Are girls only attracted to Loud Confident guys? never seen girls attracted to me

[PJKino]

Agreed! I want other people to like my man too. It shows value in both him and me.

 

 

lol at this.Sounds like status and impressing others is way too important for you

 

You and your mates "value" should not be whats important

[Ruby Slippers]

I am drawn to intellectual, sensitive men, and they are usually on the quieter side. However, he needs to be assertive enough to take charge, make a reasonable amount of conversation in social situations, be proactive in problem situations, and speak up about what he likes and doesn't like.

 

And, most importantly, to approach me.

 

I like the 'walk softly and carry a big stick' kind of guys, not the loudmouth spotlight hogs. In a crowd, I am always turned off by the rampant talkers, and drawn to the guys who observe and contribute only when they have something really interesting or worthwhile to offer.

 

The ideal situation is that this guy spots me, and we find our own spot to hang out and have a deeper conversation, one on one.

 

But the reality is that this kind of guy usually just makes repeated lingering eye contact with me and never comes up to talk, and I'm standing there wondering, "What are you waiting for? Come over here so we can get to the good stuff soon!!"

[gaius]

lol at this.Sounds like status and impressing others is way too important for you

 

You and your mates "value" should not be whats important

 

Nothing wrong with admitting a guy being popular is a turn on.

 

Expecting women to pay attention to you when you're so slothful you won't even contribute to regular conversation is pretty unrealistic. I'm pretty sure you would pick a more socially valued girl like Gisele Bundchen over one less valued such as Roseanne Barr if you had a choice. It's pretty hypocritical to attack biscuit for doing the same thing.

[PJKino]

Nothing wrong with admitting a guy being popular is a turn on.

 

Expecting women to pay attention to you when you're so slothful you won't even contribute to regular conversation is pretty unrealistic. I'm pretty sure you would pick a more socially valued girl like Gisele Bundchen over one less valued such as Roseanne Barr if you had a choice. It's pretty hypocritical to attack biscuit for doing the same thing.

 

I could care less about "value" or how popular she is what her value is to me is the only important thing.That's such high school mentality..if youre an adult you have issues if you still hold popularity and value in high regards for a partner..

 

Of course you dont want your partner to be socially retarded or somebody who cant communciate but that has nothing to do with value popularity or status it has to do with being able to create a bond and communicate in a relationship which is very important

Edited April 23, 2011 by PJKino

[quietGuy13]

I'm socially retarded. So that makes me crap?

[PJKino]

I'm socially retarded. So that makes me crap?

 

No it just makes it harder for you to get into a relationship,im pretty quiet myself and fear approaching random women so i recognize its a hurdle for me i have to get over..

[gaius]

I could care less about "value" or how popular she is what her value is to me is the only important thing.That's such high school mentality..if youre an adult you have issues if you still hold popularity and value in high regards for a partner..

 

Well you're a guy and she's a girl, the thinking is a little different. Women do place value on how you're seen by society, it's why you hear so many stories about girls becoming attracted to their bosses and professors. As ruby and jazz pointed out, you don't have to be the alpha male in the crowd to get attention but you do have to maintain a certain amount of respect. It's the same in high school and when your 90.

 

I'm socially retarded. So that makes me crap?

 

Nope, PJ has the right attitude. One of the best ways to stimulate a woman is through conversation, and your not having any conversations. You have to stimulate them if you want some attention in return. You can work through your discomfort over time if you put in the effort and start talking to people.

Edited April 23, 2011 by gaius

[BiscuitXOXO]

lol at this.Sounds like status and impressing others is way too important for you

 

You and your mates "value" should not be whats important

 

I used the word "value" because yes, it is important to me. It's not the only thing that I consider, but it is a factor. I don't mean like, he has to be rich or handsome or popular, but I DO want my family and friends to consider him a good man for me. If they don't, I would wonder if I'm being blinded by an infatuation. What's so wrong with that?

 

I don't care about impressing others. I just don't want someone who would embarrass me. Because that is just...embarrassing. And also someone who would fit in with my social group. Because that's good

[orangelady]

I'm pretty sure you would pick a more socially valued girl like Gisele Bundchen over one less valued such as Roseanne Barr if you had a choice.

 

LOL!!!!!!

