In need of assistance.

[john_conner]

Alright. I'm gonna try and make this as non-confusing as possible. heres my story.

 

this is making me cry and I haven't even started. here we go

 

Im a 20 year old male. Im currently in my first relationship. I have never had a girlfriend before, all i did was bang random sluts. about a year ago i fell in love with an angel. i met the girl of my dreams and we have been together ever since.

 

everything was fine up until last september. It was frosh week at my university, and i was pretty drunk. I had sex with another girl. thats the bottom line. I was hammered, i honestly wasnt trying to have it happen, but a girl came onto me very strongly. I never said in my head "i will cheat on my girlfriend tonight." but at the same time, i never said no.

 

well, I eventually told her. she forgave me. like i told you, shes an angel. but it still eats at my heart.

 

fastforward to last night. my childhood friend comes home from vancouver, my best friend, my only real friend i have. Well, I honestly dont drink anymore, for obvious reasons, but i figured i would drink with him and my other buddies. I though i would be fine. it was just a party at his house with my friends and his older sister and her friends. I thought i would be fine. never did i say "im going to cheat on my firlfriend tonight" I planned to drink light beer, as to keep some of my senses. but thanks to my great planning, i forgot that the liquor store was closed for good friday. so i bought a mickey of vodka off my mom.

 

anyways, i drank the mickey and took more shots after that. i was drunk. everything was fine. i was talking to my friends all night, i wasnt sloppy, puking drunk, but i was drunk. I want incoherent or beliggerent, but i was drunk. Somehow, one of the girls at the party starts talking to me. i put my arm around her. to make a long story short i took her back to my house and ****ed her.

 

what the **** do i do? i woke up today, looked in the mirror and immediately started balling my eyes out. I didnt see myselfr anymore, I saw the devil. I hate myself. I hate myself for cheating on the love of my life. I truly love this girl, and nothing i can say will ever justify my actions. but i can only try and explain how i feel.

 

 

not that this makes it right, but i would never cheat on my girlfriend sober. never. I dont have any other girls on my phone, i dont talk to other girls, i dont even think about them. then alcohol comes into play. once i get past a certain point, i cant say no. I dont go out looking to **** girls, but when they come on to me i just cant say no. I dont know what to do. I cheated on her once already and she forgave me. I want to tell her to take this off my chest but at the same time, I dont want to rip this girl apart. I already torturing myself, and ruining my life. I dont want to take anotehr one down with me. But at the same time i dont want to live a lie.

 

I truly do love this girl, wether you believe me when i say that is irrelevant. I wake up and i think of this girl. I go to bed and think of this girl. The feeling i get when i hold her in my arms in undescribable. Im crying as i write this becasue my mistake pains me so deeply. I feel like i deserve to die for my actions. I wish i could undo what i did.

 

 

well, i guess thats all i have to say. if anything was unclear please ask. i know theres alot of older and wiser people on here than me.(obviously) please help me make the right choice. please. I know what the problem is. the problem is my drinking. Ive cut down on drinking so much, and when my friend comes back from vancouver is the only time i ever do it. that was my first time touching a drop of alcohol in 5 weeks. I can stop drinking. I have to. but thats not the point. how do i deal with this? how do i look at myself in the mirror everyday? how? how do i kiss my girl and tell ehr i love her? how do i sleep at night? even if we break up, it still wont eleviate my pain, because i will have to live knowing that i am a monster. i will have to live knowing that i met and angel, and tore her apart. im rambling, but i want you guys to get it. I want to be with this girl. i can easily keep this from her and she will never know.

 

 

I feel like i am in a catch 22, but its a completely lose-lose situation regardless of what I choose. Rrgardless if i tell her or not, i have to live with this guilt. If i tell her, i hurt her even more. If i dont tell her, i live with this secret my whole life. If i stay with her, i have to live with this ****. If she leaves me, i still have to live with it.

 

What do I do? I don't know where to go from here. Im 20 years old, and i feel like im ruining my life. I will be successful and be able to find a good job in the future, but i could care less about that stuff. I made such a mistake. I can honestly say all that i want in life is to be with this girl and to make see her happy.

