal. Given the inevitability of physicality, I hope they make use of them.

[Richard Friedman]

No doubt both men and women are shallow but at least men don't pretend to be some kind of mother teresas when it comes to dating. They way some of you talk it seems like a guy could be broke, morbidly obese and mildly retarded; if he is a nice guy with a sense of humor you'll give him a shot. That's nonsense and you know it ladies, so please don't keep deluding these poor souls here. Never in my life have i seen an attractive woman with a man who did not bring something significant to the table, or an attractive man who was short on female company. If you want an attractive woman youre going to need looks, personality, and some prospects, because even average/attractive women have suitors who have all three. There isn't some principle of fairness where these things are mutually exclusive, which some posters seem to suggest( actually more often than not they go together). If you are a man just get your **** together instead of looking for loopholes; improve your looks, work hard toward your goals, practice socializing, and get what you can. Just remember that the world does not have to coincide with your view of what's fair and not; when there are people dying of starvation why do you think you deserve a woman?

[Johnny85]

Yeah, nowadays, whenever I hear a woman mention, even tangentially, that she 'gave him a chance', any attraction I might have had for her goes right out the window. If only I could rewind history back about twelve years and saved myself ten years of marital 'whatever'.

 

I have noted IRL that, similar to the tone of this thread, objectively 'good-looking' people are afforded more 'chances', all else being equal. Given the inevitability of physicality, I hope they make use of them.

 

Well, Carhill, I think it is a two way street: Guys want to date pretty girls; girls want to date a handsome guy. Thankfully, we all have a different definition of what is attractive.

[Professor X]

Who are you trying to fool?

Looks are important. It is the very thing that ignites a RS. You are initially attracted to a person based on his physical appearance.

The RS will last if the person ALSO has the personality you seek.

I think like only 1-2 women here admitted that if the guy didn't look good, he'd never had a chance.

 

Saying personality matters more is being a hypocrite.

 

And stop with the "what if, what if, what if". You don't live in a world where you can or need to choose between personality or appearance.

Every being has got both an appearance and a personality.

 

What if someone would have held a gun to my head and gave me an ultimatum: Either you bang this ugly chick and live, or you don't and die.

 

I'd bang her. Does it mean I'm all into ugly chicks? No. That means I made the decision which benefits me more in the long run.

[OliveOyl]

It's not just looks or just personality or just pheremones. It's a weighted average

 

Sometimes, you're gonna click on personality and their personality and intelligence is the strong suit of the relationship.

 

Other times it's about looks and chemistry.

 

Maybe you will bounce back and forth between the hot sexy but less-in-common person and the "we have so much to share but the sex is 'meh'" person.

 

If you're really lucky it's about all of them.

[notuneak]

Sorry if you thought I sound condescending. I didn't mean for it to come across like that.

 

The guy is hilarious and intelligent. When I asked him about being from Iran, he offered to meet me at the Police Station for our first meet up. His confidence and manner just clicks with me.

 

Everyone will find someone who finds them attractive. Guys just need to be patient. After all, you only need one girl.

[Johnny85]

Who are you trying to fool?

Looks are important. It is the very thing that ignites a RS. You are initially attracted to a person based on his physical appearance.

The RS will last if the person ALSO has the personality you seek.

I think like only 1-2 women here admitted that if the guy didn't look good, he'd never had a chance.

 

Saying personality matters more is being a hypocrite.

 

And stop with the "what if, what if, what if". You don't live in a world where you can or need to choose between personality or appearance.

Every being has got both an appearance and a personality.

 

What if someone would have held a gun to my head and gave me an ultimatum: Either you bang this ugly chick and live, or you don't and die.

 

I'd bang her. Does it mean I'm all into ugly chicks? No. That means I made the decision which benefits me more in the long run.

 

How many times haven't you seen an average guy walk into a restaurant with a girl half his age and twice as pretty? I don't know where you live, but I see it all the time. Simplistically, attraction exists on many levels. Essentially, human beings have two purposes in life: To survive and to procreate. Knowing this, is it that strange that we are attracted to someone who has a higher value than ourselves? Qualities such as intelligence, success, wealth, knowledge, kindness therefore play a huge role in who we decide to mate with. Of course physical attraction plays a role, initially, but it is only one component of attraction.

[carhill]

Well, Carhill, I think it is a two way street: Guys want to date pretty girls; girls want to date a handsome guy. Thankfully, we all have a different definition of what is attractive.