 

The only glaring difference we are all sure of is Gisele is a hot model and Roseanne Barr is a donut. And you said "socially valued" LOL yeah for her as* she is!!! Hahahaha you're funny oh boy this one got me falling off my chair, thanks for the laugh

[Mrlonelyone]

I'm in that exact same situation. I am a quiet and timid girl and I always go unnoticed. But I found out that it's not always about character traits. It always is about looks. It's complete double standards.

 

For example, if an ugly guy is shy he is labelled boring and weird, when a good looking guy is shy, he's adorable or possibly mysterious. When an ugly guy is an idiot he's an idiot, when a good looking guy is an idiot, he's a bad boy. When an ugly girl is a bit clumsy, she's stupid, when a good looking is clumsy she is ditsy and adorable. When an ugly girl has a boring personality, she's boring, when a good looking girl has a boring personality she's sensible, sophisticated and nice. It's complete double standards for good looking people. No matter what personality flaw they have if they're good looking people will dress it up as something else.

 

^This.

 

All BS aside looks are the best introduction to a potential mate. Being shy and quiet isn't a problem for 7-10 on the scale. (According to stats form hot or not scores 7 and above are hotter thatn 2/3rds of people.)

 

Quiet guy. Go to the gym and get ripped. Get plastic surgery to fix your face up... even if you really don't need it. Get sclupted like a greek god or a Soap Opera star and you can be as quiet as a church mouse and you'll get women.

 

That's a horrible shallow thing to say but it is true. Most of the rest of what people say about attraction is just there to convince ourselves that, in the crucial early stages, we aren't all about looks.

 

but I DO want my family and friends to consider him a good man for me

 

Biscuit is only telling the truth. To women especailly young women what her family friends, passers by, and utterly random people think of both her man, and her and her man as a pairing matters as much if not more than any of his qualities.

 

The negative social pressure of a disapproved of parining is not something that most young women have the mettle to withstand. Popularity is just too important to them.

Edited April 24, 2011 by Mrlonelyone

[BiscuitXOXO]

The negative social pressure of a disapproved of parining is not something that most young women have the mettle to withstand. Popularity is just too important to them.

Thanks XP though I wouldn't say popularity. More like approval.

[betterdeal]

It's also just sh*t introducing someone to your friends and family, only for them to be non-communicative with them. Whether that person be a friend, colleague, f*ck buddy, lover, partner - whatever.

[nlpman]

Hi Quietguy,

 

Could you please answer just one question,

the answer is very important.

 

Imagine that tonight you go asleep, while you are asleep a miracle happens, the changes in you that you want occur and your problems dissappear. The thing is you are asleep so you dont know that everything is now fine.

The question is:

When you wake up tomorrow, what will you notice that will show you that now things are different?

How will you know that now you have changed for the better

How will you feel as you realize that you are now acting in the way that you have wanted

 

Please think carefully Quietguy before you answer

[Eclypse]

I used to have (and still do to an extent) a stuttering problem. So I can empathize in some way. There's a word you want to say but you just can't and then people stare at you and ugh it makes me shiver with embarrassment recalling. There's no quick fix though. You'll just have to get out and practice talking. It'll be ugly initially but you will improve.

 

Also, why is it for everyone here in this thread: quiet = boring??? It's not like that always. Can't generalise.

[Ross MwcFan]

That's a good start. Most of the time I was mumbling I wasn't sure of what I was saying. The major reason for that was not knowing how to say what I wanted to say. Enter assertiveness techniques, NLP and just picking up ideas from other people. Now I don't take any of these things as gospel, but it has helped to read differing ideas about how to relate to people, and also how to see things not as threats but as something that can be enjoyed. Learn how to laugh off your own imperfections and you'll feel more confident because you'll know that when you do make a mistake, you can recover from it better, and so make less mistakes because you're more confident.

 

It's just a new project.

 

Yup, I struggle a lot of times with not knowing how to say what I want to say, and it can sometimes come out sounding a bit nonsensical.

[Darren Taylor]

The negative social pressure of a disapproved of parining is not something that most young women have the mettle to withstand. Popularity is just too important to them.

 

 

Unfortunately, most women have low self-esteem, need constant reassurance, and care what others think. It's not the way to live and they're only hurting themselves.

