I am evil, I have done wrong to those I love

[wicked_angelbaby]

hello, I am seeking advice from outside point of view. Though I have heard advise from my close friends I still am confused and LOST. I have been married for 5+ years NO kids

 

My Husband: My husband is an attractive and good hearted man with actions that speak louder than words. He is a man of little words and together we are great partners. He owns a company that is growing and is the financial leader in the household, although we both are independent. I work with his company and have built it up to be more organized- incorporated it. I love him and he is my only family I have. His family is my family and he is my rock/base foundation. He had a helping hand in me continuing my education towards my masters. He has been always true and faithful, working 24/7 to build a better future. I have made him cry by attempting to leave him, and he has always grabbed me before I can leave with my packed bags. Our sexual relationship from the beginning has not been good. I had been the one to always want it more everyday than he did. He blames the lack of sex on too much work and stress. I know I am sexually experimental and love to try new things and dress up for fun. I know I am physically attractive somewhat, because I do promotional modeling as a side job and still do swim wear modeling.

 

I warned my husband that I would look elsewhere if not dealt with. 4 years into our marriage, I met my EX again... whom is now my secret boyfriend

 

My Boyfriend: This ex took my virginity when I was 18 and I have never forgotten him. We had lost contact long ago because of my situation in relocating to California and changing my number. He is perhaps a little more attractive than my husband. Both are attractive, however my boyfriend has height and the physical attributes of models I work with. He loves me very much in an obsession that scares me sometimes. He knows I am married and wants me to eventually choose between him and my husband. His obsession of me flatters me and I am more physically attracted to my boyfriend. We have wonderful sex, even during the day while he is driving ( something my husband will not do ). I personally spend alot of my own money on him though, and he is quit vein. His mother adores me and him and his family want me to be apart of theirs- though his mother does not know I am married.

 

 

The comparison:

 

My husband

1.Financial stable

2.Self made man who started from nothing by himself and perhaps able to retire before the age of 40

3.Drinks alcohol and gets too aggressive when drunk

4.Huge cock

5.Once in 3 months or on a blue moon with one of his wealthy clients he does cocaine

6.Speaks little but shows alot in action

7.I am not sexually attracted to him now that I am cheating

8.Attractive man with a model type face but the mind of a 60yr old

9.Wishes to give me the world and price is not an issue for my happiness

10.Very family orientated and old school traditional values for the household

11.encourages my advancement in education and career

12. Dream of not living by paycheck to paycheck but to attain a larger home, nicer car and sound education for kids ( great provider and great with kids )

13. hates when I pay for our dates

14. Smart in business

 

 

My Boyfriend

1. Not financially stable with no plan

2. Very reliant on others, such as his wealthy friends and I personally pay for our dates knowing his hardship with money these days

3. Does not drink any form of ALCOHOL but enjoys the gym

4. Small Cock lol

5. Does not do drugs, prefers a healthier life style drug free

6. Loves to boast about himself or me ( he is very vein )

7. I am sexually active with him and we have the best passionate sex

8. Attractive man of 6ft4 and a body build like a Greek god

9. Obsessed over me and overly jealous

10. Wishes to have kids with me, and now ( I had to take extra precautions because he has attempted to get me pregnant )

11. Enjoys my advancement in my education and career and loves me for my independence

12. Hi dream is simple, with a small house with car and stability and children. Nothing spectacular just small and happy. ( LOVES KIDS )

13. It discomforts him if I pay for the dates, but doesn't mind since his financial situation is very bad

14. Kind of lower intelligence but great romance

 

 

 

Both of them are great in their own ways and both are bad in someways. I know my friends have told me go with my husband because I would technically have a better and easier future. But I am able to take care of myself and is wealth happiness? I have made both of them shed tears for me and Its hard to see who loves me most. I go back and forth. Some days I lean to my husband, others to my boyfriend. I have to choose, and choose soon.

 

 

I WISH I COULD JUST PUT THEM TOGETHER AS ONE MAN...

