sayitasitis Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I just got to know some new girl friends. One of them decided to plan a girly trip for all of us, which is great. But out of the six of us, half of them are either married or have SOs. To them, it's a girly trip. To me, it's just a trip since I don't have an SO at the moment. There's a pang of jealousy that hit me. To those three girls, they have the cake and can eat it. They have SOs and they get to have girl friends for girly stuff. This post probably sounds a little silly but it's one of those nights that I feel a little sappy. Anyways, anyone feels similarly with regards to girls that have both SOs and girl friends? Aren't they the luckiest bunch?
AzaleaBelle Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I moved to be with my SO and haven't met any girl friends up here since I work at home. There is a noticeable difference in my social life. And not in a good way. There are things my girl friends give that my boyfriend never will - and shouldn't. lol. I miss my girl friends at home and plan to indulge myself completely when I go home in a week. I miss our girl's night, late night wine sessions, board games and gossip. I miss their advice and gentleness. How much they care about what's going on with you. And to have someone to cry to when SO is being a dick. But yes, to have both is incredibly lucky. I wish I did.
Author sayitasitis Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 I moved to be with my SO and haven't met any girl friends up here since I work at home. There is a noticeable difference in my social life. And not in a good way. There are things my girl friends give that my boyfriend never will - and shouldn't. lol. I miss my girl friends at home and plan to indulge myself completely when I go home in a week. I miss our girl's night, late night wine sessions, board games and gossip. I miss their advice and gentleness. How much they care about what's going on with you. And to have someone to cry to when SO is being a dick. But yes, to have both is incredibly lucky. I wish I did. This is a crazy question but I still want to ask. If you have to choose, would you pick your girl friends or your SO?
AzaleaBelle Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I wouldn't think I'd ever have to choose. If it was a situation where it was girls night out and my boyfriend really wanted to hang out, which wouldn't happen because we live together. I'd still go to girls night. He'd be fine with it. We are adults and all get along. I couldn't imagine one or the other making me choose between them. But it one of them was like, "It's me or him" or he said "It's her or me." I'd have to choose the one that is NOT giving me the ultimatum.
Els Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I have always found SOs to be more loyal than friends, although that's really just a personal opinion since I've had several friends turn out to not give a damn about me when I needed them, whereas I've never been betrayed by a SO. I think people with support in all 3 areas of their lives: Family (siblings and parents and children), friends, and SO, are the luckiest. I'm lucky to have a great SO, and a few great friends, although those friends and I are spread in multiple places across the globe now so girls' nights out are kinda a thing of the past.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I found (some friends) to be more loyal than SOs. I have been friends with my current best friend for 7 years and we have had ups and downs but the friendship endures. Both of us are super understanding when one of us gets a new boyfriend and don't get pissed if we have less time for each other. When she had a serious boyfriend, she did invite me out with them a lot. Now that I have one, I am returning the favor. I also have outstanding support from my parents and brother. They are literally so loving, caring and selfless towards me that it makes me cry Having a SO was more challenging. Somehow, my luck with men has been really bad and I have been mistreated and abandoned more times than I can count.
Stung Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 Yeah, they are lucky. We moved to an island a few months ago and I don't have any real friends here yet; my close longtime girlfriends all live in two other cities I used to live in, or in other countries. Before we moved to the island, we were living in a college town where I didn't know anybody either. I like the island a lot, I love my family, but sometimes I do feel lonely. I miss living in the city with my friends closer to me. I do go visit for a couple of days a couple of times a year, stay with family and try to get a couple of lunches or dinners out with the girls. We talk on the phone or email sometimes but it's definitely not the same, and it's hard to find the time for it on a regular basis. I joined a couple of classes recently partly to meet more people, and I am actively encouraging my best gay friend to move here--he's thinking about it for next year, and I am doing everything in my power to make it an extremely attractive prospect for him
AzaleaBelle Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I'm always trying to import my friends from Alabama. I'm the kind of person it takes a while to get to know. I miss the people who know me. lol. So, I feel you.
Enchanted Girl Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I just got to know some new girl friends. One of them decided to plan a girly trip for all of us, which is great. But out of the six of us, half of them are either married or have SOs. To them, it's a girly trip. To me, it's just a trip since I don't have an SO at the moment. There's a pang of jealousy that hit me. To those three girls, they have the cake and can eat it. They have SOs and they get to have girl friends for girly stuff. This post probably sounds a little silly but it's one of those nights that I feel a little sappy. Anyways, anyone feels similarly with regards to girls that have both SOs and girl friends? Aren't they the luckiest bunch? They are lucky. I try to have both at once, but for some reason, it's really hard, but I am happiest when I have both at the same time.
Els Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 They are lucky. I try to have both at once, but for some reason, it's really hard, but I am happiest when I have both at the same time. It is, yes! I think part of the reason for me is that everyone with half a brain wanted to leave my homeland for a chance at a better life, so it's tough maintaining friendships when everyone's leaving.