[PJKino]

Unfortunately, most women have low self-esteem, need constant reassurance, and care what others think. It's not the way to live and they're only hurting themselves.

 

It is sad allot of women never get out of that high school mentality of staus and approval from others

 

Plus Men are expected to be superhuman invunerable robots who are never phased because women always worry and have low self esteem and insecurities

[Mrlonelyone]

Its an evolutionary thing. Social status has always mattered. The only problem is when that status overrides every other consideration, or the status is not really merited.

 

The problem is some women realize whats important only after wasting time with men who have none of that. They confuse a flashy car and being a loudmouth for confidence and wealth.

 

If its any consolation quiet guy... evolutionarily the loudest man who thumped his chest did not win. While the quiet philosophical ones did... because they made weapons. Then got loud.

 

[BiscuitXOXO]

Caring how I appear to my family and friends = low self esteem and high school mentality?!!

 

If anything, it shows HIGH self esteem for thinking highly enough of myself to want to be ambitious and look good and successful. If I SERIOUSLY did not care what others thought of me, I'd dress in loose pants and t-shirts, NEVER wear makeup, NEVER take care of my hair and skin, NEVER smile and approach strangers. I could just live in a happy bubble and be perfectly fine. But I feel that I can do BETTER than live like a slob.

 

For those people who think that I should want to look good just for myself and not for others, WHO ARE YOU KIDDING? I think I look perfectly fine w/o any dressing up, but SOCIETY doesn't! The hard fact is, ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE can get more positive attention. If I want to put my best face out there, I have to do certain things.

 

And the guy I'm with has to understand that as well.

 

It's not limited to girls either. Some women think, when they get married, they can just let themselves go since their husbands will love them no matter what. And even though their husbands SHOULD love them no matter what, it's true that in their hearts they would wish that their wife would take care of themselves more. They don't have to look fresh young and perky; just DECENT, as if they TRIED. So men do this too.

 

Everyone cares what others think of them, whether they are in high school or retired. The trick is to not care enough to be hurt by negative opinions.

 

Oh, and men DON'T have to be "superhuman invulnerable robots." Just willing to stand up for justice, honest, loyal, funny, and willing to try new things. And head over heels in love with me. That's all. I like to believe I have those qualities. So I know it's possible.

Edited April 24, 2011 by BiscuitXOXO

[Mrlonelyone]

There is a difference between caring what people think and letting that rule your personal life.

[BiscuitXOXO]

There is a difference between caring what people think and letting that rule your personal life.

Ok, I agree. Dating someone who everyone pressures you into dating is lame. Breaking up with someone who everyone pressures you into breaking up with is also lame.

 

But realistically, if the end goal is to spend the rest of your life with someone, I'd hope that the someone was socially accepted into your social group. Or somewhere down the road, it will cause problems.

[Mrlonelyone]

Consider all the interracial relationships. On balance such relationships are never fully and totally accepted by both persons social circles.

 

In general to be honest most relationships I know of that last end up reforming the social circles of the people in them, over time. If you know you want to spend your life with someone, they have been around for a good long while, and aren't leaving... and some "friends" aren't happy for you... then reconsider who your friends are.

 

(Yet don't do that after a few dates like so many people do.. that's a mistake too.)

[betterdeal]

Yup, I struggle a lot of times with not knowing how to say what I want to say, and it can sometimes come out sounding a bit nonsensical.

 

That's okay, it's 50% how we say it and 50% what we say that matters. What women - and men - like is spontaneity. That comes from not second guessing oneself, and that comes from knowing oneself well. Knowing what we feel makes us genuine, spontaneous. It takes practice, but you get used to feeling how you feel and behaving accordingly, and behaving (speaking is behaving) in accordance with your feelings gives you confidence, because you are saying what you mean.

 

It becomes a virtuous circle.

[gaius]

Hahahaha you're funny oh boy this one got me falling off my chair, thanks for the laugh

 

You're very welcome

 

Unfortunately, most women have low self-esteem, need constant reassurance, and care what others think. It's not the way to live and they're only hurting themselves.

 

It's not about low self-esteem, it's just one of the things that make us tick sexually. The most confident guy is going to have trouble performing if his girlfriend says he's the worst she's ever had and has the smallest package ever witnessed. A healthy girl will be equally bummed out if all her friends are asking “what are you doing with HIM?”