dressing up Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I was on my way to the gym when I saw this guy walking past me. I knew he looked at me (not once but at least twice) trying to get my attention. What did I do? I didn't look at him at all (in case you guys wonder how I knew he was looking at me then, women have got better peripheral vision ). But what do you do in situations like this? It's not like we're going to stop in the middle of the busy streets and say hi, I noticed you were looking at me or I noticed that you looked quite good so maybe we should grab dinner. Streets is definitely one place I believe people can meet someone but how should I do it better?
waytoonervous Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I'm a dude, and I'd love to meet more people that way. I've got a fear of eye contact with strangers, but have been trying to get over it: when I walk by a woman and lock eyes with her, it feels awesome. IMO, all you need to do is look back and smile! Some guys can pull off a smoother approach than, "Hi, I noticed that you looked quite good." For instance, they could just comment on your outfit, ask where you're headed, etc.
Author dressing up Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 I'm a dude, and I'd love to meet more people that way. I've got a fear of eye contact with strangers, but have been trying to get over it: when I walk by a woman and lock eyes with her, it feels awesome. IMO, all you need to do is look back and smile! Some guys can pull off a smoother approach than, "Hi, I noticed that you looked quite good." For instance, they could just comment on your outfit, ask where you're headed, etc. Or they could just smile and continue walking. I'm paranoid because many times men just look with no intention of bringing it further. They could have wives waiting for them at home!
waytoonervous Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 Or they could just smile and continue walking. I'm paranoid because many times men just look with no intention of bringing it further. They could have wives waiting for them at home! Yes, there are a billion reasons that a man might walk past you, even if you smile: - He's nervous to approach you. (Me, many times) - He's caught-off-guard by the smile and doesn't have time to react. (Me, many times) - He doesn't know what to say. - He's in a rush. - He's in a relationship. etc. There are *also* a billion reasons why a woman might smile at a man: - She's interested - She's in a good, smiley mood - She thinks he looks familiar etc. All of the above is good, though! It means that if you smile and he doesn't do anything: - You don't have to take it personally *at all*, since there are a billion reasons he might not. - You don't have to feel like you overstepped your boundaries, because you could always have just been in a smiley mood! So just do it. See what happens
orangelady Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I was on my way to the gym when I saw this guy walking past me. I knew he looked at me (not once but at least twice) trying to get my attention. What did I do? I didn't look at him at all (in case you guys wonder how I knew he was looking at me then, women have got better peripheral vision ). But what do you do in situations like this? It's not like we're going to stop in the middle of the busy streets and say hi, I noticed you were looking at me or I noticed that you looked quite good so maybe we should grab dinner. Streets is definitely one place I believe people can meet someone but how should I do it better? I honestly find this whole 'the guy looked at me, even twice, smiled at me etc' is kind of tricky and the only way to find out what it was all about is to become their friend. I remember I joined a gym and this particular guy would always look at me, smiled, but I was too shy or frightened to do anything about it. I find that generally, guys would smile and check you out or whatever it is you think he's doing but it may not mean anything serious. And you might want to keep an eye on that because if he's that 'flirty' or 'friendly' with you, he's probably like that with other women too and not sure what you're looking for in a guy but just saying. I've always been intrigued by meeting and chatting up strangers and here is a link that might encourage you and get you started. I haven't tried it yet though... http://30sleeps.com/blog/2007/08/01/social-skydiving-the-art-of-talking-to-strangers/ One of the guys claimed he did this and it changed his life tremendously. Girls love talking to him and all that stuff but who knows, I don't know if its the truth and you know how guys on forums can be talking off his head.
Author dressing up Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 I honestly find this whole 'the guy looked at me, even twice, smiled at me etc' is kind of tricky and the only way to find out what it was all about is to become their friend. I remember I joined a gym and this particular guy would always look at me, smiled, but I was too shy or frightened to do anything about it. I'm not sure how I can go about becoming their friend. That's the problem. I find that generally, guys would smile and check you out or whatever it is you think he's doing but it may not mean anything serious. That's why my apprehension. And you might want to keep an eye on that because if he's that 'flirty' or 'friendly' with you, he's probably like that with other women too and not sure what you're looking for in a guy but just saying. I didn't think of that actually but I know what you're saying. I like a friendly guy. It would be good if the guy is friendly yet not prone to cheating. I've always been intrigued by meeting and chatting up strangers and here is a link that might encourage you and get you started. I haven't tried it yet though... http://30sleeps.com/blog/2007/08/01/social-skydiving-the-art-of-talking-to-strangers/ One of the guys claimed he did this and it changed his life tremendously. Girls love talking to him and all that stuff but who knows, I don't know if its the truth and you know how guys on forums can be talking off his head. This is a good link. I'm not sure I can "let go of your ego" though. I would smile if a guy smiles first. But for me to take that leap of faith thinking that every guy that looks at me is single and interested in me, not so much.