Stung Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I'm always trying to import my friends from Alabama. I'm the kind of person it takes a while to get to know. I miss the people who know me. lol. So, I feel you. Yeah, I get along with people fairly easily and I make a lot of friendly acquaintanceships, but I rarely find people I can get really close to and open up with. Right now I'm working from home in the mornings and then I'm home some more with the kids the rest of the day, so it's hard to meet anybody but other mommies, and I'll be honest: a lot of the other mommies I've been meeting so far are kind of boring and only want to talk about mommy things. My husband is my best friend but he works a lot so I'm a little starved for adult company. I would kill to have a good girlfriend living around here.
orangelady Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I just got to know some new girl friends. One of them decided to plan a girly trip for all of us, which is great. But out of the six of us, half of them are either married or have SOs. To them, it's a girly trip. To me, it's just a trip since I don't have an SO at the moment. There's a pang of jealousy that hit me. To those three girls, they have the cake and can eat it. They have SOs and they get to have girl friends for girly stuff. This post probably sounds a little silly but it's one of those nights that I feel a little sappy. Anyways, anyone feels similarly with regards to girls that have both SOs and girl friends? Aren't they the luckiest bunch? I have no SO and no girl friends.
Author sayitasitis Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 If only I find men to date as easily as I make female friends. I'm amazed by my ability to pull girl friends. My dream is to have an SO and my girl friends.
zengirl Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 Of course, it's luckier to have the fullest life possible. I love my friends (male and female) but I'm always a bit happier when I have a partner to share things with. And having the ultimate partner (the one I marry) will be the best, because we can build things together and be a real team. That's awesome! But it would be made more awesome by maintaining great friends, not to mention an engaging career, active hobbies, etc. I mean, the dream is ultimately the fullest most fulfilling life possible, right? But there will always be times where one area or another falls short, too.
lemonlegs Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 (edited) I have always found SOs to be more loyal than friends, although that's really just a personal opinion since I've had several friends turn out to not give a damn about me when I needed them, whereas I've never been betrayed by a SO. I think people with support in all 3 areas of their lives: Family (siblings and parents and children), friends, and SO, are the luckiest. I'm lucky to have a great SO, and a few great friends, although those friends and I are spread in multiple places across the globe now so girls' nights out are kinda a thing of the past. Though my situation isn't exactly the same,I know what you mean. Although, I have been betrayed by an SO as well. All of my friends have turned out to be not so loyal to me. To this day, I feel as though I don't really have a girlfriend that will be there 100% unconditionally when I need someone to talk to. My boyfriend's always there for me but I notice that I'm starting to get bitchy when he always wants to do stuff with his guy friends. I resent it in a way because 1. I don't even find that hanging out with a group of girls is all that fun (well, the ones I hangout with anyways) and 2. I honestly can't just call anyone up and ask them to hangout casually. How depressing.... the worst part is, I'm in no way quiet or an unfriendly person. Never imagined myself in this position.... I have more guy friends that I'd feel more comfortable talking to than the girls I know. Edited April 23, 2011 by lemonlegs
Author sayitasitis Posted April 24, 2011 Author Posted April 24, 2011 I have always found SOs to be more loyal than friends, although that's really just a personal opinion since I've had several friends turn out to not give a damn about me when I needed them, whereas I've never been betrayed by a SO. I found (some friends) to be more loyal than SOs. Though my situation isn't exactly the same,I know what you mean. Although, I have been betrayed by an SO as well. All of my friends have turned out to be not so loyal to me. To this day, I feel as though I don't really have a girlfriend that will be there 100% unconditionally when I need someone to talk to. My boyfriend's always there for me but I notice that I'm starting to get bitchy when he always wants to do stuff with his guy friends. I resent it in a way because 1. I don't even find that hanging out with a group of girls is all that fun (well, the ones I hangout with anyways) and 2. I honestly can't just call anyone up and ask them to hangout casually. My friends have been there for me most of the time. If not for them, I don't know how I would have gone through my breakups. Though a handful of girl friends have pissed me off and one big common factor was that they started to disappear after finding SOs. With such girl friends, I just wish them luck in their relationships because they won't have my shoulders to cry on if they need it. lemonlegs, for me it's quite the opposite. I have friends to call up to hang out casually. But when it comes to holidays (major or minor), it's a little trickier and that makes me feel lonely.
Els Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 My friends have been there for me most of the time. If not for them, I don't know how I would have gone through my breakups. Though a handful of girl friends have pissed me off and one big common factor was that they started to disappear after finding SOs. With such girl friends, I just wish them luck in their relationships because they won't have my shoulders to cry on if they need it. Yeah, I think this is pretty common. Basically, the culture where I come from is that SOs are typically given priority over friends. So there is no point putting your friends first when they will just put their SOs first when they have them. I have had plenty of friends, both male and female, disappearing off the face of the earth once they got an SO. So really, it's more like, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. They aren't going to put me first, so I should put my SO first since he does. If you get the point. I also think zengirl made a very good post - one should always aim for everything, though one shouldn't beat themselves up too much for lacking in some areas.
eerie_reverie Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 I've always wanted girl friends even more than I've wanted and SO, but girls bewilder me. I have trouble making and keeping girl friendships. Yes, those girls are indeed lucky.
