dragonfly22 Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I think the LS community will be proud of me...well maybe. Well as you know from my other threads I was dumped by my fiance last week after a 5 year relationship. He said he doesn't love me anymore and wants to see what's out there. I struggled with NC until Monday. I did a lot of pleading, begging and all the wrong things. Anyway as of Monday I went NC. It has been hard especially at night. During the day I've kept myself busy so I actually don't cry or feel that awful until I get home and have to face the fact that I now sleep alone every night. Anyway, I got a text message from him today. I know one is not supposed to do this during NC, but I answered it anyway. Well we exchanged some texts with small talk and then he tells me he would like to visit me next Saturday, stop by the house and just hang out. I've read countless LS threads this past week and know this doesn't mean he wants us to get back together. So I told him sorry but no. I don't want to see you, you know Im not ready yet and I'm actually doing great recovering from this break up, seeing you would be a setback and I'm on the right track so I'll let you know when I'm ready to see you without feeling anything for you. So he tells me fine, I understand. I proceeded to send him a text telling him I finally realized earlier this week that this is completely over and that has helped me a lot to begin healing my wounds and be able to love someone again in the future. So he sends me a text that says "honestly, I see us getting back together in the future, I think it is highly likely." Had I not read those LS threads I would've gone crazy with this message but I didn't. I told him "Don't say these things unless you mean them. As I told you I've been doing great this week and I know now that I will be fine and will find someone who loves me back just as much as I love him. I won't hold on to this relationship. I won't hold on to getting back together "in the future", i will move on and find someone who is in the same page as me. I know you feel like you are too young to get married, I know you want to see what's out there, those are valid reasons for you and I understand that, but I'm not willing to wait for you to do all that and then realize what we had was amazing. I know you will come to this conclusion, but I won't wait until you do, I will move on." So after like maybe 10 minutes he sends me a mesage that says "well, what I meant was that you should move on, just as I will, but if I ever feel like I could love you again, I will let you know." Knowing him, this answer just showed me his ego was totally bruised. He thought I would tell him "oh yes, I love you and I will wait forever and ever!" That was his last message. I sent him another saying I hope he has a nice weekend and maybe we'll speak again one of these days (as in maybe yes, maybe not, I don't care). Anyway, I think he is really confused. He wants to fool around but he also wants me to wait for him for when he is done. I can't and won't do that. It hurts that someone I love so much thinks he can just keep me in the backburner waiting for him to be ready to be an adult. Honestly I know you advise against breaking NC, but this "conversation" was very empowering. I don't know if I will hear from him again, but it was good to be able to show him that his plan might not work out and that I'm quite confident that I will find someone again. What do you guys think about this?
Hopeless Girl Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I think the LS community will be proud of me...well maybe. Well as you know from my other threads I was dumped by my fiance last week after a 5 year relationship. He said he doesn't love me anymore and wants to see what's out there. I struggled with NC until Monday. I did a lot of pleading, begging and all the wrong things. Anyway as of Monday I went NC. It has been hard especially at night. During the day I've kept myself busy so I actually don't cry or feel that awful until I get home and have to face the fact that I now sleep alone every night. Anyway, I got a text message from him today. I know one is not supposed to do this during NC, but I answered it anyway. Well we exchanged some texts with small talk and then he tells me he would like to visit me next Saturday, stop by the house and just hang out. I've read countless LS threads this past week and know this doesn't mean he wants us to get back together. So I told him sorry but no. I don't want to see you, you know Im not ready yet and I'm actually doing great recovering from this break up, seeing you would be a setback and I'm on the right track so I'll let you know when I'm ready to see you without feeling anything for you. So he tells me fine, I understand. I proceeded to send him a text telling him I finally realized earlier this week that this is completely over and that has helped me a lot to begin healing my wounds and be able to love someone again in the future. So he sends me a text that says "honestly, I see us getting back together in the future, I think it is highly likely." Had I not read those LS threads I would've gone crazy with this message but I didn't. I told him "Don't say these things unless you mean them. As I told you I've been doing great this week and I know now that I will be fine and will find someone who loves me back just as much as I love him. I won't hold on to this relationship. I won't hold on to getting back together "in the future", i will move on and find someone who is in the same page as me. I know you feel like you are too young to get married, I know you want to see what's out there, those are valid reasons for you and I understand that, but I'm not willing to wait for you to do all that and then realize what we had was amazing. I know you will come to this conclusion, but I won't wait until you do, I will move on." So after like maybe 10 minutes he sends me a mesage that says "well, what I meant was that you should move on, just as I will, but if I ever feel like I could love you again, I will let you know." Knowing him, this answer just showed me his ego was totally bruised. He thought I would tell him "oh yes, I love you and I will wait forever and ever!" That was his last message. I sent him another saying I hope he has a nice weekend and maybe we'll speak again one of these days (as in maybe yes, maybe not, I don't care). Anyway, I think he is really confused. He wants to fool around but