 

 

Who would you choose for me? My husband or my boyfriend for my future? I should just be a lesbian I know... I love them both why can't I have two. I know I am wrong and I need to decide which one I will hurt. I can't handle this, I am a terrible person for this, sometimes I think both can have better than me. I contemplate the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater."

 

Please give me sound advice and not that of vulgar words.

 

Thankyou

 

 

 

Love Passion Romance Money Attractiveness Family Future

[dreamingoftigers]

I would choose neither for you because you shouldn't be with anyone until you fix the glaring issues that you have.

 

Whatever childhood entitlement pain and bull**** you have needs to be brought into balance before you keep harming people, including yourself.

 

The choice that you are asking for help with is actually a choice to avoid your real issues, your real pain and the very real pain that you are causing to others that they are not even aware of yet.

 

You are not a happy, stable, balanced person. Happy, stable, balanced people do not "end up" in positions like this.

 

Worry less about which man to pick and worry more about what kind of woman you choose to be.

 

Stop cheating on your husband now too. Just stop. The smallest reason being that it isn't healthy and won't help you figure out jack ****.

 

The bigger reasons you can just google or wait 10 minutes and everyone else on here can explain it.

 

Peace.

[alexandria35]

hello, I am seeking advice from outside point of view. Though I have heard advise from my close friends I still am confused and LOST. I have been married for 5+ years NO kids

 

My Husband: My husband is an attractive and good hearted man with actions that speak louder than words. He is a man of little words and together we are great partners. He owns a company that is growing and is the financial leader in the household, although we both are independent. I work with his company and have built it up to be more organized- incorporated it. I love him and he is my only family I have. His family is my family and he is my rock/base foundation. He had a helping hand in me continuing my education towards my masters. He has been always true and faithful, working 24/7 to build a better future. I have made him cry by attempting to leave him, and he has always grabbed me before I can leave with my packed bags. Our sexual relationship from the beginning has not been good. I had been the one to always want it more everyday than he did. He blames the lack of sex on too much work and stress. I know I am sexually experimental and love to try new things and dress up for fun. I know I am physically attractive somewhat, because I do promotional modeling as a side job and still do swim wear modeling.

 

I warned my husband that I would look elsewhere if not dealt with. 4 years into our marriage, I met my EX again... whom is now my secret boyfriend

 

My Boyfriend: This ex took my virginity when I was 18 and I have never forgotten him. We had lost contact long ago because of my situation in relocating to California and changing my number. He is perhaps a little more attractive than my husband. Both are attractive, however my boyfriend has height and the physical attributes of models I work with. He loves me very much in an obsession that scares me sometimes. He knows I am married and wants me to eventually choose between him and my husband. His obsession of me flatters me and I am more physically attracted to my boyfriend. We have wonderful sex, even during the day while he is driving ( something my husband will not do ). I personally spend alot of my own money on him though, and he is quit vein. His mother adores me and him and his family want me to be apart of theirs- though his mother does not know I am married.

 

 

The comparison:

 

My husband

1.Financial stable

2.Self made man who started from nothing by himself and perhaps able to retire before the age of 40

3.Drinks alcohol and gets too aggressive when drunk

4.Huge cock

5.Once in 3 months or on a blue moon with one of his wealthy clients he does cocaine

6.Speaks little but shows alot in action

7.I am not sexually attracted to him now that I am cheating

8.Attractive man with a model type face but the mind of a 60yr old

9.Wishes to give me the world and price is not an issue for my happiness

10.Very family orientated and old school traditional values for the household

11.encourages my advancement in education and career

12. Dream of not living by paycheck to paycheck but to attain a larger home, nicer car and sound education for kids ( great provider and great with kids )

13. hates when I pay for our dates

14. Smart in business

 

 

My Boyfriend

1. Not financially stable with no plan

2. Very reliant on others, such as his wealthy friends and I personally pay for our dates knowing his hardship with money these days

