Cant figure it out

[Beaten_down]

New user would like some opinions

I am not sure if this is the proper place to post this, Apologies if not. I will make this as short as possible.

 

I am not sure what I have went through over the past several months, I did research it online but would appreciate any opinions.

I met a woman In June of 2010 and we seem to hit it off rather well. Between June2010 and Sept 2010 she had broke up with me 2 times.

I called her my GF one time and the next time I seen her she said you know that GF term lets not use that then she said my daughter keeps asking if your my BF and I tell her no just a friend.

on another occasion where she got angry over something small and told me to leave her house.

She just seemed perfect in the beginning and then when we hit some bumps in the road she just took off like I meant nothing to her.

 

 

We always ended up back together, She was always into make up and told me how lucky I was to be with someone as beautiful as her. I found that to be a little strange. She was always looking for meaning in everything, Gifts most of all.

She would always tell me "you don't compliment me enough" or "you don't tell me I am pretty enough"

She never apologized for anything, and when we broke up she toyed with my emotions horribly.

She broke up with me and was with someone else in just days.

 

I begged pleaded everything to get her back, And she would keep giving me false hope and i would bite only to be smacked down over and over like 5 times. She even called me once and said she was having doubts about what she was doing and told the new guy that she did not know if she wanted to keep dating him and said i dont know if you would even see me again.

 

then i texted her a few times the next day and she called me later that night. And said you know all these texts am I gonna have to block you. I was so confused.

 

Then she told me no more contact and I have done my part but she keeps breaking contact with me

Even with the new guy she would say I miss you

there are so many more things like her getting really angry at such petty things.

She actually got angry with me because I was on vacation and there was a ice storm back home that I did not know about and I did not ask if she made it to work ok. when I said I did not know she said that I should have.

 

 

These are just some of the things that happened to me

Does this sound like Histrionic traits to you or is it something else

thanks for your opinion

[Beaten_down]

We were together for a total of 6 months

[TaraMaiden]

Ferchrissakes, what a fekkin' drama queen!

Insecure, passive-aggressive, manipulating and controlling.

 

And those might just be her good points.....!

 

I dread to think what her behaviour is doing to her kid.... how many guys can he call "mom's friend" until he gets that she has way too many of those to be healthy....??

 

 

Quit jumping to her every beck and call - she's with another guy now.

And get this: She's had sex with him.

That is to say - he has been between her legs.

 

Sorry to be so blunt about it - but all this "I miss you" crap - is just crap, Precisely because while she says she's been missing you, her actions would indicate strongly that she only misses you because you are a great back-up option and second choice.

 

The only reason she can break No Contact, is because you respond.

 

Stop responding, replying reacting or even giving any hint you have a pulse!

Kick her to the kerb, block HER number, delete her e-mail address and wipe her off your radar completely.

have nothing more to do with her, ever again.

Seriously.

[Beaten_down]

Thanks Tara for responding

This whole thing started when she broke up with me back in February and she destroyed me emotionally I stopped eating and sleeping

 

I am doing much better now because I really believe that she has a personality disorder and she is never going to find happiness

 

When I tried to get her back I poured out my heart and soul to her telling her I loved her and how I wanted a future with her but it did not matter

 

And I know Im getting better because even though part of me still cares and I dont know why

 

I know I am much better off and I have a date coming up with a woman who seems very sweet so its been a long road with a lot of pain but i am seeing some light at the end of the tunnel now

 

Thanks again Tara it was good to hear a unbiased opinion

[Beaten_down]

The biggest issue I have right now is I still have love in my heart for her. She has made it clear she does not love me and we are not getting back together. Yet I still keep getting emails and text messages from her. Although I know I should ignore the contact I cant stop myself from responding.

 

I know this is hurting me emotionally but I cant stop, She has supposedly moved on to her next guy, I am sure that at some point that too will end up horribly for him. Her ex husband lived with it for 13 years and one day just walked out.

So I know there is a problem, I have no idea if its Histrionic behavior or not. It appears to fit some of the traits .

 

All I know is I have never been through something this difficult before ever. I feel emotionally destroyed and helpless.

I miss her even after all that she put me through its like a addiction or something.

 

I dont know how this will turn out, I have to keep fighting the urge to email her telling her how I feel because part of me does not want to give her the satisfaction or another shot at feeding her ego again.

