ManUtdFan Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 Just curious about how people view the differences between the male and female mind. being a man myself, i normally know instantly if Im going to consider a woman dating material or not, and then after that their is little they can do to change my mind either way. as in if a man has that instant connection with a girl, it means that he will always view her as a dating possibility. however this is where the other side confuses me, yes a woman generally gets and idea about a man straight away, and can generally tell if he's a dating possibility or just a friend, however she can seemingly change her mind again about the possible date. if a man likes a woman at one point in time, then i think its safe to say he can like her again? is it the same for a woman, or is it once her minds made up, its made up?
Enchanted Girl Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 We can like someone again, after liking them and friendzoning them, as long as we are attracted to them when we first meet them (although that doesn't mean it's a guarantee.) Sometimes I friendzone guys actually because I think they are out of my league. This is what happened with my current boyfriend, but as soon as he started showing interest, I took him out of the friendzone.
Author ManUtdFan Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 so in theory a girl who has once liked a certain guy can like him again? i always thought that once friendzoned a man was their for life, however maybe its not quite the same friendszone as the guys who just didn't do anything for them at first meeting? for a man, their is no friendszone just a sort of ranking system? at least thats what i think...
dreamingoftigers Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 so in theory a girl who has once liked a certain guy can like him again? i always thought that once friendzoned a man was their for life, however maybe its not quite the same friendszone as the guys who just didn't do anything for them at first meeting? for a man, their is no friendszone just a sort of ranking system? at least thats what i think... OKay, our relationships do not start with a sexual attraction most of the time, we build the opposite way. Basically a guy gets a "maybe" vote and then we see which category he falls into. If he stradles the line between friend and date pretty well then he can get us curious about both. Often you will hear a girl go "Well I don't know what we are" and usually that's when they are on the brink of dating him. The curiousity makes her imagine different possibilities. The vast majority of male friends that I have had all could've possibly had a chance, they entered into the "maybe" door and then I developed a 30 second crush on them and either they made a move that didn't go so well or they just settled into friend mode with no loss. I remember one of my close guy friends killed my 30 second crush one night when the stupidest, most judgemental crap came out of his mouth. I didn't even think that I wanted to hang out with the guy anymore. We were good friends and even roomates for six years after that, but no attraction whatsoever.
zengirl Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 Unlike dreamingoftigers, I would say my relationships pretty much DO start, to a degree, with sexual attraction (not SEX, mind you, but the attraction and desire for a person) but also with intellectual attraction as well. Only emotional attraction comes later for me. If I can't imagine myself someday naked with a guy by the 2nd date or so (before the 1st date if I knew him before dating and didn't meet him in a blind date/online situation), I wouldn't date him. But if I can't carry on awesome conversations with him, I wouldn't date him either. If my values didn't seemingly align, I wouldn't date him either. So, JUST sexual attraction isn't enough, but I do think it 'starts' there. I suppose I find it hard to generalize men and women who are looking for serious relationships. They seem to act similarly, in my opinion, except for most men would have sex with a woman they wouldn't date (Some women will do so too, but not when they're looking for something serious and/or they'll make it clearer they're not looking for anything serious with said guy, IMO). But each individual seems to have certain things they look for, and those things evolve with time. They certainly have for me. I will say I think men can be more clear about their feelings after the initial rush has worn off (testosterone being their primary chemical presser then) and women can be more clear about their feelings when oxytocin levels are not interfering (physical intimacy -- not just sex -- tends to sway women into thinking they're more interested, because that's how oxytocin goes, though it can also be triggered by emotional intimacy). But that's just basic humanity. It's kind of like how everyone thinks clearer if they're sober. And everyone's body chemistry is a bit unique.
Author ManUtdFan Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 so taking all this into account, can a woman like someone, who she was once attracted to, again? in my opinion a man can like a woman again.
zengirl Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 so taking all this into account, can a woman like someone, who she was once attracted to, again? in my opinion a man can like a woman again. Generally, if I've decided not to date someone, it's final. It's not about attraction or not. However, I don't think all women are like me. I've seen others change their minds. Most of the men I've dated have been a bit more wishy washy than I on this. I think most people are. I tend to make very final decisions.
gaius Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 We can like someone again, after liking them and friendzoning them, as long as we are attracted to them when we first meet them (although that doesn't mean it's a guarantee.) Sometimes I friendzone guys actually because I think they are out of my league. This is what happened with my current boyfriend, but as soon as he started showing interest, I took him out of the friendzone. Could you ever find someone attractive if they weren't the first time you met? If they cleaned themselves up and are now more your type? Or would that first impression always stick with you and make it hard to date them?