3. Does not drink any form of ALCOHOL but enjoys the gym

4. Small Cock lol

5. Does not do drugs, prefers a healthier life style drug free

6. Loves to boast about himself or me ( he is very vein )

7. I am sexually active with him and we have the best passionate sex

8. Attractive man of 6ft4 and a body build like a Greek god

9. Obsessed over me and overly jealous

10. Wishes to have kids with me, and now ( I had to take extra precautions because he has attempted to get me pregnant )

11. Enjoys my advancement in my education and career and loves me for my independence

12. Hi dream is simple, with a small house with car and stability and children. Nothing spectacular just small and happy. ( LOVES KIDS )

13. It discomforts him if I pay for the dates, but doesn't mind since his financial situation is very bad

14. Kind of lower intelligence but great romance

 

 

 

Both of them are great in their own ways and both are bad in someways. I know my friends have told me go with my husband because I would technically have a better and easier future. But I am able to take care of myself and is wealth happiness? I have made both of them shed tears for me and Its hard to see who loves me most. I go back and forth. Some days I lean to my husband, others to my boyfriend. I have to choose, and choose soon.

 

 

I WISH I COULD JUST PUT THEM TOGETHER AS ONE MAN...

 

 

Who would you choose for me? My husband or my boyfriend for my future? I should just be a lesbian I know... I love them both why can't I have two. I know I am wrong and I need to decide which one I will hurt. I can't handle this, I am a terrible person for this, sometimes I think both can have better than me. I contemplate the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater."

 

Please give me sound advice and not that of vulgar words.

 

Thankyou

 

 

 

Love Passion Romance Money Attractiveness Family Future

 

How old are you? You come across as very selfish, shallow and entitled. I wish your husband knew you were cheating on him because then he might let you go and find himself someone who deserves him. What kind of advice are you look for? How to stop cheating or how to pick which guy to be with? I'd say run away with your boyfried as you two sound like a good match and your husband can do better.

[wicked_angelbaby]

I would choose neither for you because you shouldn't be with anyone until you fix the glaring issues that you have.

 

Whatever childhood entitlement pain and bull**** you have needs to be brought into balance before you keep harming people, including yourself.

 

The choice that you are asking for help with is actually a choice to avoid your real issues, your real pain and the very real pain that you are causing to others that they are not even aware of yet.

 

You are not a happy, stable, balanced person. Happy, stable, balanced people do not "end up" in positions like this.

 

Worry less about which man to pick and worry more about what kind of woman you choose to be.

 

Stop cheating on your husband now too. Just stop. The smallest reason being that it isn't healthy and won't help you figure out jack ****.

 

The bigger reasons you can just google or wait 10 minutes and everyone else on here can explain it.

 

Peace.

 

I can say I am not perfect, and nor are you. And I do think I need to look at myself for what Ive done. I am a happy person I believe to be, I have two men who love me. Its not that I am unhappy but undecided. I can in fact say I am happy in more ways than some. I have a roof over my head, education has not stopped, food on the table, financially stable, my health, my great friends, loving husband, loving boyfriend, great sex, great physical shape, and very thankful for what I have compared with people from my country who die of starvation.

[wicked_angelbaby]

How old are you? You come across as very selfish, shallow and entitled. I wish your husband knew you were cheating on him because then he might let you go and find himself someone who deserves him. What kind of advice are you look for? How to stop cheating or how to pick which guy to be with? I'd say run away with your boyfried as you two sound like a good match and your husband can do better.

 

Yes i look to be selfish in this situation don't I. I don't believe to be shallow and entitled, I worked hard for where I am today. I completed my bachelors with my scholarships and my 4.2GPA from highschool. My husband will never know I cheated unless I chose my to be with my boyfriend. My husband maybe deserves better, but chose me for my mind. I did not want this to happen, it just did. Don't you understand my guilt at the moment, but I still must choose.

[dreamingoftigers]

I can say I am not perfect, and nor are you. And I do think I need to look at myself for what Ive done. I am a happy person I believe to be, I have two men who love me. Its not that I am unhappy but undecided. I can in fact say I am happy in more ways than some. I have a roof over my head, education has not stopped, food on the table, financially stable, my health, my great friends, loving husband, loving boyfriend, great sex, great physical shape, and very thankful for what I have compared with people from my country who die of starvation.