he also wants me to wait for him for when he is done. I can't and won't do that. It hurts that someone I love so much thinks he can just keep me in the backburner waiting for him to be ready to be an adult. Honestly I know you advise against breaking NC, but this "conversation" was very empowering. I don't know if I will hear from him again, but it was good to be able to show him that his plan might not work out and that I'm quite confident that I will find someone again. What do you guys think about this? ok here's my thought .. i know sometimes we dont see or take for granted whats in front of us .... idk why u guys broke up but there had to be more of a reason than "i want to see whats out there" .. were u guys fighting anything? .. anyways.. i think he got nostalgic and started thinking about the good times he had with u .. he obviously knows ur not gonna be "oh baby i missed u i love u im so happy we got back together" and he is also not gonna be like that ... it takes time to get back together again ..... and im pretty sure he gave it a second thought and wanted to give it a second try hence when he said "fine, I understand" and why he said he wanted to just HANG OUT ... u shouldnt be expecting him to be "baby i missed u and I love you come back to me" cause he aint gonna do that and u dont want him to do that... fact is HE ASKED TO HANG OUT AT YOUR PLACE and its obvious he wanted to rekindle what he lost before cause he indeed was confused about something and only he knows that and u r obviously eager to know... but i guess if u dont wanna get back together with him then dont listen to anything I said ... but if u do.. u have to let things flow and yes take time for urself and dont think the worst of it ... and if he wants to be with you he'll try again just not the cliche way of bringin flowers to your house and chocolates .... is either all of this or he's really horny.. lol just kiddin..
PinkChic Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I do not agree with the above poster. I think you handled yourself FANTASTICALLY. You held yourself with dignity and respect. You did not let him think he can just come and go in your life whenever he darn well pleases. I remember your first post, and how upset you were and what not and I must commend you, you sound like you have really had good conversation with yourself and really gotten yourself together. Kudos. I know how you feel. I also was given very little explanation as to why I was dumped from what I saw as a perfect relationship. As I was laying in bed last night I asked myself "Amanda, would you REALLY ever take him back? (I would love for him to come back just for the sake of my self-esteem that he took from me when he broke up with me but...)... I mean what if you had kids and a family and he decided to just up and leave one day?...would you really want to always wonder if you were going to say something to set him off and POOF he was gone?"... the answer is no. I would never trust that he could walk out so easily. I think you handled yourself perfectly. I know everyone on this board is very strict when it comes to NC but I think you needed to respond to that text for YOU, not so much for him. I hope this helped your ego because if you ever did want to get back with him you have him in a perfect position... wondering. I think you need to take time for yourself.. figure out what you want and don't want in a relationship and in the end... after some time apart you realize yes, we belong together then good, you guys can give it a go... but good for you for not letting him put you on his backburner and he can see you whenever he wants. I have always believed if two people are truly meant for each other then time apart only INCREASES feelings... Good for you, girl!
Hopeless Girl Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 dude,, i did not said she didnt handle herself fantastically all I said is what I though was going on in his mind.... so yea .. she did handle herself great... read well .. i think i made q good input
PinkChic Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 dude,, i did not said she didnt handle herself fantastically all I said is what I though was going on in his mind.... so yea .. she did handle herself great... read well .. i think i made q good input I agree that he was trying to get back with her or atleast trying to inch his way back into her life to see what was going on... or heck he might of just been doing it for an ego boost (we don't know). Just saying I don't think she should have met up with him and made a good decision not to.
Hopeless Girl Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 I agree that he was trying to get back with her or atleast trying to inch his way back into her life to see what was going on... or heck he might of just been doing it for an ego boost (we don't know). Just saying I don't think she should have met up with him and made a good decision not to. definitely.. she wasnt ready like she said
Author dragonfly22 Posted April 24, 2011 Author Posted April 24, 2011 Hi girls, thanks for your input. Yesterday I was very calm and even after this happened I felt proud of myself and didn't shed a single tear. Today I'm just upset. How disrespectful can someone be??? How can he tell me "yes, I will want you back sometime in the future, in the meanwhile lets just have fun and date others". Does he really think I will be eternally available for him?? What does this mean? Does he realize what we had IS amazing but still wants to "live his life"? I just regret ever encouraging him to take the job 3 hours away from here. It's a small town, all of his co-workers are single and as there isn't much to do there so they just party all the time. My ex was never into partying but lately he has been doing it a lot. He also told me about some comments his co-workers made as in "why would you want to be "tied down" if you are so young?" or girls telling him "do you realize you are the hottest guy in this place? too bad you have a fiancee". He used to tell me about this and I would just laugh. How can someone be so influenced by an environment?? Ugh, I'm just confused and sad. And I don't get it. He definitely doesn't want me now, he wants me "later" and I can't wait for him. It just hurts to know I've got to move on and someday he will realize all that partying and meaningless sex with shallow girls doesn't even compare to what we had and by then I won't love him anymore. :-(
Recommended Posts