Making time for each other when you live together.

[AzaleaBelle]

That sounds like a skewed situation. That almost sounds like he wants to allow you to get even with him by punishing him, instead of him actually fixing the root of the problem.

 

I kind of feel bad for you. AzaleaBelle, do what makes you happy.

 

I feel bad, too. I love him unconditionally, but I can't stay if I don't trust him with it.

[Els]

Yup.

Without announcing it, get someone in a pick-up truck to help you move out.

 

Then, go complete No Contact.

 

Get your life back.

as someone famously said, Don't settle for being an option, when you should be a priority.

 

No, I disagree with this. I think the OP should leave him, but she should sit him down and tell him exactly why she is doing this. That will give her closure and maybe, just maybe, jolt him out of his selfish asshood into a decent bf. Highly unlikely, but closure itself is still good.

[TaraMaiden]

Closure never comes from the other person.

Closure only comes from within.

 

We know this from reading countless threads and posts by people seeking closure from their exes, only to be told - and to discover - that it never works that way.

 

Chances are, seeing the way he behaves, that such an action will prove negative.

He will not be reasonable, and will be manipulative and try emotional blackmail, exactly as he has done before.

In this matter, she has to exercise personal emotional and physical self-protection.

 

But she has to remove herself from this toxic environment and deal with the aftermath dispassionately and from a safe place. Both environmentally, and emotionally.

Where she is right now - is NOT a safe place.

[Els]

How exactly would calling the movers prevent such a possibility? He would be even more angry (and rightly so) at not being told before she goes off the deep end. What if he's at home when the movers come? They argue in front of the movers?

 

If she truly believes she's at physical risk she should seek the cops, ASAP, NOT sneakily call the movers.

[TaraMaiden]

How exactly would calling the movers prevent such a possibility? He would be even more angry (and rightly so) at not being told before she goes off the deep end. What if he's at home when the movers come? They argue in front of the movers?

 

I didn't say movers. I said get someone with a pick-up truck.

I think she knows I mean getting someone she knows to help her move.

could be her dad, a brother, a BiL... but she needs to clear out.

 

Even she says she believes this is going to be a one-way trip.

 

I would surmise that they have done a whole load of talking and that he - like many guys - has retreated into his own little "if I don't peek out it's not really happening" den.

Some guys do this. Some guys refuse to face whatever it is that women are trying to communicate because it doesn't fit in with their model of thinking, and when some women try to get through that - the guys go haywire.

 

It's already happened.

She has to do whatever she needs to do to protect herself and get on with her own life.

 

Now look Elswyth - you and I both know that writing counsel, opinion and advice on a relationships forum, is the simplest thing in the world.

Hell, any one of us can string words together and impart our wisdom.

The big work begins when a poster has to take that advice on board and decide what to do with it.

And the most terrifying - and most courageous thing - is to take that first step.

The OP needs to take that step.

Only she knows what she needs to do.

And only she can decide whether she wants to do it.

And when.

[Els]

I agree, perhaps it is a little too early to be debating this when I'm not even sure we've successfully convinced the OP to break up yet. I guess I was just putting myself into the bf's shoes and knowing that I would never want anyone to break up with me without even explaining why. He may be a jerk, but 2 wrongs don't make a right IMO. But it is true that she has already given him ultimatums.

 

OP, all the best!