Coincidentally, I paid special attention to examples of less than universally attractive females at a large birthday party I attended Friday night, just to explore this concept of personality versus looks. At my age, that actually can be a fairly large number. Like I said, the inevitability of physicality. The disconnect which, generally, has me considering retiring from dating is that they, overwhelmingly IME, still view themselves with the same attributes and potency as they did a generation or two ago and, of course, deserving of the same 'spoils'. If any contradictory examples appear, I will certainly post them up. Equity and fairness. You can see a great example of such an anecdote in my albums, where I'm pictured with a number of similar ladies, including my exW.

 

What I look for is symmetry between talk and action. If a woman tells me looks don't matter and then proceeds to discuss how cute a guy is or how he was cute but they didn't hit it off, then I know she's incompatible even as a friend simply because of the disconnect between her talk and her actions, meaning those men she chooses to date. Those types invariably are tampon gatherers. Seen enough of them now to know.

 

I've known a lot of married women and some of their husbands. Everything about their descriptions was, over time, completely dependent upon how they *felt* about him. If they were/are in love, he was/is scorching hot and had a personality unparalled. If they were/are on the outs, he was/is a pig, an alcoholic, ugly and had a small d!ck. That's just how it is. No doubt my exW said the same things about me. Accepted.

 

This is a ladies thread so I'll leave it to them. It's not like any discussion here will change anything. Life goes on.

[tinktronik]

I prefer men who are not "classically good looking". In fact, most of the time what I find attracts me to a man is the way he carries himself, his mannerisms, good eye contact. After that I typically look for a specific set of ethical or moral standards, a kindness and respectfulness. Something that attracted me a lot to my current partner, though initially I did not find him to be super attractive, was that he had a moral set that he worked towards meeting and knew he would fail on some points but strived to meet non-the-less. Good breeding really does show many times, and it shows in behavior and casual mannerisms before words are ever exchanged.

 

One thing I cannot say that I can overlook is any serious extra weight. I'm not talking about an extra 15 or 20 pounds, but an extra 50 is something that I just cannot find a way to overlook.

[LittleTiger]

Who are you trying to fool?

Looks are important. It is the very thing that ignites a RS. You are initially attracted to a person based on his physical appearance.

The RS will last if the person ALSO has the personality you seek.

I think like only 1-2 women here admitted that if the guy didn't look good, he'd never had a chance.

 

Saying personality matters more is being a hypocrite.

 

It never ceases to amaze me how arrogant some people can be.

 

Looks are not the very thing that ignite a relationship, not by a long way - they are just one small part of what might make another human being attractive - or not.

 

Blind people fall in love and feel sexual attraction just the same as the rest of us so, clearly, looks are not as important as some people keep insisting.

 

Just because looks might be everything to you, doesn't mean they are everything to someone else. We're all different and we're all attracted to different things about other people, so don't assume that because others don't agree with you they are being hypocritical.

 

If we were all only attracted to good looking people then the world would be full of good looking people - and clearly it isn't. Personally, I think most people are not that great to look at. I can count on one hand the number of men I consider really good looking (and that includes famous people), so if looks were more important to me than personality I would have given up on men when I hit puberty.

[Professor X]

It never ceases to amaze me how arrogant some people can be.

 

Looks are not the very thing that ignite a relationship, not by a long way - they are just one small part of what might make another human being attractive - or not.

 

Blind people fall in love and feel sexual attraction just the same as the rest of us so, clearly, looks are not as important as some people keep insisting.

 

Just because looks might be everything to you, doesn't mean they are everything to someone else. We're all different and we're all attracted to different things about other people, so don't assume that because others don't agree with you they are being hypocritical.

 

If we were all only attracted to good looking people then the world would be full of good looking people - and clearly it isn't. Personally, I think most people are not that great to look at. I can count on one hand the number of men I consider really good looking (and that includes famous people), so if looks were more important to me than personality I would have given up on men when I hit puberty.

Never ceases to amaze me how hypocrites people can be.

 

With how many ugly people have you dated? 0? Thank you.

Fact is, you would never approach an ugly person in hopes he's pretty on the inside.

But you would approach a pretty person in hopes he's pretty on the inside as well.

 

And before you tell me that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, please, spare yourself the humiliation. We all know it to be true. It still doesn't change the fact that we're all attracted firstly to the others outer appearance.

 

Blind people as an example? Really? So the people who overlook appearance are those who by default can't see it? Great example there sherlock.

Blind people can't see colors, it doesn't mean colors don't exist or mean nothing. /facepalm

 

You think you're so different? Show us with how many truly ugly people you've been intimate with, yet they had superb personality.

