lodi024 Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 Ok, here's the deal. I've always been pretty quiet and reserved. I don't generally let people know what's going on inside. I've been working with a girl for over two years now. She's (unhappily)married, with a young kid. I've always been strongly attracted to her. She's always teased and played and flirted with me. Since she's naturally the playful flirty type, I assumed she was just trying to get a rise out of me. I accepted how attracted I was to her, but rather than indulge what I thought was a harmless, passing crush, I decided to ignore it. I thought she would stop when she tired of the game, when she got no response from me. Recently I've been getting a feeling like maybe there's more to it. Just subtle, little things that could either be my imagination playing tricks or signs she's really into me. So in a nutshell, my question is this: How am I supposed to suss out if she's just interested in getting attention, or if she's really flirting with me?
spice4life Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 (edited) Ok, here's the deal. I've always been pretty quiet and reserved. I don't generally let people know what's going on inside. I've been working with a girl for over two years now. She's (unhappily)married, with a young kid. I've always been strongly attracted to her. She's always teased and played and flirted with me. Since she's naturally the playful flirty type, I assumed she was just trying to get a rise out of me. I accepted how attracted I was to her, but rather than indulge what I thought was a harmless, passing crush, I decided to ignore it. I thought she would stop when she tired of the game, when she got no response from me. Recently I've been getting a feeling like maybe there's more to it. Just subtle, little things that could either be my imagination playing tricks or signs she's really into me. So in a nutshell, my question is this: How am I supposed to suss out if she's just interested in getting attention, or if she's really flirting with me? Since she is married, it only means she is interested in getting attention. Yeah, she may cross the line and have an affair with you, but it still will only mean she enjoys the attention. If she was truly interested, then she would do the right thing and make herself single first before embarking down this path to begin with. It doesn't really matter whether or not she is unhappily married. If her intention is to cross the line with you, then she is going about it in a very unhealthy way. Affairs do not solve marital problems. And if you allow yourself to get sucked in, you will experience the worst emotional roller coaster of your life...that is a gaurantee. The best thing you can do for her if she crosses the line, is to tell her to go to marriage counseling or get a divorce. Bringing a third party into an already unhappy picture is only going to make matters worse. Go read the "Other man/Other woman" forum to see the pain having an affair can cause. Stop now while you still have your wits about you and tell her that you think she is lovely, but she needs to be single before you would consider going there with her. Believe me, it is the safest option and one that will keep your dignity in tact. Edited April 23, 2011 by spice4life
Professor X Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 Let me try and spare you some humiliation. You're a guy, therefor you think logically, so let's see what can we figure out: 1. Actions matter much more than word don't, correct? Well, she says she's unhappy in her marriage yet she remains married. 2. You've already figured out her personality: "She's always teased and played and flirted with me. Since she's naturally the playful flirty type" - ergo, when she flirts with you, it has nothing to do with you. It's all her. Why would she do it? To get attention. 3. "I thought she would stop when she tired of the game" - Again, it's her, nothing to do with you. Women get hints, they invented it. See #2. 4. So we've established that she's a flirty person, which means any flirts she sends towards you has nothing to do with you. We've also established that she described her marriage as "unhappy" - which a lot of people can confuse with boredom. Conclusion: She's bored with her marriage = her life, she's trying to spice up her life by getting attention from other men, which she does by flirting. So what you need to do is to simply tell her that you do not feel comfortable flirting with a married woman, alternatively, you can try and keep yourself under control and never allow the next step to happen. Choice is yours.
Author lodi024 Posted April 24, 2011 Author Posted April 24, 2011 I'm sorry, I forgot to include one small detail: Both her and her husband list themselves as "separated" on a popular social networking site. I found this out about three weeks ago. Since I don't know about any actual legal status change, I can't see that it makes much difference, but I could be wrong. My better judgment says you are both probably correct. I should quit now. So why can't I get her out of my head? I'm almost 30, aren't I a little old to develop a crush like this?
Professor X Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 I'm sorry, I forgot to include one small detail: Both her and her husband list themselves as "separated" on a popular social networking site. I found this out about three weeks ago. Since I don't know about any actual legal status change, I can't see that it makes much difference, but I could be wrong. My better judgment says you are both probably correct. I should quit now. So why can't I get her out of my head? I'm almost 30, aren't I a little old to develop a crush like this? One can never be "to old" to have a crush. And why you can't get her out of your head? Well, it's simple really. You like the idea of her, but not her specifically. Since you don't really know her, the parts of her that you don't know you fill up with your own fantasies.
g450 Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I'm sorry, I forgot to include one small detail: Both her and her husband list themselves as "separated" on a popular social networking site. I found this out about three weeks ago. Since I don't know about any actual legal status change, I can't see that it makes much difference, but I could be wrong. My better judgment says you are both probably correct. I should quit now. So why can't I get her out of my head? I'm almost 30, aren't I a little old to develop a crush like this? So they are both players. So what? What you really need to ask yourself is do you really want all the drama that comes along with this type of screwed up situation? Really? Are there not enough single women where you live? Honestly? My advice: Stay far FAR away from her and ignore her.
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