 

alright.....well i dont know what else to tell you guys. please help. excuse the bad spelling and rambling. but I needed to let this out somehow.

[Jazzari]

You need to stop drinking. Period. Not another drop. Not one not EVER.

 

Then get an STD test. Cheating on your girl isn't near as bad as giving her some disease.

 

Whether you tell her or not is something I can't say. I know you're hurting, but honestly I am more concerned with her pain. You made the choice to drink which led to cheating. Your pain is deserved (sorry to be blunt). Her pain is not deserved. You need to do whatever you feel is right for HER.

[john_conner]

You need to stop drinking. Period. Not another drop. Not one not EVER.

 

Then get an STD test. Cheating on your girl isn't near as bad as giving her some disease.

 

Whether you tell her or not is something I can't say. I know you're hurting, but honestly I am more concerned with her pain. You made the choice to drink which led to cheating. Your pain is deserved (sorry to be blunt). Her pain is not deserved. You need to do whatever you feel is right for HER.

 

 

i agree. and i dont have the money for an std test at the moment.

 

as for what is right for her. thats tough for me to decide.

 

It all depends on wether or not she will find out in the future. if she were to find out in the future, it would have been better for me to tell her. if she never finds out which is possible, it will be better for me keep it from her.

 

and i guess i do need to stop drinking. its not like every time i drink i cheat on her. i have had nights where i was perfectly fine, and night with her drinking that were fine. but yeah, it has to go.

 

thanks for your opinion. any additional input would be appreciated.

[Hanther]

i agree. and i dont have the money for an std test at the moment.

 

as for what is right for her. thats tough for me to decide.

 

It all depends on wether or not she will find out in the future. if she were to find out in the future, it would have been better for me to tell her. if she never finds out which is possible, it will be better for me keep it from her.

 

and i guess i do need to stop drinking. its not like every time i drink i cheat on her. i have had nights where i was perfectly fine, and night with her drinking that were fine. but yeah, it has to go.

 

thanks for your opinion. any additional input would be appreciated.

 

Now I am REALLY doubting if you know what loves means. If you're 20, you're on your parents health insurance. Get tested. Or go to a free clinic. If you care at all, you will find a way to at LEAST do this for her. At the bare minimum, one if four people have an STD. Don't think it can't happen.

 

Secondly, I completely disagree with the bolded part. What's best for her is what SHE thinks is best for her, not what YOU think is best for her. If she had the choice, I can almost guarantee you that she would rather know the truth.

 

By not telling her the truth, you are robbing her of the choice to decide what she wants to do. You are not hurting her by telling her the truth, you are helping her make an informed decision about her life. You have ALREADY hurt her by cheating.

 

You are young, and chances are this girl will not be the girl you end up with in the long run. And honestly, at this point in your life you probably are not ready for her. You have proven that twice over. Tell her the truth - BE the person you wish you were and eventually you will become that person. And almost certainly, you will meet another "angel" and next time you will be ready for her.

 

Do the right thing here.

[Kelemort]

You may think you love your girlfriend, but your actions and your refusal to look further into testing paint your desire to hide from it and possibly hurt her further. I'd wager that no, you don't love her. You claim to think about her all of the time, so you may be infatuated with her, but I highly doubt that you love her. Your relationship with her as you present it here is all about you - how she makes YOU feel.

 

Stop having sex with her completely, as God knows what you've exposed yourself to, let alone how long it will take for it to surface. HIV can sometimes take up to 6 months to present. Go to Planned Parenthood and ask them about STD tests. You're in college, so it'll almost certainly be very inexpensive. Many of those clinics also don't charge you above what you can pay. So the excuse that you can't afford it is crap.

 

If you have a health center at your university, they may also do it for free or low cost. Back when I was in school, they would have HIV/AIDs and gonorrhea testing for free once a year.

