SlowBlues Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 If you want to read my story it's here:http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t271196/ 7 weeks since the breakup, 6 weeks NC. I'm worse now than I've ever been. She's on my mind every second of the day and I miss her so much. I know that I am in no shape to contact her but a big part of me just wants to call her and pour my heart out to her. I am so sad and depressed. I'm doing many things to better myself but I can't shake this horrible anxiety and depression that I'm feeling. I honestly feel that it will never go away and that I will never get over this girl who I love so deeply. I have so many regrets and reflections on the things I did wrong in the relationship that I wish I could relay to her but I know that I can't. Last night I had a dream I was with her and it felt like reality. I had to subconsciously wake myself up because I knew it could only bring me misery after the fact. How do I cope? What do I do? I need some support because the people that I confide in have heard enough of my miserable details.
Fufu Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 Take a deep breathe.............and out........... Firstly, stop dwelling over what your had done in the relationship. They were all past. You are a human being, not a saint, it's absolutely normal to make mistakes. Learned from your mistakes and be a better person. Dwelling them over and over again, it's not going to make you feel any better. You are doing so great for being in NC for 7 weeks, why break your achievement. You don't have to, it's not worth it and you do not deserve going through day 1 NC again. Start changing the way you think about yourself, be positive, tell yourself every morning when you wake up, "I am happy, I'm a happy person."
Author SlowBlues Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 I am planning on breaking NC to send her an email on her birthday in 2 weeks. I feel as if it's a nice gesture and I won't be suggestive of anything other than to wish her a happy bday. If you have the time to read my story Fufu I'd love to have your opinion on it. I feel like there are so many loose ends and my anxiexty that I still have pertains only to the break up, not about myself or about the horrible depression I was in that caused her to be unhappy and ask for a break. I'm just so confused and don't know what to do anymore. Taking things day by day is what I have been doing but it is such a painful process and I feel like I am not making any progress, even though I am.
Fufu Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 (edited) What do you want to achieve by sending her a birthday text? Do you really have no romantic feelings for her anymore? You are always making progress even if you do not feel it that way, be positive. Don't think and feel negatively. Start by saying positive words to yourself every day. When a relationship failed, it's never 1 person's fault. It takes 2 to make it work and takes 2 to break it. I read your story, you actually sounded like me back then. I was too depressed by my previous work, really exhausted and I neglected my ex-bf. To the point I was very harsh to him over some issues. When he broke up with me, I blamed myself for not being understanding to his emotion well-being and one of the reason he told me he chose to leave me because he felt we had many differences and our relationship is destined to fail again. I blame everything on myself and felt lots of guilt. 3 years relationship, bought engagement rings, planned to get engage end of this year........ POOF... vanished. During the process of healing then I realized I had been too hard on myself. I had made mistakes, I learned from them and will not make them again. A serious and committed relationship is also about forgiving each other flaws and mistakes. Who never make mistakes in relationship? We all do, our exes do as well. The point is, whether you can forgive and accept your partner's flaws and mistakes? My ex-bf didn't accept my character flaws. He believed that it will all happen again without giving this relationship a chance to work it all out, to talk and listen to each other face to face, to understand how we can blossom this relationship. (These are all his feelings, I can't change them, only he himself has the power to do so.) My ex-bf had never said he don't love me anymore and he also said because I matter to him a lot that's why he had to break up with me. To me, the reality is he doesn't want to be with me again. Look forward in your life, some people come and go in our lives as much as we dislike to see this happens. From this relationship, I learned greatly about cherishing and treasuring. And when my next relationship comes, I know I will handle my relationship much better. Move on, you can be happy Edited April 23, 2011 by Fufu
ccfan Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 If you read the stories here (and there are SO many of them) there´s a 95% chance that you´ll end up worse by breaking NC than you are now. First you´ll send the message, Then you´ll get anxious when you don´t get the answer right away... and then if you do get the answer it´s never what you wanted it to be and you´ll be back in day one of your breakup.... If you don´t get any answer you´ll either be more depressed (that a given) or attempt a more direct form of contact... no scenario here is good i have to say. Stay no contact, it´s the only way.... and btw´it´s not like i´m healed or anything.. i´m 8 months sice she dumped me and broke NC once, it´s a dissaster... i still feel awful but at least i know i´m doing the right thing and i´m keeping my dignity together. Stay strong brother
silvermane187 Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 If you read the stories here (and there are SO many of them) there´s a 95% chance that you´ll end up worse by breaking NC than you are now. First you´ll send the message, Then you´ll get anxious when you don´t get the answer right away... and then if you do get the answer it´s never what you wanted it to be and you´ll be back in day one of your breakup.... If you don´t get any answer you´ll either be more depressed (that a given) or attempt a more direct form of contact... no scenario here is good i have to say. Stay no contact, it´s the only way.... and btw´it´s not like i´m healed or anything.. i´m 8 months sice she dumped me and broke NC once, it´s a dissaster... i still feel awful but at least i know i´m doing the right thing and i´m keeping my dignity together. Stay strong brother This man speaks the truth. My biggest regret since I got dumped 6 months ago was breaking NC 4-5 times. Don't send her anything on her birthday, she doesn't deserve it and you will only set yourself back.
