kimpppp Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 Wow, what a lack of judgement I had. I let a married man lure me in because I was lonely and going through some hard times. He tried to make me think that he was a nice person but, he was never home because he was wrapped up in his career, coaching, reserves, school and whatever else he could occupy his time with. He said his wife was abusive. Said that she yelled at him all the time and in front of the children. I have to admit that I felt sorry for him. The good news about my affair is that we lived four hours away from each other so I never saw him. He called me two to three times a day and texted in between. He finally got caught when his wife found his phone records. At least she had those to see that it was him who was doing all the chasing and not me. When he was breaking up with me, he told me that she cheated on him twice but, he thought that nothing happened. They were both teachers at the same school so he told me that he told her that if she said anything about his affair that he was going to tell the prinicple and everyone about hers. I just sat there on the other side of the phone in shock. He was going to blackmail her into staying with him. Wow!! Those two deserve each other. What a disfunctional pair. I am so glad I am not in that mess anymore. He said they were going to stay with each other for the "sake of the children". Please! I would hate to grow-up in that house. Those kids don't have a chance. He said she is being so nice to him but, we all know that is because she wanted me out of the picture. Bet she will be cheating on him in a few months as payback. So for all you OW out there who are going through getting dumped, evaulate the situation. These men will go running back to their wives and continue to be miserable. They will cheat again. We on the other hand, are free to find someone who truly loves and respects us. Good luck on your situation. It will get better.
BB07 Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 Wow, what a lack of judgement I had. I let a married man lure me in because I was lonely and going through some hard times. He tried to make me think that he was a nice person but, he was never home because he was wrapped up in his career, coaching, reserves, school and whatever else he could occupy his time with. He said his wife was abusive. Said that she yelled at him all the time and in front of the children. I have to admit that I felt sorry for him. The good news about my affair is that we lived four hours away from each other so I never saw him. He called me two to three times a day and texted in between. He finally got caught when his wife found his phone records. At least she had those to see that it was him who was doing all the chasing and not me. When he was breaking up with me, he told me that she cheated on him twice but, he thought that nothing happened. They were both teachers at the same school so he told me that he told her that if she said anything about his affair that he was going to tell the prinicple and everyone about hers. I just sat there on the other side of the phone in shock. He was going to blackmail her into staying with him. Wow!! Those two deserve each other. What a disfunctional pair. I am so glad I am not in that mess anymore. He said they were going to stay with each other for the "sake of the children". Please! I would hate to grow-up in that house. Those kids don't have a chance. He said she is being so nice to him but, we all know that is because she wanted me out of the picture. Bet she will be cheating on him in a few months as payback. So for all you OW out there who are going through getting dumped, evaulate the situation. These men will go running back to their wives and continue to be miserable. They will cheat again. We on the other hand, are free to find someone who truly loves and respects us. Good luck on your situation. It will get better. I'm glad you are out of the affair and seeing clearer now and you are putting it behind you..........but, yes there is a but. You seem to see very well through some of the crap he told you so why would you accept him telling you that his wife had affairs as the truth??? Also unless you are a fly on their wall you don't know if they are miserable or not, it could simply be that he wanted to have fun on the side and he had to tell you something to help himself and you justify it. Something to think about.............
alexandria35 Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 Sounds like you are okay with how things turned out. Glad to hear it. Men or women who are in truly abusive situations need real help. Therapy, good strong supportive friends, etc... Not an affair. Never been able to wrap my head aroung the concept of helping a married man deal with abuse by having an affair with him.
26pointblue Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 Classic. It does seem like they are miserable yet stay. And cheat. And for what? They don't find happiness that way, clearly. It's funny how much these stories have in common. Sad-funny. :-( I am very glad I don't have to live my xMM's life & also that I'm not his wife. Although right now I sit here lonely while he has his family to be around. So in some ways I don't feel so lucky but I realize this is only temporary. I want to heal from this & move on & he will be stuck in his same situation. I mean, I hope he does find happiness & can either repair his marriage or get out on his own, without dragging me along for the very bumpy ride. But I have a gut feeling that he will stay this way & I want to change - to become stronger & more true to myself & healthier. I agree it's no good for kids to grow up in a marriage like that. It seems parents are so afraid to divorce but they don't realize they are putting their kids through worse. It's selfish, really - THEY want the family, the kids, but they lie & cheat & do everything against the best interest of the family & kids. [And yes we have helped them do that.] Never again! It is definitely a good learning experience although very painful. Thank you for sharing - I can really relate to what you wrote.
Author kimpppp Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 Sounds like you are okay with how things turned out. Glad to hear it. Men or women who are in truly abusive situations need real help. Therapy, good strong supportive friends, etc... Not an affair. Never been able to wrap my head aroung the concept of helping a married man deal with abuse by having an affair with him. Thank you for your comments. That's not how it happened. I was lonely and he was so nice and gave me a lot of attention. I was just dumb enough to get sucked in.
Hazyhead Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I'm glad you are out of the affair and seeing clearer now and you are putting it behind you..........but, yes there is a but. You seem to see very well through some of the crap he told you so why would you accept him telling you that his wife had affairs as the truth??? Also unless you are a fly on their wall you don't know if they are miserable or not, it could simply be that he wanted to have fun on the side and he had to tell you something to help himself and you justify it. Something to think about............. This occurred to me, too. These men manipulate and lie to their own gain; he will have about you, so very likely that he will about her too. Anyway, I really don't mean to bash, point is: you're out of the situation now and can shake off the trauma and drama that the A might have brought. And that's fantastic. Just bear in mind, especially if he comes back to you, that the impression you have of his wife might not be the right one. Good luck to you.
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