 

You need to break up with your girlfriend. Admit that you have a drinking problem and because of your own stupidity, you can't avoid sleeping with anything that walks toward you and has breasts. You're too immature to handle a relationship. You can pine away with this self-loathing, but stop this narcissistic crap and realize it's NOT about YOU anymore. I hope to God you haven't already given this girl diseases. You've already hurt her emotionally.

 

If you're in the United States, you're too young to be drinking. Clearly you're too immature to handle your alcohol. Since you apparently can't control it, you need to get into AA meetings or something and gain control over your life.

 

Choosing not to tell your girlfriend about your repeated betrayals is further evidence that you're too immature to be in a relationship. Since you're so drunk when these encounters happen, I'm going to expect that they're largely unprotected.

 

Get your act together and take some time away from dating - and I don't mean "a few months," but possibly a year or two. Get your act together or you're going to continue hurting girl after girl, and then instead of owning up to it, you're going to hide and say you think it's "best" if the girl not know about all of your indiscretions.

 

I hope this "angel" moves on and finds someone who won't repeatedly cheat on her.

[Eclypse]

Well I'm not gonna lie, it looks pretty bad. What you did was a pretty big betrayal of trust. However I can't outright condemn you, as that would make me a hypocrite. I'm the same age you are and in love with an angel, and I know how hard it can be to control temptations. I've had kisses with another, however that is a far cry from sex. I don't really buy the too drunk to stop myself excuse. I was pretty drunk, but consciously I decided to kiss someone else, and I think you did the same. I had problems in my relationship, and I'm guessing you did too otherwise you wouldn't have done it.

 

What you need to do is (after getting yourself STD tested) is to work on those problems with your girlfriend. I still regret doing what I did but I feel much happier with her now, and I'm sure you will feel much happier once you sort out whatevers bugging you 2 I only had one drunken night where I cheated on her and it won't happen again, and hopefully you will set yourself on the straight path from now on!

[Professor X]

Oh boy, at first I wanted to sugar coat it, but I've changed my mind.

 

You're a scumbag.

A piece of human trash.

 

A ****ing kid playing grown-ups thinking drinking is cool.

 

The only good you can do here is to tell her what you did and let her decide what to do, and meanwhile you will tell her what a low life worthless worm you are.

 

If she doesn't wanna see you again, than honor her request.

 

And stop crying you pathetic weakling, you didn't cry when you banged those other 2 chicks, now did you?

 

You reap what you sow.

[Woman In Blue]

So you're going to blame the booze for the cheating, is that it? Nowadays, everyone has to slap a label on a*sshole behavior, rather than just admit it's nothing more than selfish, a*sshole behavior.

 

Oh well, I'll give you credit for not jumping on the "I'm a Sex Addict!" bandwagon that all the rest of them do.

 

Like someone else said, you're still basically a kid playing "grownup" and have alot to learn. But stop using booze as the 'reason' you cheat. You cheat because you WANT to cheat - the booze merely takes away your inhibitions and makes it easier to do what you really want to do anyway.

 

You can say "I didn't plan on cheating on my girlfriend" but we all know that's bull. Liquor doesn't MAKE people do anything - you're just too young and inexperienced to understand that concept at this point.

[Kinder-Horror]

You keep saying that you never went into these situations saying "I will cheat on my girlfriend tonight" as if that makes the whole ordeal better. It seems you never went in the situation saying "I will be faithful to my girlfriend" either.

 

You own the choices you've made. There is no excuse for cheating on your girlfriend, drunk or sober. Being drunk may blur your lines of appropriateness, but you chose to drink. You were okay the first time; you made a mistake, you admitted your actions and you gave your girlfriend the opportunity to stay or leave. The second incidence however, is not a mistake. It's a willing choice.

 

I'm not sure you really have to stay away from alcohol. As long as you remain relationship-free for a very very long time... perhaps forever. But if you plan on growing from this, step away from the alcohol and start working on yourself. Do not keep this from your girlfriend. You don't know what's best for her. You don't even know what is best for her. Do not rob her of her own opportunity to choose.

 

Hell, you had multiple opportunities to choose between her and alcohol, her and another girl.

[Kelemort]

And I thought I rolled in here ball-blasting. lol