Which is why she probably stays in contact with me, And asks questions like "how r you" and "how is the dating going"

 

I try my best to be vague and not provide to much info because I know its not out of actual concern for me, Its primarily for her she wants to hear how miserable I am and that the dating is not going well. I guess that would provide her with some kind of ego fix or something.

 

Thank God for these boards as it has brought me some comfort being able to say things and hear from others.

[TaraMaiden]

The biggest issue I have right now is I still have love in my heart for her. She has made it clear she does not love me and we are not getting back together. Yet I still keep getting emails and text messages from her. Although I know I should ignore the contact I cant stop myself from responding.

 

In that case, you need to start a new e-mail account, and get a new phone number.

You have to stop yourself. Seriously - you HAVE To.

Realise that what she is doing, is NOT because she loves you.

She doesn't love you, and has no respect for you.

At - All.

 

If she had an ounce of either, she would either be doing her damnest to get you back, or she would be ignoring you completely.

As it is, she's throwing you breadcrumbs, and is keeping you dangling, on a back-burner.

Hell, whatever she says to you is of no relevance whatsoever.

She couldn't give a schytt how you are, or how the dating's going.... (although it would be interesting to see how she reacts if you wrote back - "have met this wonderful girl, and we make each other happy, so please don't contact me any more".... But I think that would just increase the drama.)

 

In fact, not only does she not give a phlyingphukk about how you feel, I think she's most probably delighted if you tell her that the dating is stagnant, and you're getting nowhere.

 

I think she probably believes she has rightful ownership of you.

 

I know this is hurting me emotionally but I cant stop, She has supposedly moved on to her next guy, I am sure that at some point that too will end up horribly for him. Her ex husband lived with it for 13 years and one day just walked out.

You can stop - it's just that you don't want to. You relish the drama of how this is affecting your life.

 

So tell me - honest now - how's it working for you?

Building your future?

Giving you confidence?

Boosting your self-esteem?

Feeding your dignity?

 

You have to stop being a total chump.

This isn't funny.

This is deadly serious - you are jeopardising your character, self-confidence and growth.

 

So I know there is a problem, I have no idea if its Histrionic behavior or not. It appears to fit some of the traits .

 

All I know is I have never been through something this difficult before ever. I feel emotionally destroyed and helpless.

I miss her even after all that she put me through its like a addiction or something.

You're right, it is. It's a dependency - and exactly like a drug dependency, you have to come off it, because it destroys you, and destroys those around you who really value you.

Please, do everything you can to enable your moving forward positively.

Change your 'phone number.

Shut down your e-mail address, transfer all important, relevant and meaningful references and delete the old account.

Delete every single message she has ever sent, and block her off everywhichway you can....

It's an addiction, and the way yo recover, is to cut out the dangerous, destructive and addictive element.

 

I dont know how this will turn out, I have to keep fighting the urge to email her telling her how I feel because part of me does not want to give her the satisfaction or another shot at feeding her ego again.

Which is why she probably stays in contact with me, And asks questions like "how r you" and "how is the dating going"

Good.

you recognise that this is her ego, not her affection, her spite not her kindness, her manipulation, not gentleness or caring....

Ask yourself really, why you would permit someone to exert such control over you, when you would be doing your damnest to help rescue someone else form exactly the same disastrous, self-destructive behaviour....?

Why do you need to keep doing this to yourself?

 

I try my best to be vague and not provide to much info because I know its not out of actual concern for me, Its primarily for her she wants to hear how miserable I am and that the dating is not going well. I guess that would provide her with some kind of ego fix or something.

You know.

You know all this, and you're so right.

So you see it. You know it. You recognise it. You acknowledge it.

yet you cannot explain why you do it.

And you keep doing it.

Turn towards me, so I can give you a good slappin'.....!

 

You'd never pick up a red-hot poker.

You'd never pick up a Black mamba.

You'd never stick needles in your eyes.

you'd never pass razor-wire up one nostril and pull it down the other.

 

And yet.... this all seems ok to you??

 

Thank God for these boards as it has brought me some comfort being able to say things and hear from others.

 

Have you changed your 'phone yet?

Have you activated a new e-mail addy yet?

 

WHY NOT - ?!?

Edited April 24, 2011 by TaraMaiden

[GrayClouds]

.

^^Does not get much better then this one!

[Beaten_down]

Thank You Tara, I am trying very hard and I am gonna use your strength in what you write to help me.

 

Everytime I feel weak about this I am gonna read what you wrote

I will find peace!