Author ManUtdFan Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 Could you ever find someone attractive if they weren't the first time you met? If they cleaned themselves up and are now more your type? Or would that first impression always stick with you and make it hard to date them? this is another good point, i would say that this could only be possible if the two people in question, had met during their teens or early twenties, and then met at a later time, when either or both had matured as a person. you have to ask yourself how much your going to change as a person post 30s. and i think yes, some people are very final with the decisions they make, but then anything is possible, when it comes to issues like this.
Cee Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I've noticed that there are some people (both men and women) who put people in the never category no matter what. That's why I never chase men who have already said no. I might still hold a torch and hope they'll change their mind, but that has never happened to me.
zengirl Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I've noticed that there are some people (both men and women) who put people in the never category no matter what. That's why I never chase men who have already said no. I might still hold a torch and hope they'll change their mind, but that has never happened to me. I will say, even though I operate with finality, it depends on the reasons. For instance, if I say "No" because I'm seeing someone, I'll say to those I would date, "Oh, no, I'm seeing someone." That's never meant to be a NEVER EVER type of thing. But if I reject someone because of who they are without clear conditions (i.e. I'd go out with you if I was single, I'd go out with you if we lived in the same town, I'd go out with you if I was ready to date, etc), then it's always going to be a no. Same thing with if someone rejects me without the clear conditions. For me, it just destroys any potential trust that could ever exist. I suppose it's because I want a relatively smooth relationship and won't settle for anything less. Too much drama makes me think it'd never be the guy I married.
Author ManUtdFan Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 Nice to see a red on here. Not Far From 19 League Titles
miss_28 Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 (edited) Could you ever find someone attractive if they weren't the first time you met? If they cleaned themselves up and are now more your type? Or would that first impression always stick with you and make it hard to date them? It does happen... it's happened to me on more than one occasion. I'm now really interested in someone I met a while ago that I wasn't interested in when we initially met. He was really into me, but I wasn't as into him. He was great, nothing has really changed, but I'm at a different place in my life and want to be with him. I've found, in my life, it all boils down to timing. Ironically, his timing is off right now, so life goes on, but yes, attraction can happen right away or it can develop over time, especially with women. (I could site you many real-life examples). That being said, don't force it - forcing things never work. Also, it depends what the first impression was. If you were a jerk, or racist or rude, or something equally off-putting, then you can clean up all you want, it's not in the cards. If it's just a question of improving yourself physically, or you're just more confident now, or she's more receptive now, why not? Edited April 24, 2011 by miss_28
orangelady Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 when a man likes a woman, he takes her for granted. when a woman likes a man, he is everything for her - my world.
Mrlonelyone Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 There are just different attraction and relationship styles. I see at least two kinds of attraction styles. There are people who are attracted at first sight or NEVER. These same people go on one or two dates, and then they are in a serious relationship. They go at it hard and fast and know right away what they want... Or maybe they are just impulsive. Then there are people who take time to get to know someone for a while in a non sexual way before they ever serious think of them in a sexual way. Oh sure there may be a slight spark at first...but even if there isn't it can come after a while. The same people need to go on dates for a couple months before they are in a serious relationship. They don't know what they want right away but they know it when they find it. Perhaps these people are more cautious. TLDR:Some people categorize people as dateable or friends and never reconsider. While others never consider anyone datebale if they can't first be a friend.
Enchanted Girl Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 Could you ever find someone attractive if they weren't the first time you met? If they cleaned themselves up and are now more your type? Or would that first impression always stick with you and make it hard to date them? I actually had an instance once where the person didn't change themselves at all, but just opened my eyes to how attractive they were and before that, I wasn't thinking of them that way at all.
Bj099235 Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 I think guys can fall for their friends much easier than women can. It's really hard to get out of the friendzone.
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