Author dressing up Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 Yes, there are a billion reasons that a man might walk past you, even if you smile: - He's nervous to approach you. (Me, many times) - He's caught-off-guard by the smile and doesn't have time to react. (Me, many times) - He doesn't know what to say. - He's in a rush. - He's in a relationship. etc. There are *also* a billion reasons why a woman might smile at a man: - She's interested - She's in a good, smiley mood - She thinks he looks familiar etc. All of the above is good, though! It means that if you smile and he doesn't do anything: - You don't have to take it personally *at all*, since there are a billion reasons he might not. - You don't have to feel like you overstepped your boundaries, because you could always have just been in a smiley mood! So just do it. See what happens When I'm in a real smiley mood, that's easier. Other times, not so much. The trick here is for me to not take things personally.
waytoonervous Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 When I'm in a real smiley mood, that's easier. Other times, not so much. The trick here is for me to not take things personally. Which is funny, because that's my problem too. Looks like we're both intrigued by the same thing (this idea of meeting people on the streets), and the advice for each of us is really simple on paper. All I need to do (to initiate) is smile at the girls I see: if they smile back, I can try to start a conversation if the situation allows for it. All you need to do is smile, as well. We need to get over this!
dreamingoftigers Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I can't help you but I read the title of this thread on got kind of excited. I married a homeless man and thought maybe someone else was having a similar experience. :lmao: Just thought I would share.
orangelady Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 (edited) I'm not sure how I can go about becoming their friend. That's the problem. That's why my apprehension. Friendships starts with one person risking getting rejected but it's worth a try. The link right about tells you how to do it. Just say "Hi!" See what the person says after that and you'll know what to do. Also, I find that if you develop a habit of saying Hi to everyone (both genders), you won't feel so 'wrong' about it if you say Hi to guys. I didn't think of that actually but I know what you're saying. I like a friendly guy. It would be good if the guy is friendly yet not prone to cheating. lol for me, I'd rather a quiet and shy guy but can talk lots with me. This is a good link. I'm not sure I can "let go of your ego" though. I would smile if a guy smiles first. But for me to take that leap of faith thinking that every guy that looks at me is single and interested in me, not so much. If you can let go of your ego, it actually helps a lot in life, not only with chatting with strangers and making more friends. Thing is, HOW? That's the big question. How do you not care what others think of you? The reason why we all don't do what we wish to do is simply because we care a LOT about what others think of us. Or am I wrong here? Edited April 23, 2011 by orangelady
Ross MwcFan Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I don't really think there is any way to hook up with a stranger that you walk past on the street.
Author dressing up Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 If you can let go of your ego, it actually helps a lot in life, not only with chatting with strangers and making more friends. Thing is, HOW? That's the big question. How do you not care what others think of you? The reason why we all don't do what we wish to do is simply because we care a LOT about what others think of us. Or am I wrong here? No, I care a lot about what others think. I know it's the problem. I'm learning to bother less about their opinions but we still live in a society that many anomalies are viewed as weird.
EasyHeart Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I was on my way to the gym when I saw this guy walking past me. I knew he looked at me (not once but at least twice) trying to get my attention. What did I do? I didn't look at him at all (in case you guys wonder how I knew he was looking at me then, women have got better peripheral vision ). But what do you do in situations like this? It's not like we're going to stop in the middle of the busy streets and say hi, I noticed you were looking at me or I noticed that you looked quite good so maybe we should grab dinner. Streets is definitely one place I believe people can meet someone but how should I do it better?This is easy, ladies. When a man checks you out, he is looking for an invitation to approach you. You grant him an invitation by returning his gaze (make eye contact and hold it) and smiling. That's all you have to do. Then he knows he won't get a face-full of pepper spray if he says "Hi" to you. You decline to give him the invitation when you look away. Meeting people on the street is not easy, because usually you're going in opposite directions. Places like bookstores and grocery stores and gyms are a lot easier. And obviously, you should be careful -- you have no idea if this is a nice guy or a creep. Oh, and if a guy is checking you out, he is not wondering if you would make a good friend; he is wondering what you look like nekkid.
orangelady Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 Oh, and if a guy is checking you out, he is not wondering if you would make a good friend; he is wondering what you look like nekkid. Exacto mundo. AND he's not wondering if you'll make a wonderful wife either.
Author dressing up Posted April 24, 2011 Author Posted April 24, 2011 When a man checks you out, he is looking for an invitation to approach you. You grant him an invitation by returning his gaze (make eye contact and hold it) and smiling. That's all you have to do. Then he knows he won't get a face-full of pepper spray if he says "Hi" to you. You decline to give him the invitation when you look away. Wouldn't it be "embarassing" if he was just looking, not planning to act on it, you smile and instantly it becomes a matter of him having the "upperhand?" Oh, and if a guy is checking you out, he is not wondering if you would make a good friend; he is wondering what you look like nekkid. Exacto mundo. AND he's not wondering if you'll make a wonderful wife either. Isn't that the start?
orangelady Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 (edited) Wouldn't it be "embarassing" if he was just looking, not planning to act on it, you smile and instantly it becomes a matter of him having the "upperhand?" then you're ****ted. But that is the game of life. No one enjoys being rejected, but hey, you've only got one life. Make the hell out of your life, girl. Edited April 24, 2011 by orangelady
Author dressing up Posted April 24, 2011 Author Posted April 24, 2011 then you're ****ted. But that is the game of life. No one enjoys being rejected, but hey, you've only got one life. Make the hell out of your life, girl. I know you're right. Practising it is a lot harder. I'll try.
orangelady Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 I should too. But man, you know it's true when my lecturer once said: GET OVER YOURSELF!! Actually, if you could get used to being embarrassed lots, the better chances you will have in life because you take bigger risks.
Author dressing up Posted April 24, 2011 Author Posted April 24, 2011 I should too. But man, you know it's true when my lecturer once said: GET OVER YOURSELF!! Actually, if you could get used to being embarrassed lots, the better chances you will have in life because you take bigger risks. That's something I should keep as a mantra. LOL. Your lecturer's right. If you've seen in public some not-bad-looking guy that tries to be goofy, genuinely looks happy, and talks to people giving him the weird eye look, you know he's "better" than any of us. Because he doesn't care what others think! He can dance on the streets for all he cares, and still be happy about it. I always want to be someone like that but I haven't got there.
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