stopthemadness Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 If you want to read my story it's here:http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t271196/ 7 weeks since the breakup, 6 weeks NC. I'm worse now than I've ever been. She's on my mind every second of the day and I miss her so much. I know that I am in no shape to contact her but a big part of me just wants to call her and pour my heart out to her. I am so sad and depressed. I'm doing many things to better myself but I can't shake this horrible anxiety and depression that I'm feeling. I honestly feel that it will never go away and that I will never get over this girl who I love so deeply. I have so many regrets and reflections on the things I did wrong in the relationship that I wish I could relay to her but I know that I can't. Last night I had a dream I was with her and it felt like reality. I had to subconsciously wake myself up because I knew it could only bring me misery after the fact. How do I cope? What do I do? I need some support because the people that I confide in have heard enough of my miserable details. I agree with everyone else on here. Dont send her a Happy Birthday email. No good can come from it! It may seem like its comming slow but for every day that goes by, you are healing. Ive been broke up with my ex for going on 9 months. But only just a little over 3 months of N/C. Iam telling you I ONLY really started healing when i stoped all contact. Like you, i would dream about him, at first i wasnt sleeping good or eating the whole nine. But time has a way of healing our broken hearts weather we want it to or not. Iam doing Sooo much better now Hang in there, keep busy. Reach out to family and friends go visit them, call them. But make it a point NOT to say the ex"s name. Thats what I had to do! I had to MAKE my self not say his name. It worked too, cause after a while you just get used to talking about something else. The best gift we can give ours ex"s is the gift of missing us.
ccfan Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 I agree with everyone else on here. Dont send her a Happy Birthday email. No good can come from it! It may seem like its comming slow but for every day that goes by, you are healing. Ive been broke up with my ex for going on 9 months. But only just a little over 3 months of N/C. Iam telling you I ONLY really started healing when i stoped all contact. Like you, i would dream about him, at first i wasnt sleeping good or eating the whole nine. But time has a way of healing our broken hearts weather we want it to or not. Iam doing Sooo much better now Hang in there, keep busy. Reach out to family and friends go visit them, call them. But make it a point NOT to say the ex"s name. Thats what I had to do! I had to MAKE my self not say his name. It worked too, cause after a while you just get used to talking about something else. The best gift we can give ours ex"s is the gift of missing us. Now.... THIS is pure genious!!!! great advice right there
Author SlowBlues Posted April 24, 2011 Author Posted April 24, 2011 As if right on cue, after I've had one of the roughest, most anxiety filled days of my life, my ex texts me out of nowhere last night at 1am. Pretty ironic that she does this the day I post a thread about wanting to break NC. We texted back and forth for about 40 minutes. I played it super cool, didn't disclose any details and didn't come off as needy or desperate. At one point she said that she was "sorry for messaging you out of nowhere like this, i know it's not very fair of me" to which i responded "it is pretty unexpected but you don't need to apologize. it has been a while but it's nice to hear from you". she responded to that with "i know, it really has", which to me signaled the end of the conversation, so i politely said I had to go to bed as it was late and i have a busy day tomorrow and good night." she responded "good night" and that was that. I am now going back into NC, she reached out and it was obviously amazing to hear from her and shows that she still cares for me, but I'll take it as crumbs for now and see what happens. Thank you guys for you support.How do you think i did?
GrayClouds Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 If your goal was to let her know you to stroke her ego and let her know you are there for her anytime she needs a stoke then you did great. If your goal is to heal yourself, discover what in life beyond this relationship makes you happy, and possible meet someone who truly cares about you then not so well. It is time to look beyond her to make you feel better. What your going through is very difficult but as long as you allow her to control your emotions it is not going to get easier. So it time to start doing things that will make yourself feel good which means pushing her out of your head get busy with living your life by starting some new hobbies, hinging with friends and family, get out and exercise the anxiety and depression away, and all other the other positive things that help. Good luck it does get better, specially if you work at it.
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