hearttopieces Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 Instead of having an honest conversation, they will simply start avoiding the person they used to love once. Without explanation. A lot of people ask for help online when wanting to break up with someone. A person they date but with whom they don't "feel the chemistry". A friend with benefits. Even a boyfriend or a girlfriend they have been seeing for some time. All I can say is, WTF???? Every time I read something along the lines of "do I just disappear, or do I tell him....??", I feel so miserable, crushed and sad, I just want to lock myself and cry. Because it just hurts so much. It hurts that a person you loved does not even respect you enough to tell it to your face. Someone who has done this before, can you tell me why? Why is it so hard to tell a person you don't want to see them anymore?? Is it really easier to try to avoid seeing them, turning your head away, not answering messages while the person you are avoiding still cares about you and has no idea about what is going on? And has hopes? I need one person to tell me one good reason.
Kilty Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I understand how you must feel I guess as human beings, unless you are self centred and heartless, most of us do not want to hurt someone. We all would know how it feels if somebody said "i dont love you anymore" to us so we know the affect it would have on someone we say it to. This really only applies if there was no obvious reason for a breakup and most commonly happens when a relationship has run it's course. I am not saying this is your situation - it could be the other party is unconfrontational and doesnt want to fight or argue. It could also mean they arent really that into you anymore There are a few scenarios and one easy answer doesnt apply im afraid. Alternatively like in my situation a couple may never really talk about important things or where the relationship is going. And if one of the parties has been hurt or let down in the past (in my situation we both had) this makes it even harder to convey your true feelings, makes you think about negative things too much and reaching out becomes the hard option, and giving up becomes the easy way out as you believe it will save you a lot of heartache. Commitment issues and immaturity can also play a big part in this type of behaviour. Almost inevitably though a lot of times the person refusing to talk will eventually say something unless they do not have a conscience so thats all i can hope for in your situation
ilovedhim Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 absolutely you have to tell the other person you're leaving and why. but even then i really don't see that as closure. in my opinion closure can come later but isn't necessary after severalmonths of nc. and honestly how much respect goes into dumping someone? essentially you're hurting another human being. the last convo i had with my ex 2 weeks ago i told he hurt me. i expected him to atleast try to make it right. he didn't and instead just pressed me to tell him we need to avoid contact, he hung up on me! then sent me some nasty texts. i never responded. why would i respond? why would i make anymore contact with him? more humiliation and vicious lies? maybe he is expecting me to call and explain. but sometimes it's best to just leave things even if they're unfinished.
Eeyore79 Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 Some people are selfish cowards. By disappearing, they save themselves the hassle of having to explain that they don't want to date the other person any more - but they don't even think about how much harder they're making it for the other person, they only consider how much easier it is for themselves. Selfish, selfish, selfish. The other person goes through ten times the heartbreak by being strung along and feeling hurt for weeks or months, trying to initiate contact and wondering why their SO isn't responding, running through things in their head and trying to convince themselves that everything will be fine, and worrying about what's gong to happen. A clean break would be so much easier; at least then the person wouldn't be wondering what's happening. They'd know for certain that the relationship was over, and could begin to let go and heal, instead of sustaining hope for months on end. It doesn't matter if you used to love the other person, or whether they're just a short term relationship or a FWB - whatever the circumstances, you should still have the decency to tell the other person that the relationship is over.
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