 

How many times haven't you seen an average guy walk into a restaurant with a girl half his age and twice as pretty? I don't know where you live, but I see it all the time. Simplistically, attraction exists on many levels. Essentially, human beings have two purposes in life: To survive and to procreate. Knowing this, is it that strange that we are attracted to someone who has a higher value than ourselves? Qualities such as intelligence, success, wealth, knowledge, kindness therefore play a huge role in who we decide to mate with. Of course physical attraction plays a role, initially, but it is only one component of attraction.

I do see it, but what makes you think it has anything to do with the kind of attraction you find in a normal RS?

Than again, I define a normal RS when you are attracted for the other person for who he/she is and not for what they can give you in return (i.e. money, power, fame, etc).

Come to think of it, it's not really attraction, is it? It's one side wanting something from the other and vice versa.

Those kind of RS is what I like to call "business" - Cause essentially that's what it is for those people. The young lady trades sex for jewelry/cars/money.

It's like: I want your money, you want my vagina, lets trade.

I am sure you heard of Cougars and Sugar daddies.

And it happens on many many levels.

Most are looking for a guy to provide for them while they get the baby they always wanted.

[mr.dream merchant]

I don't believe this. For all the myth making in society, now in the 21st century personality and sexual attraction are two different things for women. Before when women didn't work, they had to choose more of a balance, because they needed a guy who was decent, selfless, and willing to share his assets with someone else. If you have a very good personality with a great sense of humor and are a lot of fun, women will want to hang out with you all the time, as "friends", unless you have the looks to back it up. On the other hand, if you look "hot" and have no personality women will do everything in their power to make some kind of connection, no matter how fragile "oh yeah we have lots in common, we both like pizza!". I've seen it countless times in my personal life, and also with people I know.

 

The average woman cares about personality about as much as the average guy. I think women do require more conversation and love having interesting guys in their life, but what's so insulting about this is that they will spend 23 hours a day with their guy "friend", and 1 hour with the hot guy (with little talking if you catch my drift) and find nothing wrong with this.

 

My best friend whose a ladies man once told me : "I like it when girls have close 'guy friends'. That just means I can bang her out, then she can run to them about how I don't care about her feelings, because I just don't give a F***" LOL.

:lmao: GOD this is too true!

[Lilmisus]

How many times haven't you seen an average guy walk into a restaurant with a girl half his age and twice as pretty? I don't know where you live, but I see it all the time. Simplistically, attraction exists on many levels. Essentially, human beings have two purposes in life: To survive and to procreate. Knowing this, is it that strange that we are attracted to someone who has a higher value than ourselves? Qualities such as intelligence, success, wealth, knowledge, kindness therefore play a huge role in who we decide to mate with. Of course physical attraction plays a role, initially, but it is only one component of attraction.

 

Reminds me of my friend who's 20, engaged to a man who's 46. He's bald, ugly, starting to form wrinkles, and looks older than just 46. She has even admitted that it's not his looks that draws her to him. She's gorgeous, and has guys hit on her all the time, and could have any guy she'd want. But she chooses him, because according to her, they're more on the same level, and if he was her age, then they'd be absolutely perfect for one another, and there would be no issue there at all. She's a perfect case to prove that hey...personality is more key than looks to some girls.

[threebyfate]

Step back from the two dimensional perspective of looks over personality. People are composites and attraction isn't rational.

 

IF you're having difficulties attracting women on a consistent basis, it's rarely a simple thing like needing to be hot looking.

 

If you've got a great personality and sense of humour, with average to above average looks, you shouldn't have any problem with finding a partner.

[orangelady]

^ I've never met a woman who hasn't said that. What they end up doing is dating the dull and lame hot guy, then pretending/fooling themselves into thinking he has a great personality.

 

Haha. I guess some of them don't want to sound shallow on here.

[orangelady]

No doubt both men and women are shallow but at least men don't pretend to be some kind of mother teresas when it comes to dating. They way some of you talk it seems like a guy could be broke, morbidly obese and mildly retarded; if he is a nice guy with a sense of humor you'll give him a shot. That's nonsense and you know it ladies, so please don't keep deluding these poor souls here. Never in my life have i seen an attractive woman with a man who did not bring something significant to the table, or an attractive man who was short on female company. If you want an attractive woman youre going to need looks, personality, and some prospects, because even average/attractive women have suitors who have all three. There isn't some principle of fairness where these things are mutually exclusive, which some posters seem to suggest( actually more often than not they go together). If you are a man just get your **** together instead of looking for loopholes; improve your looks, work hard toward your goals, practice socializing, and get what you can. Just remember that the world does not have to coincide with your view of what's fair and not; when there are people dying of starvation why do you think you deserve a woman?

 

 

Well said. It's true. A lot of men who are not that great looking, who don't have a successful career and social status on here really do talk like they deserve a hot looking woman and they even become angry and bitter about it when they don't get one.