Spursmaad78 Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I am 32 with 2 daughters aged 4 and 17 months. I have been married for 6 yrs and I was diagnosed with a borderline personality disorder 2yrs ago. I have suffered with mental health issues since my early 20s without really admitting the cause of my problems. This all came to a head 2 yrs ago when I left my job without telling my wife. I spent 3 months lying to my wife telling her i was going to work while in fact I sat in my car with my tortured mind. Foolishly one night while I was completely drunk I came home and put all the gas on in the cooker. I honestly have no redcollection of doing this and while I had suicidal thoughts about myself I never at all once thought about harming my family. Obviously my wife kicked me out and reported the issue to the authorities. At this point I had reached the bottom of the barrel and decided to confront my issues once and for all. I was admitted to a mental health facility where I finally broke down and admitted that I had been sexually abused by my father over a number of years when I was very young. Incredibly after 8 months of treatment and counselling with a therapist I managed to convince my wife to give me another chance and I moved back into the family home. This should be the part where I say we lived happilly ever after but unfortunately this is not the case. For the last 6 months I have fallen back into the doldrums again. In this time I have left 2 jobs without my wife knowing. I have lied to her, all our family and my therapist about how I am feeling. I have taken out loans with banks to make it appear I was getting paid. I have produced forged payslips at home and forged a lot of other documents. I eventually broke down 2 weeks ago and told my wife I was out of work. Through her own investigations she found out about jobs I lost and loans I took out. Obviously she now no longer believes a single thing I say. I am out of the family home again and only calling to see the kids for 2 hours every second day. She believes that I am now just a pure evil person and believes I am dangerous to be around. I have to hold my hands up and say I have been a horrible person and husband. I do believe that despite all that I have done I am a good person inside. It is now clear to me that I need a lot more help to get over the abuse problems. I am completely heartbroken to have slipped down a bad road again. I want peoples advice on this. People might think I'm mad but I truly love the bones of my wife and I want her back. What can I do to win her around and to show her I can be the man she wants? Please help me.
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