taeccool Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 Hi, this is my first post ever. I'm sorry if I am posting this in the wrong page. I needed somebody's opinion desperately about this issue, as my family or friends cannot really help me. This could be long, but please read it and give me your opinion. I'm a junior in college and have a few good friends in the school. This one friend (let me call her "G") is really nice and sincere to me. G lives close by so we commute to school together. We have been spending lots of time together having fun and I really enjoy our friendship very much. Also we are planning our summer trip together - we are almost like best friends. At least that's how I feel. Last September, when the fall semester started, G's brother transfered into our school. (Let me call him "P") I saw him once or twice before and he seemed like a nice young guy. So I was, of course, nice to P since he is my friend G's brother. He did not have any friends yet, so I talked to him a lot, asked him about unimportant stuff to help him feel more comfortable in the new setting. He always sat with G in free periods, whenever he got a chance... So he only talked to G's friends, mostly girls, including me. I thought he was a bit attached to his sister but did not really care about it. A few weeks later, he began to find me everywhere and sat with me whenever. I told him "I will talk to you later"/"see you later, I gotta go" several times but he kept following me and sat with me to talk to me. I almost always had to meet my other friends or study WITH HIM. Imagine? When I was alone, he found me. When I was with G, he was already there of course. He was always "fascinated" by me knowing so much of "guys'" stuff like soccer or video games. (I enjoy those stuff.) He texted me and facebooked me so much. So I guessed he liked me somehow, as a friend or a girl. It did not really matter either way because it started to get a little comfortable. I was not as responsive as before. I did not smile or be overly kind in front of him. When he did not get it and continued to bother me, I began to avoid him. I did not look at him or say hi to him. If I saw him I pretended I did not see him and walked away quickly. I know it sounds selfish but I was already scared of him. I've been traumatized by my own experience of sexual harassment when I was little. My avoiding/not talking to P continued and he eventually gave up saying "hi" to me. He still sat with us girls (still did not make any friends) occasionally staring at me. AND he began to follow me around without saying anything. I thought I was overly sensitive and traumatic. But I was not... He persistently and obviously followed me around the school / train station for months. I was going crazy for months. I did not want to talk to G about it as I really did not want to be awkward and ruin our relationship because of him. So I decided to confront him by myself and walked up to him, asking if he had been following me. Of course he strongly denied. He was babbling all the stuff ("What? I have my own friends..."/ "Did my sister say anything.." / "Why would I follow you") I did not ask. I was mad but said "Ok, I'm sorry" and left. After that confrontation, he avoided me for a few weeks, deleted me off facebook. But his sister G still does not know about it until today. (Or she pretends she doesn't know??) Now he still stares at me from time to time when he gets a chance. He now walks right behind me. I cannot stand it and feel like he's gonna start following me again when his sis G graduates soon in May. What should I do? Help!
JHS Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 Well, just a few ideas. Give him absolutely no reaction when you see him. He's invisible to you generally speaking. I think people do some of these things to evoke some sort of reaction. I don't know what else to say but there will probably be some good suggestions, I have found that there are some thoughtful and knowledgeable people on this site.
Vixen Gemma Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Do what I did. That ******* keeps following you then you need to go straight to campus security and tell them he's not listening to your plea to leave you alone. The dean will talk with him and tell him if he tries to attempt any contact with you he will be removed. BEFORE doing something so permanent, like I did, you should tell his sister and see what she says. Just tell her that her brother keeps on following you and you told him to stop and he hasn't and that it's making you nervous. You should probably explain why you feel like that (a.k.a. your past experience). After that she should be able to tell him to chill. If she does and you know she's said something and he still hasn't stopped you better be walking to student affairs or whatever it's called. It's horrible to have a stalker, I've had two horrible experiences, one just like yours. If you do nothing it'll be like a horror/suspense movie waiting to happen.
Author taeccool Posted April 28, 2011 Author Posted April 28, 2011 Well, just a few ideas. Give him absolutely no reaction when you see him. He's invisible to you generally speaking. I think people do some of these things to evoke some sort of reaction. I don't know what else to say but there will probably be some good suggestions, I have found that there are some thoughtful and knowledgeable people on this site. Yeah, I think he wants some attention from me... which I won't give any... I already have been acting like he's not there for a while... He is such an timid person so he can never break the ice. Thank you for your reply!
Author taeccool Posted April 28, 2011 Author Posted April 28, 2011 Do what I did. That ******* keeps following you then you need to go straight to campus security and tell them he's not listening to your plea to leave you alone. The dean will talk with him and tell him if he tries to attempt any contact with you he will be removed. BEFORE doing something so permanent, like I did, you should tell his sister and see what she says. Just tell her that her brother keeps on following you and you told him to stop and he hasn't and that it's making you nervous. You should probably explain why you feel like that (a.k.a. your past experience). After that she should be able to tell him to chill. If she does and you know she's said something and he still hasn't stopped you better be walking to student affairs or whatever it's called. It's horrible to have a stalker, I've had two horrible experiences, one just like yours. If you do nothing it'll be like a horror/suspense movie waiting to happen. That's a good idea. I was walking by a bulletin board in my campus and saw the school's official flyer about how to deal with stalking... So if this continues, I will try to talk to his sis, and if he does not listen, I will go to the student office and tell them. Thank you so much for your reply!
tyciol Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I see no reason to call the guy bad words, but if you are afraid I agree talk to security and even the police you may be able to get a restraining order. I'd get their advice before doing so, but if you choose to communicate with him further, rather than making demands/questions which can agitate the unstable (ie "were you following me?") it's better to speak from your own feelings in a polite way. For example: "I suffer from a lot of paranoia and I am scared of you, I see you a lot and feel as if I am being followed. Please try to avoid me, and I'll try to avoid you in turn. If it keeps happening, then I'll pursue a restraining order." I'm not an expert on psychology though so more experienced pros might have better advice on how to communicate in a safer manner with him.
Author taeccool Posted May 12, 2011 Author Posted May 12, 2011 I see no reason to call the guy bad words, but if you are afraid I agree talk to security and even the police you may be able to get a restraining order. I'd get their advice before doing so, but if you choose to communicate with him further, rather than making demands/questions which can agitate the unstable (ie "were you following me?") it's better to speak from your own feelings in a polite way. For example: "I suffer from a lot of paranoia and I am scared of you, I see you a lot and feel as if I am being followed. Please try to avoid me, and I'll try to avoid you in turn. If it keeps happening, then I'll pursue a restraining order." I'm not an expert on psychology though so more experienced pros might have better advice on how to communicate in a safer manner with him. Thanks. I really hope I don't have to talk to him about this anymore.
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