 

If you were happy, you wouldn't feel a void that needed to be filled by one special person. You would be able to meet needs by yourself and then have something leftover to invest in a relationship.

 

Happy people don't divide themselves and subconsciously/consciously find someone else to meet their needs.

 

It has nothing to do with perfection.

 

You are trying to find which one will make you happier in the long run.

 

In the long run neither can because you don't accurately know what you need. If you knew, you would be able to meet those needs and then have sought out a partner whose life you could compliment and who complimented yours.

 

This isn't mumbo-jumbo, the fact that you have so much going for you and are doing this says that there is something inside that is really really longing and you are avoiding it by having intensity in relationships. You are drawn to the excitement, conflict and intensity.

 

It'll screw everything up for you and you won't be happy. No one else can do that for you. Guy A or B doesn't matter, they are symptoms of your own internal issues.

 

If you want I'll give you some book titles, otherwise good luck.

 

loveaddicts.org or sa.org, whichever one fits you better.

[wicked_angelbaby]

If you were happy, you wouldn't feel a void that needed to be filled by one special person. You would be able to meet needs by yourself and then have something leftover to invest in a relationship.

 

Happy people don't divide themselves and subconsciously/consciously find someone else to meet their needs.

 

It has nothing to do with perfection.

 

You are trying to find which one will make you happier in the long run.

 

In the long run neither can because you don't accurately know what you need. If you knew, you would be able to meet those needs and then have sought out a partner whose life you could compliment and who complimented yours.

 

This isn't mumbo-jumbo, the fact that you have so much going for you and are doing this says that there is something inside that is really really longing and you are avoiding it by having intensity in relationships. You are drawn to the excitement, conflict and intensity.

 

It'll screw everything up for you and you won't be happy. No one else can do that for you. Guy A or B doesn't matter, they are symptoms of your own internal issues.

 

If you want I'll give you some book titles, otherwise good luck.

 

loveaddicts.org or sa.org, whichever one fits you better.

 

This world i not perfect of just being unhappy or happy. I know executives who have been married for 50+ years and they have cheated and are happily married as they put it. Its not a perfect world and no one is an angel. I feel very happy though, just torn.

[wicked_angelbaby]

If you were happy, you wouldn't feel a void that needed to be filled by one special person. You would be able to meet needs by yourself and then have something leftover to invest in a relationship.

 

Happy people don't divide themselves and subconsciously/consciously find someone else to meet their needs.

 

It has nothing to do with perfection.

 

You are trying to find which one will make you happier in the long run.

 

In the long run neither can because you don't accurately know what you need. If you knew, you would be able to meet those needs and then have sought out a partner whose life you could compliment and who complimented yours.

 

This isn't mumbo-jumbo, the fact that you have so much going for you and are doing this says that there is something inside that is really really longing and you are avoiding it by having intensity in relationships. You are drawn to the excitement, conflict and intensity.

 

It'll screw everything up for you and you won't be happy. No one else can do that for you. Guy A or B doesn't matter, they are symptoms of your own internal issues.

 

If you want I'll give you some book titles, otherwise good luck.

 

loveaddicts.org or sa.org, whichever one fits you better.

 

well thank you for the advice and sites, i will check it out and double take myself. I like to see others point of view and I am happy that it wasn't vulgar as most of the internet is. Maybe you're right I'm not happy inside. I never had a father, and my real father has children everywhere, i do not want to be like that.

[wicked_angelbaby]

I didn't think my infidelity could be a sex addiction, but then again I see that point of view. My boyfriend was my first sex long ago, and I am seeing him again- O_O sex addict? could this be? Thanks for letting me see this point of view, I never thought of my unhappiness inside or sex addiction. I would like some book titles, and I thank you for the sound advice.