[TaraMaiden]

You need to print this out -

 

I would never pick up a red hot poker - but I get burned every time I talk her.

I would never pick up a Black mamba - but she's poison to me, and her words are sheer venom.

I would never stick needles in my eyes - yet I'm so blinded by emotion, all I can see is the pain it causes me.

I would never pass razor-wire up one nostril and pull it down the other - but the torture I inflict upon myself, leaves me screaming in pain, and desperate for the hurt to stop.

 

All I have to do - is not comply.

All I have to do - is make it easier for myself, by making it impossible for her.

All I have to do - is refuse to give up my power, because all it does is make the hurt stronger.

Why should I enable someone to slowly suck the life from me?

Why am I willingly giving someone access to my most fragile self, when I know that all they'll do is crush it underfoot?

 

If she tries to draw me in - why should I tell myself I can't fight it, when I know I'm lying?

Why am I doing this to myself, and as such treating me worse than she does?

How can I willingly let myself go through this kind of pain?

 

Why the Ph-uckk should I - ?!?

[TaraMaiden]

@ GreyClouds:

 

(((((Hugs!!)))))

[reallyconfused2542]

tara-can i tell you thats prob the most amazing thing that i have ever read. you are truely an enlightened person. how long did that tak to come about and do you practice what you preach?

[TaraMaiden]

tara-can i tell you thats prob the most amazing thing that i have ever read.

That's probably not true... I'm sure you must have read other amazing stuff....it's just a question of what resonates at the time. Sometimes, things don't hit you in the eye, because you're not on the right wavelength.... and then other things do, because your 'receiving' mechanism is open to suggestion, and it just clicks....

 

you are truely an enlightened person.

Oh, goodness, me, no way, get outta here!

Absolutely not! For a start, I swear like a trooper....!

 

how long did that tak to come about...

 

Years. Years and years of experience, fall-backs, repeating mistakes, and learning. There comes a time in everyone's life when you look in the morror and you have to say "What I'm doing, isn't working. And if it's not working, why am I still doing it?"

That's when choice comes in.

There's always choice.

Even when we don't believe there is.

 

...and do you practice what you preach?

Yes, I do.

I'd be a damn hypocrite if I didn't....

[GrayClouds]

tara-can i tell you thats prob the most amazing thing that i have ever read. you are truely an enlightened person. how long did that tak to come about and do you practice what you preach?

 

 

When the student is ready, the teacher will come...

[TaraMaiden]

And make absolutely no mistake.

 

I still count myself very much as a student.

[Rosa Tamora]

Beaten Down wrote:

"The biggest issue I have right now is I still have love in my heart for her. She has made it clear she does not love me and we are not getting back together. Yet I still keep getting emails and text messages from her. Although I know I should ignore the contact I cant stop myself from responding. "

 

She sounds like an assclown to me. One minute this, one minute that. It is one thing to work something out with someone who KNOWS what they WANT, then it's something else altogether to work it out with someone who doesn't know and keeps pushing and pulling. Waste of time!

 

Define assclown:

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/how-to-spot-an-assclown/

 

Get your power back dude.

[Beaten_down]

Tara, I have a question I have been working hard to recover and I am doing well with it.

I have to tell you this though as I would like your opinion and anyone else who may like to contribute.

 

The ex has found out that I have someone to date and now I am getting messages from her saying that she misses me and would like to see us back together. And that she has wanted to tell me for awhile. I am just a little suspicious because its always been a constant no when I was trying to get her back. and now that she finds out I have someone to go out with its I want you back with the full court press.

 

What do you make of that do you think she is sincere or just playing me for a fool.

[TaraMaiden]

Oh puh-leeese....

 

I really, truly cannot even believe you're asking the question!

You're not seriously thinking of playing into this latest gem of a drama, are you??

You're kidding... right??

 

You're "just a little suspicious"....?? Gimme a break, hun!!

 

Sincere - she ain't. (please, don't make me laugh, don't tell me you're even wondering!)

 

The fool is you, if you fall for this ridiculous little game.

And you'll be an even bigger fool if you even so much as think of responding!

Don't even let her imagine you're breathing!

 

I'm actually going to try to pretend you didn't even ask the question.

And I want you to pretend you didn't even think it was a sane idea to ask it....

[GrayClouds]

And make absolutely no mistake.

 

I still count myself very much as a student.

 

We all are, both, student and teacher, I myself usual more of the former the later!