Author sayitasitis Posted April 24, 2011 Author Posted April 24, 2011 Yeah, I think this is pretty common. Basically, the culture where I come from is that SOs are typically given priority over friends. So there is no point putting your friends first when they will just put their SOs first when they have them. I have had plenty of friends, both male and female, disappearing off the face of the earth once they got an SO. So really, it's more like, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. They aren't going to put me first, so I should put my SO first since he does. If you get the point. I also think zengirl made a very good post - one should always aim for everything, though one shouldn't beat themselves up too much for lacking in some areas. Yes, I do that too. At least to those I feel that have done that. Otherwise, I didn't dump friends when I had SOs because I don't want to have no shoulders to cry on should the relationships not work out. I also tend not to want to hang out much with new girl friends with SOs because I figured what's the point? A lot of times, they only look for me when their SOs are out of town or when those SOs don't want to do the activities they want. I don't beat myself up for the lack of an SO. I just envy those that have both that and friends.
Author sayitasitis Posted April 24, 2011 Author Posted April 24, 2011 I've always wanted girl friends even more than I've wanted and SO, but girls bewilder me. I have trouble making and keeping girl friendships. Yes, those girls are indeed lucky. Do you have an SO now? At times I wonder if girls that make female friends easily have a harder time with men. And vice versa.
Cee Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 It is incredibly hard for me to make close female friends, but once I do, I become devoted and loyal to them. I consider myself incredibly lucky to have 2 close female friends, 3 close guy friends, and a boyfriend. It's like I have everything I've ever wanted. The drawback is I'm exhausted. I like to see each of my friends at about once a week if they aren't busy. That means I have friend dates maybe 3-4 times a week and see my BF 2-3 times a week. I do group stuff a lot, which makes it easier to see someone. For example, this weekend, I get to see everybody including my family. On Thursday, I hung out with two friends. On Friday, I saw a friend and then got together with my BF. On Sunday, I will visit my family and then have dinner with two friends. And guess what I did Saturday? Lay around my apartment watching Netflix. I need a break from people sometimes.
Author sayitasitis Posted April 24, 2011 Author Posted April 24, 2011 It is incredibly hard for me to make close female friends, but once I do, I become devoted and loyal to them. I consider myself incredibly lucky to have 2 close female friends, 3 close guy friends, and a boyfriend. It's like I have everything I've ever wanted. The drawback is I'm exhausted. I like to see each of my friends at about once a week if they aren't busy. That means I have friend dates maybe 3-4 times a week and see my BF 2-3 times a week. I do group stuff a lot, which makes it easier to see someone. For example, this weekend, I get to see everybody including my family. On Thursday, I hung out with two friends. On Friday, I saw a friend and then got together with my BF. On Sunday, I will visit my family and then have dinner with two friends. And guess what I did Saturday? Absolutely nothing, but watch Netflix. I need a break from people sometimes. I take breaks from people too. I don't mean having friends as in having to see them all the time. I have good friends back home I don't even always contact but when I go home for holidays, it's like I never left. You're lucky. Rub some off me.
Bettylou Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 I was in that position when all my friends had boyfriends and I had a friend with benefits. Honestly I thought it was the same deal until my friends were all gushing about their boyfriends giving them gifts, or telling them they were beautiful and going on dates. While I was with a guy that would call me up and go "Hey I'm feeling horny do you want to have sex." The jealous and pain was what drove me into tears as I heard yet another bragging story. Just saying I know the feeling hugs.
Author sayitasitis Posted April 24, 2011 Author Posted April 24, 2011 I was in that position when all my friends had boyfriends and I had a friend with benefits. Honestly I thought it was the same deal until my friends were all gushing about their boyfriends giving them gifts, or telling them they were beautiful and going on dates. While I was with a guy that would call me up and go "Hey I'm feeling horny do you want to have sex." The jealous and pain was what drove me into tears as I heard yet another bragging story. Just saying I know the feeling hugs. Hugs. I'm not sure which is worse, having no SO or a fwb that isn't quite the same as an SO.
Els Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 Do you have an SO now? At times I wonder if girls that make female friends easily have a harder time with men. And vice versa. It seems to be, IMO. Exception is, of course, made for good-looking and extroverted women. Otherwise, though, for those of us women who make SOs through being friends first (similar mindset, hobbies, etc) and gradually growing together instead of being asked out because the men thought we were beautiful, I think having more male friends isn't too abnormal.
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