[dreamingoftigers]

well thank you for the advice and sites, i will check it out and double take myself. I like to see others point of view and I am happy that it wasn't vulgar as most of the internet is. Maybe you're right I'm not happy inside. I never had a father, and my real father has children everywhere, i do not want to be like that.

 

I didn't think my infidelity could be a sex addiction, but then again I see that point of view. My boyfriend was my first sex long ago, and I am seeing him again- O_O sex addict? could this be? Thanks for letting me see this point of view, I never thought of my unhappiness inside or sex addiction. I would like some book titles, and I thank you for the sound advice.

 

I wouldn't know from a few internet posts whether or not you had sex/love issues for sure but I will say this:

 

opposite-gender parents are a huge influence on setting your "intimacy template" if there is a history of disruption etc. with your opposite-gender parent and you don't have a great role-model that way, it really isn't surprising to attract a bunch of unstable relationships. This isn't to say that there aren't exceptions.

 

Infidelity is often a family pattern as well.

 

Sex/love addicts generally don't know why their relationships etc. are faltering or unfulfilling or all-consuming. They can see that on some level they aren't working for them. Since humans have this funny design of eyes that look outward instead of inward, often they blame their partner or "human nature" before looking inside to see if their own template might be a little busted.

 

Two titles, they might seem a little extreme because it covers some of the really far-gone folks as well:

 

Don't Call It Love

and Out of the Shadows

 

both are by Patrick Carnes.

 

Women, Sex and Addiction: A Search for Love and Power by Charlotte Sophia Kasl

[bentnotbroken]

I can say I am not perfect, and nor are you. And I do think I need to look at myself for what Ive done. I am a happy person I believe to be, I have two men who love me. Its not that I am unhappy but undecided. I can in fact say I am happy in more ways than some. I have a roof over my head, education has not stopped, food on the table, financially stable, my health, my great friends, loving husband, loving boyfriend, great sex, great physical shape, and very thankful for what I have compared with people from my country who die of starvation.

 

 

Yet here you are. On an internet forum with a wagon load of crap that you have managed to navigate your way into. Nothing you listed above said anything about your character, integrity, dignity or respect for yourself or others. Everything you named can be removed in the blink of an eye...but what is inside of you is controlled by you and don't leave once you have made it who you are.

 

I don't know if you are evil or not. Not for me to decide. Angel....that one I feel very comfortable in saying you and no one else is.

[Bryanp]

How would you feel if your husband was doing to you behind your back what you are doing to him? You say you love your husband but you are humiliating and disrespecting him in the worst possible way. You need to leave your husband so he can find someone else in his life that can truly love and respect him as he is because you clearly are unable to this this. Nobody deserves to be made a fool behind their back. Clearly your boyfriend has no problem having sex with a married woman. What does that say about him? What does that say about you? It sounds like you are both perfectly matched for each other.

[fltc]

Please give me sound advice and not that of vulgar words.

 

I give it about a 1.5 on the troll-o-meter.

 

1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10

^

|

 

Maybe I should rate it higher, I see you sucked in a few members with your trolling...

[HalfAlive22]

Why is there even a choice,you chose your h when you married him,if you ask me he should have the right to choose....to dump your dumb ass or forgive you,but you don't even have the balls to let him..

[xxoo]

We have wonderful sex, even during the day while he is driving ( something my husband will not do ).

 

Sex while driving is irresponsible and unsafe (for OTHERS on the road--including my kids!!!). Do you need this kind of thrill for your sexual fulfillment? If so, that sounds like your issue--NOT your husband's issue.

 

The comparison:

 

My husband

1.Financial stable

2.Self made man who started from nothing by himself and perhaps able to retire before the age of 40

3.Drinks alcohol and gets too aggressive when drunk

4.Huge cock

5.Once in 3 months or on a blue moon with one of his wealthy clients he does cocaine

6.Speaks little but shows alot in action

7.I am not sexually attracted to him now that I am cheating

8.Attractive man with a model type face but the mind of a 60yr old

9.Wishes to give me the world and price is not an issue for my happiness

10.Very family orientated and old school traditional values for the household

11.encourages my advancement in education and career

12. Dream of not living by paycheck to paycheck but to attain a larger home, nicer car and sound education for kids ( great provider and great with kids )

13. hates when I pay for our dates

14. Smart in business

 

If you are married to a man who wishes to give you the world, you should count your blessings. Tell him what would really make you happy: controlling his drinking, and spending more time with you.

 

The other guy sounds like a man-child--fun distraction, but not relationship worthy. Although you may be perfect for each other

[bentnotbroken]

I give it about a 1.5 on the troll-o-meter.

 

1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10

^

|

 

Maybe I should rate it higher, I see you sucked in a few members with your trolling...

 

 

:eek: *Gasp* I've been sucked...WITHOUT MY PERMISSION! Not nice!

[fltc]

:eek: *Gasp* I've been sucked...WITHOUT MY PERMISSION! Not nice!

 

Oh, my, that's funny! <ROTFLMAO> (I can't find an icon for that!)

[Baroness67]

Wow.

 

After your original post, I have no motivation to help you figure anything out at all.

 

I do feel sorry for your husband.

[fooled once]

Another person who feels sorry for your spouse because your behavior is atrocious.

 

He deserves someone who loves him for more than his money and his big pee pee.

 

And FYI - a married person cannot have a boyfriend. He is your sex toy. He wants your money and that's about it. That isn't love. Its called lust or he is your escort/paid lover.

 

Stop spending money on him - money that your H made - and see how long he keeps you around.

 

I hope your H gets an std check and I sure hope he finds out about your lack of loyalty and your utter disrespect of him.

 

Leave him and go be with your boyfriend with the small pee pee. Since you claim to have money, have him get a penal implant.

[Bigsmoke]

I say go for the boyfriend. You guys seem a better match, intellectually and morally. Then , your H can find a person with more intelligence and integrity. No kids makes this a simple call.

[dream2nite]

I have been experiencing a little of what you've been going through. Yes, it is being selfish and I didn't realize that before. There is definately and underlying issue as there is with myself...but that does not make you evil. We are all in this world together, just trying to figure things out. At least you work, hold a job, are responsible, and it doesn't sound like you're a bad mom (like many are.) Just like you, I'm trying to figure things out, because I do have two men that love and care for me very much, and that is different for most, but it doesn't make you a bad person.

[sugarmomma]

Boyfriend sounds like a winner. *ding ding* :rolleyes::rolleyes:

[Steadfast]

I have been experiencing a little of what you've been going through. Yes, it is being selfish and I didn't realize that before. There is definately and underlying issue as there is with myself...but that does not make you evil. We are all in this world together, just trying to figure things out. At least you work, hold a job, are responsible, and it doesn't sound like you're a bad mom (like many are.) Just like you, I'm trying to figure things out, because I do have two men that love and care for me very much, and that is different for most, but it doesn't make you a bad person.

 

An old friend once enlightened me on the concept of 'doing' and 'being'. When you're cheating, lying, betraying, using and deceiving, you are doing bad things. You are hurting others for your own self gain. Is that the definition of a bad person, or a good person doing bad things? Injecting normal, everyday activities like working or feeding your child doesn't tip the scales in your favor...at best, it's only slowing down the eventual, unhappy outcome. The slope is slippery.

 

Don't do honest things, be honest. Don't do kind things for others, be kind. The grease that lubricates the destruction of one's character, a marriage or a family unit is justification. It's a trap. Don't fall for it.

[OldOnTheInside]

I think this is obvious, choose the boyfriend. You are clearly too great a person for your husband.

 

We will see how things work out in a year or two...

[Chi townD]

Wait...wait...YOU pay for your dates with your boyfriend? I think that your husband pays for the dates. He's the breadwinner afterall, right?

 

Help you choose between the two of them? I have an idea. Why don't you ask your husband which one of them you should choose. I bet he could make up your mind for ya. I think that he wouldn't run after you if you tried to walk out the door with your bags packed!